Mediation - financial disclosure

Jellybaby12345 · 2023-12-13T17:43:35+00:00

I am going to my first joint mediation session soon and they have asked me to provide info on my finances with supporting documents. I am worried that my STBXH won’t provide any info on his side. Does this mean he will see my financial disclosure even if he hasn’t submitted his?

Mumof3confused · 13/12/2023 22:35

You could agree to each submit to the mediator and then they would forward once they have it from each of you. But it doesn’t stop him from leaving lots out. Then you would list everything missing and if it’s still not produced, bring this list to your first session. The mediator should then help you ensure that anything missing is also shared.

iamenough2023 · 13/12/2023 22:37

Hello OP, this is exactly what happened to me. I brought a few months worth of my accounts, my ex only brought a list with the account balances. The mediator did not say anything and I was so afraid he would make things harder for me, since I initiated the divorce, that I accepted is as is. I did say that I doubt he was being honest with me, to which of course, he made a scene pretending to be hurt. The mediator was not doing a very good job, we saw her only once and she made matters worse for me. I ended up getting a lawyer but did not insist on proper financial disclosure anyway.

Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 14/12/2023 20:51

Mumof3confused · 13/12/2023 22:35

You could agree to each submit to the mediator and then they would forward once they have it from each of you. But it doesn’t stop him from leaving lots out. Then you would list everything missing and if it’s still not produced, bring this list to your first session. The mediator should then help you ensure that anything missing is also shared.

Edited

Thank you. I might give the mediator a call tomorrow to ask how it works and if it can only be shared if he has also filled his in. I am sure if he does fill it out there will be things missing but what can the mediator do to make sure he shares it?

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Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 14/12/2023 21:03

iamenough2023 · 13/12/2023 22:37

Hello OP, this is exactly what happened to me. I brought a few months worth of my accounts, my ex only brought a list with the account balances. The mediator did not say anything and I was so afraid he would make things harder for me, since I initiated the divorce, that I accepted is as is. I did say that I doubt he was being honest with me, to which of course, he made a scene pretending to be hurt. The mediator was not doing a very good job, we saw her only once and she made matters worse for me. I ended up getting a lawyer but did not insist on proper financial disclosure anyway.

I am so sorry to hear that. Have you resolved your finances now? Why didn’t the lawyer insist on proper financial disclosure?
I know that even if he filled it out it would all be low values as he just wants to take as much of the assets as he can. I just want it to be sorted as soon as possible but I don’t think it’s fair for him to try and get more by lying about his financial position 😕

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iamenough2023 · 14/12/2023 21:10

@Jellybaby12345 Everyone I spoke with advised it was not worth it. We are not wealthy at all and if he was indeed hiding some money we would have spent a good chunk on lawyer fees. I personally did not care about money so much as I just wanted out of the relationship at that point, but I hated the feeling of potentially being cheated of course.

Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 18/12/2023 00:07

iamenough2023 · 14/12/2023 21:10

@Jellybaby12345 Everyone I spoke with advised it was not worth it. We are not wealthy at all and if he was indeed hiding some money we would have spent a good chunk on lawyer fees. I personally did not care about money so much as I just wanted out of the relationship at that point, but I hated the feeling of potentially being cheated of course.

I know how you feel. I just don’t want to be cheated out of money which I will need for my children as he doesn’t pay maintenance.

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NeedSleepNow · 19/12/2023 07:03

When we went to mediation we both submitted our paperwork to the mediator first and then swapped it with each other (this was only a few days before the meeting so no time to raise questions with each other first). I had spent hours filling in form E properly, his figures were basically made up as they didn't match his statements, he submitted different date ranges for different statements, left big chunks of information out, forgot about accounts... I flagged it all up at mediation but the mediator was not concerned in the slightest. I found the whole process a complete waste of time to be honest and we still haven't come to an agreement 6 months later.

wildwestpioneer · 19/12/2023 08:00

These disclosures very much rely on both parties being honest. If you don't think he will be, tell the mediator not to share yours until your ex has provided his. Make sure it's all statements rather than scribbles on paper.

My friends now ex dh tried to hide how much his business was worth, and only by going to court and having to legally provide this info did she find out he'd under valued his business account by £250'000 the business she'd helped him create

CrapBucket · 24/12/2023 13:37

I’m more or less at this stage although my plan is either we will agree between ourselves, or go to court, but skip the mediation as it seems an expensive pointless addition to the process.

I doubt my ex will be honest but I just want out.

Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 07/01/2024 00:49

NeedSleepNow · 19/12/2023 07:03

When we went to mediation we both submitted our paperwork to the mediator first and then swapped it with each other (this was only a few days before the meeting so no time to raise questions with each other first). I had spent hours filling in form E properly, his figures were basically made up as they didn't match his statements, he submitted different date ranges for different statements, left big chunks of information out, forgot about accounts... I flagged it all up at mediation but the mediator was not concerned in the slightest. I found the whole process a complete waste of time to be honest and we still haven't come to an agreement 6 months later.

Oh no sorry to hear that. Are you still continuing with mediation then?
We had our first session which was about child arrangements but the mediator said at the end that she doesn’t think mediation will help us 😕

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Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 07/01/2024 00:52

wildwestpioneer · 19/12/2023 08:00

These disclosures very much rely on both parties being honest. If you don't think he will be, tell the mediator not to share yours until your ex has provided his. Make sure it's all statements rather than scribbles on paper.

My friends now ex dh tried to hide how much his business was worth, and only by going to court and having to legally provide this info did she find out he'd under valued his business account by £250'000 the business she'd helped him create

We didn’t get to the disclosure stage in the end as mediation over children didn’t work.
I can’t believe people try to hide their assets and especially when they have their own business it’s not fair. Lucky your friend found out in the end.

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Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 07/01/2024 00:55

CrapBucket · 24/12/2023 13:37

I’m more or less at this stage although my plan is either we will agree between ourselves, or go to court, but skip the mediation as it seems an expensive pointless addition to the process.

I doubt my ex will be honest but I just want out.

I am feeling the same as you. We have tried to talk about it previously but he changes his mind every time so it has been pointless as I can’t believe anything he says. But court will be so expensive 🙄

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CrapBucket · 07/01/2024 11:11

I see it that court is a necessary expense, mediation for me would have been an unnecessary extra expense.

I have mentally reconciled that court costs are a tax on the bad decision of marrying this man in the first place.

greekeconomist · 07/01/2024 18:17

On the flip side of stories, mediation worked well for us and definitely saved money in legal fees as we managed it all in one 2 hour session. I think the reason it worked so well was for the vast majority of the marriage (and time before come to think of it) I was thr administrator so knew how many pensions he had and their vague values as did all the household filing.

Even if you don't have access to all his info, could you at least attempt to list jobs etc to get an idea of number of pensions, skim through any paperwork you can find for other financial info?

NeedSleepNow · 09/01/2024 23:08

No I gave up with mediation after that. Our very first vsession, about child arrangements, was quite helpful at the time (although my ex then changed his mind about everything a few weeks later). After the financial one, however, I just didn't see the point in carrying on with the process, my ex was never going to go through the process declaring his finances honestly and thoroughly and the mediator just didn't care. Instead I have been dealing with finances via my solicitor and will happily go to court if that's what he chooses.

Why did the mediator say they didn't think you should continue mediation? Is there any history of abuse in the relationship? In that situation mediation is not recommended.

Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 13/01/2024 21:40

CrapBucket · 07/01/2024 11:11

I see it that court is a necessary expense, mediation for me would have been an unnecessary extra expense.

I have mentally reconciled that court costs are a tax on the bad decision of marrying this man in the first place.

I think we will also be going to court. I have found out that he’s spending all his income to reduce his assets 😣 I am hoping that will go against him in court.

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Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 13/01/2024 21:43

greekeconomist · 07/01/2024 18:17

On the flip side of stories, mediation worked well for us and definitely saved money in legal fees as we managed it all in one 2 hour session. I think the reason it worked so well was for the vast majority of the marriage (and time before come to think of it) I was thr administrator so knew how many pensions he had and their vague values as did all the household filing.

Even if you don't have access to all his info, could you at least attempt to list jobs etc to get an idea of number of pensions, skim through any paperwork you can find for other financial info?

I think the problem is that he has gotten rid of all his money so even if I ask for financial info it will all be zero. It seems so unfair that he can spend all his money on himself and yet I am scrimping and saving to pay for the kids all by myself as he doesn’t even pay maintenance, and at the end of it he will try and take half of what I have tried to save for me and the children.

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Original poster

Jellybaby12345 · 13/01/2024 21:49

NeedSleepNow · 09/01/2024 23:08

No I gave up with mediation after that. Our very first vsession, about child arrangements, was quite helpful at the time (although my ex then changed his mind about everything a few weeks later). After the financial one, however, I just didn't see the point in carrying on with the process, my ex was never going to go through the process declaring his finances honestly and thoroughly and the mediator just didn't care. Instead I have been dealing with finances via my solicitor and will happily go to court if that's what he chooses.

Why did the mediator say they didn't think you should continue mediation? Is there any history of abuse in the relationship? In that situation mediation is not recommended.

They didn’t give a reason for why they didn’t think it would work. Maybe they thought we were both being awkward and just
couldn’t come up with a solution.
There is domestic abuse involved but I agreed to mediation as I wanted to get it sorted asap but he kept pushing to come to the house to see the children even though I said no several times. Maybe that was why?

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