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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

DD (9) doesn't want to go to Dad's - do I make her?

2 replies

Sowhatimstillarockstar9 · 11/12/2023 16:57

Separted in July and moved out of the family home 4 weeks ago to live with my parents as it was becoming to toxic. Nothing physical but some mind games and telling me in the end it would be better when I had moved out. Working through finances so I can get my own house and doing 50/50 child care at the moment.
My DD is 9 almost 10 and is very regularly refusing to go to her Dad's. She has a tummy ache and won't go to school the days he is due to pick her up. I have said its not acceptable to miss school she needs to be in and we will sort out any worries she has after school.
When I question her she says she prefers to be with me, misses me and feels safer with me. I can't get any further than that after talking to her.
Husband has in the past given her silent treatment (only a couple of occasions) and he has never cooked, cleaned for them up until I left.
He says he absolutely wants his 50% and I need to make her go to him on his agreed days. I really don't like that though and have been trying to get him to compromise to help her settle.
If I tell him it's not working and it needs to be more like 60/40 will a court take her views into consideration.
I don't think she likes him very much.

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 11/12/2023 17:02

I wouldn’t make her go if it makes her unhappy, and that’s obviously his fault, Would you let him see her at your house for a bit to see if she settles seeing him, or would he refuse to do that? If he does, then he’s refusing contact, not her.

Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 17:24

As the split and new living arrangements are so new and she isn't at risk of harm I would have a discussion with DD that she needs to go for 6 months and that you'll review the situation after that time. That she and dad need time to get used to he change and the change in roles.
She needs strong boundaries right now to feel safe so a time limit gives her that.

Courts tend to start listening to children's views from 12 years on ward.

After 6 months she may have settled into the new routine, or he'll work out it's not as easy as he thinks it is and she'll end up at yours more often anyway.

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