Ex already dating whilst we still share a roof

[SendHelpPlease078]

This is more a moan than anything else.

My unmarried ex of 10 years and I split 2 months ago, I initiated. We both have a lot of equity in our jointly owned house and two small DC under 3. He's doing his best to drag his feet during our separation and as a result it's looking like I won't be able to access my equity and buy another property for a good long while.

I feel so bitter and resentful that he won't let me move on with my life, and the negative effect our continued co-habitation is going to have on our DC, as our co-patenting relationship is being eroded day by day. It's so unhealthy to keep living under the same roof. I won't move out as that will weaken my claim to my equity and I don't want to uproot the DC to somewhere temporary.

We're going to mediation and he's taking as long as he can to do the bits of work he's asked to - financial disclosure etc. I did mine weeks ago and have done everything the mediator asked of me ASAP.

I've now found out that around a month ago he created a dating profile and is starting to see other women. This gives me the massive ick knowing he's playing the field whilst we still share a house, and that he'll be playing the role of poor put-upon single dad and making me out to be an evil ex. I can't stand knowing he's taking about our kids and sharing photos of them with some random women? Hes saying the split was mutual and rushing to mention that we weren't married. Lack of commitment was a major reason I finally ended things.

He must be trying to prove to himself that women still find him interesting and attractive. It's pathetic that he can't allow himself to be single for more than a minute after a 10 year relationship and speaks of his lack of self esteem. He's a decade older than me. I have no residual feelings for him whatsoever but the lack of thought on his part about how this might effect our kids makes me so angry.

Dispite this dating he's doing, he's still no more interested in splitting our finances and seems to want the best of both worlds - the freedom of bachellorhood and the benefits of cohabitation and parenting under the same roof.

How do I survive this situation for the next 6 months or so? It's unbearable.

If you moved out you'd still own half the house so he'd owe you rent for that which covers your part of the mortgage. There's a similar question roughly once a week on these pages, usually by a woman who stayed in the house and wonders if that gives her extra equity in it.

Mediation about what?
You have split up, are not married.
Get the house valued 3 times. Agree a price. Put the house up for sale. Sell it. Buy something new. Half the contents.
He pays CMA.

Like someone else said, its good he is dating as if he gets serious about someone else then he will want the property sold asap.

It sounds like you might be having conflicting feelings yourself re the breakup. People deal with breakups in different ways.

Focus on your life now though, not his.

This is right.

And tell your friends to stop stirring. You have no feelings for him, he seems to feel the same way. He’s ready to get back out there, you can too when you want to. Hopefully he won’t introduce anyone to the DC too quickly but it’ll be up to him.

Focus on the other issues ,him dating is non of your business .

"'s pathetic that he can't allow himself to be single for more than a minute after a 10 year relationship and speaks of his lack of self esteem"

You can deny it all you want but you have the self esteem issues yourself here, he can do what he wants to rebuild his, it's a business that you shouldn't have a care for . Let him date if he wants , why are you bothered

Your friends are losers, why would they send it ? To make you jealous ? It's neither their business nor yours, they need to grow up

Depending on what parenting arrangements you want I wouldn't necessarily be going out more. I'd be more inclined to writing everything down to show how little he looks after the kids even post split.

that is a good point

if my friend was going through a separation - i would not fan the flames by sending her information. about her EX signing up to a dating app

OP you are jealous and if anyone seems to be procrastinating…. it’s you as far as i can tell with all this mediation and financial disclosures. Not married. No need. Waste of money. Won’t mean a single thing

OP the others are right.

Legally he only has to pay you CMS (use a CMS calculator to get a number) and childcare on his days. Many NRP don’t want to pay childcare so they have their child at the weekend when they aren’t working and their ex pays 100% of nursery fees. If he’s self employed, get ready for him to rearrange his accounts so your child maintenance decreases.

As others says get 3 valuations in the house. One of you pays the other their equity in the house and stays or you agree to sell and buy/rent 2 new properties. For now, you can try and work out if you can afford the mortgage on your own and buy him out.

As for the dating, did you split because he’d checked out? He’s not the first or last person to split up then date a lot. You should have your fingers crossed that this means he stays out a lot. I agree that you need to consider why your friends sent you screenshots of his dating profile. You’re not in a relationship so it’s morally ok to do that. Very few people stick to no dating while splitting - especially if they are the one who checked out years ago.

Most importantly, he needs to commit to some time being in charge of your children. Ideally you’d go out during that time so he can’t palm off the childcare on you and your children get used to daddy parenting solo.

I agree that someone is trying to financially fleece you for money.
As an unmarried person you only get child maintenance and your share of the equity as specified in your house contract. Forget negotiation over nursery. In practice, the NRP can specify which days and hours they want and unless the RP disagrees (in which case they go to court), the parents can agree that’s the final order. Court won’t make him have the children more than he wants and he could say as little as he wants.