Does anyone else have a problem with ex and gaming or constant phone calls

[Contemplates]

Ex never really interest in DC until divorce and then being Disney Dad.

Part of that means he calls constantly and often hooks up when they're gaming. Apparently if you're playing, you're seen online, and he comes to find them. His voice fills my entire home as though he were there, and they game for hours.

Also, when I went to a family party at the weekend, ex was aware but called DC in the middle of the party. He'd already spoken to them earlier that day and they appeared awkward and felt the had to slink off into a dark room to talk to Dad. I hoped they didn’t have pangs of pain that Dad used to be with us but now he’s not.

I find it all quite intrusive and wondered if anyone else has experienced or heard about this, and I want to be fair but also to have appropriate boundaries.

Trouble is figuring out what they are and how they can be implemented. Or not!

I would assume that if your children have phones they are old enough to decide who they game with and whose calls they take. If the sound of gaming is annoying buy them headphones and insist they use them. Or get your own and let your children take calls if they choose to.

The bottom line is that if they don’t have a problem with this then it is what it is. Trying to disrupt this could make you look like you are trying to disrupt a father child relationship. All you can do is ensure they know how to manage boundaries if he is being intrusive to them. But the emphasis is on them. If they don’t see it as an intrusion then it isn’t.

Agree with PP.

Interesting that you raise the point of their age. They are 8 and 12, if that makes any difference.

Have you spoken to your children? Do they enjoy playing with him?

Do you not have screen limits? Especially for the 8yo

Yeah headphones are your answer. And your usual screen limits should still apply, even if Dad is online. You’ll come across as disrupting their relationship if try to limit it further.

I get it though, DSC‘s mum used to deliberately, I’m sure FaceTime them on their iPads at length when they were with us, and ask for house tours, to see what they were wearing, to see what they were doing. The sound of her voice in my home used to massively irritate me and feel like an invasion, but it passes. Best not to react.

Headphones. Quite obviously solution I would think.

Same here OP, I hate his voice in my house and it's seemingly ok for him to contact the kids when they're with me, but if I do the same (essential only, I leave them in peace) he ignores all calls or messages.

It's part of the Disney Dad routine and is also - I imagine - designed to remind us how important they are...best to leave them to it and find somewhere to be in the house that you can't hear him. Btw my kids now pref playing just with their mates, the novelty of their dad playing with them has worn off and might even be getting embarrassing 🤣

I'd sort headphones, screen time limits and also an expectation they aren't taking phone calls at family parties etc

My ex contacts the children a lot when they are here but doesn't let them have any contact with me when they are with him

Yes also agree that now are oldest is in his teens he definitely doesn't want dad on the game with him!

yes, headphones or at the very least, turn volumes etc down

Calls at family parties are a no - you wouldn't accept them slinking off to speak with a friend at an event, so they shouldn't be doing it with their dad either. Particularly if they've already spoken to him that day.