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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Advice please - Where do I stand?

19 replies

Timetogo24 · 07/12/2023 18:42

Hello. In desperate need of advice because I've no clue where to start and just feel all over the placeSad.

Been with partner for 10 years & engaged for 5. We have 2 daughters together aged 2 & 3, they were born 13 months apart. We've been trying to make our relationship work since 2021 but he was just awful to me during my second pregnancy and things have only gotten worse with time. I can't let my little girls grow up setting this standard for a relationship because I don't even get the bare minimum from me anymore. I won't go into details but he has tendencies to gaslight and emotionally abuse me.

We bought a house together in 2020, just before our first DD was born. I put up over half of the deposit money because he was laid off during the pandemic. When we fell pregnant with DD2, I said let's move to a 3 bed. He refused & was adamant he wanted to extend our property despite us having no money to do so. He took out a £30k loan against our home to complete the work, which he started almost 2 years ago and is nowhere close to finishing (he's doing it himself as he's a builder and won't pay anyone else to do it, as a result my now 2 year old is still in my room as she still doesn't have her own).

After years of misery we have decided our relationship isn't healthy and we need to part ways. We had an estate agent over to value our property who said it is unlikely to sell given the state of the half done extension (all he has done so far is dig the footings). They said they could put it on at £280k at a push but it's unlikely to sell. Even if it did, the mortgage on it is £240k and the loan he took out was £30k, so we would both walk away with nothing. The agent said the best bet would be to complete the extension and then sell.

I work part time around the children, and I cover half of our bills, but I don't bring home enough to rent somewhere on our own. He refuses to go and says me and the girls should move out. I feel trapped and don't know what to do. We can't sell the house as I'll end up with nothing, but I can't live with him until the extensions done because it never will be. It's already been 2 years and it's not even out of the ground.

What are my rights here? What do I do?

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
RoseAndRose · 07/12/2023 18:52

As you are not married, you can expect your share of the value house (because you bought it in joint names) plus maintenance for the children (amount will depend on where they live)

You are not liable for his loan, if it was taken out in his name only and the house was not collateral.

You can't force him out of a house he co-owns. Might he be persuaded to buy you out?

You need, as a matter of some priority, start to look for ways to increase your income.

lljkk · 07/12/2023 18:54

How much childcare could he do, what are his other commitments?

Cadenza12 · 07/12/2023 19:00

How much of the loan is left to finish the extension? Could it be used to pay someone to do a basic finish? You do need legal advice, a lot of solicitors will offer a free half hour, which may help you clarify your position. Definitely don't move out.

MikeRafone · 07/12/2023 19:04

Where has the £30k gone?

if he hasn’t done the work, why would you be paying £15k for work not done?

Original poster
Timetogo24 · 07/12/2023 19:24

He has spent all of the money on materials such as bricks and steels which have been sat on our driveway for over a year. I believe he took it as a loan against our mortgage, so added an additional £30k to our mortgage in a exchange for a lump sum in a sense.

I work part time but have no family around to help with childcare so for every hour I work, the girls have to go to nursery. Once the nursery is paid for I essentially work for £40 a month. I will be able to increase my hours when my youngest gets her 30 free hours but until then I'm stuck. Sad

I definitely need to speak to a solicitor, I wasn't aware that you could get a free 30 minutes so that would be a good start.

I feel trapped by the fact I can't afford to rent alone, but if we sold the house as it is (if anyone would want it) then it would pay off the mortgage and the loan and I'd lose all of the money I put into it at the beginningSad

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 07/12/2023 19:26

If he wants you and the kids to leave does that mean he's prepared to buy you out of your share ?

Original poster
Timetogo24 · 07/12/2023 19:27

@lljkk he works as a self employed builder 5 days a week, but it's variable as he gets rained off quite frequently. I wanted to get a second job in the evenings but he wouldn't let me do it as his hours aren't set and he said it would interfere with his work Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Timetogo24 · 07/12/2023 19:27

@Babyroobs no, he doesn't have the money to buy me out x

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 07/12/2023 21:07

its probably better to cut your losses

sell the house, pay off mortgage and loan and move on

what will you get with cms, universal credit and your wages? When can you up your hours to go full time ?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2023 21:27

Buy him out at a VERY reduced sum and don't do the extension?

The house is worthless and you can afford the mortgage on your own ?

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2023 21:35

I believe he took it as a loan against our mortgage, so added an additional £30k to our mortgage in a exchange for a lump sum in a sense.
If your mortgage is joint then you would have needed to sign some paperwork. Did you? Otherwise the only two scenarios left is it's his debt only or he signed on your behalf (fraud). Think hard, and look for the paperwork.

Mumof3confused · 07/12/2023 23:14

Do you own the house as tenants in common or joint tenants?

Also, bricks and steels don’t cost £30k. As a builder he’s probably put some receipts towards his tax as well. That money has either gone elsewhere or he still has it. Do you have access to bank statements?

Mumof3confused · 07/12/2023 23:18

How did you manage to get a mortgage for almost the entire value of the house? What would it be worth if he hadn’t starred digging the foundations?

LemonTT · 08/12/2023 00:52

In terms of rights you will be entitled to 50% of the equity. Your children have more rights and action can be taken on their behalf to secure a home. This usually involves deferring a sale until you can afford to get a place on your own. This won’t increase your ownership in the property and you would have to be able to pay the mortgage.

Options

  1. Sell and split the equity. With fees you could get about 10-15k each. You should also try to sell the building materials and share the proceeds. You need to see receipts for what he used the £30k for. You also need to find out how the loan was secured on the joint property.
  2. As one but make him take responsibility for the loan. You would take all the equity. He might not accept this and you need to decide if it worth litigating over.
  3. Get the extension built if this will add value. But agree what this will cost in terms of his time and labour. Otherwise you will have another thing to negotiate.
  4. Get a court order for you to stay in the home until you can afford to but him out or get a place of your own. But given the condition that might not be a good option unless he completes the work.

There are some issues you need to be aware of. Firstly that if you sell your share of equity will impact on your entitlement to benefits which will be means tested. Nb you get about 6 months grace on this. Secondly that if you remain in the home you wouldn’t get UC support for the mortgage. In a rental property you would (means testing not withstanding). Finally he is self employed so very able to suppress his declared income for CMs calculations.

I would try to get him to agree to finishing the work and allowing you to stay in the house for a few years until you can buy him out or sell and go your separate ways. You would have to cover the mortgage form your income but that would be augmented by UC and CMs. . You also need to work through a co parenting solution that allows you both to work.

The other option is to try to get on a council list and hope something comes up.

Before you consult with a lawyer find out the detail of the loan and mortgage. Establish your entitlements to benefits so you know what your income could be. And finally look into council housing, shared ownership or HA.

Original poster
Timetogo24 · 08/12/2023 08:09

@Mumof3confused we own it as joint tenants. We put down a 20% deposit when we bought it (i footed most of that though) 3 years ago and the mortgage balance is now at the 240 mark but obviously with the loan on top it's sitting at approx 270.

In a sellable condition it would be worth around £310 so I'd at least get my deposit money back but they've said it's unlikely to sell as is because who wants something half done, even if someone did want to buy it on the off chance it would clear the mortgage and loan but have next no equity left so I'd be left with zero. I need this equity for a fresh start though.

I'm in the south and house prices are stupidly high for very little property.

@LemonTT this is all really helpful, thank you so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Timetogo24 · 08/12/2023 08:15

Sorry if I'm missing replies btw!! I'm new to Mumsnet and have no clue what I'm doing Xmas Blush

OP posts:
THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 08/12/2023 08:44

Feel sorry for you badly and this is my worst fear which forced me to never co-own huge assets with a partner no matter how much in love i get .

Wish I had better advise because you own it 50/50 there is no win here

Mumof3confused · 08/12/2023 20:37

I don’t think he’s spent £30k on materials tbh if he’s not even poured the concrete. I’d say he’s squirrelled this money away.

Can you do mediation?

GrumpyPanda · 09/12/2023 15:53

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2023 21:35

I believe he took it as a loan against our mortgage, so added an additional £30k to our mortgage in a exchange for a lump sum in a sense.
If your mortgage is joint then you would have needed to sign some paperwork. Did you? Otherwise the only two scenarios left is it's his debt only or he signed on your behalf (fraud). Think hard, and look for the paperwork.

OP you never answered these very sensible questions.

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