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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex's belongings

14 replies

denpark · 04/12/2023 23:42

My ex is meant to be moving out in the new few weeks. However he hasn't made any attempt to pack and he has a LOT of stuff.

I am starting to get the sneaking suspicion that he thinks he's just going to leave his shit here for months and pick things up as he feels like it.

We're in the middle of mediation and have the financial one soon. He has been emotionally, verbally and financially abusive and I'm wondering what I can do to resolve this. We are getting a mesher order to keep the children stable in the house for now.

I need a clean break. I need his shit out of the house so that I can mentally reset and start again.
He thinks he can leave his stuff in one room but that the deprives a child of a bedroom.

OP posts:
Cravingsgalore · 04/12/2023 23:45

Pack it up in bin bags (it'll be very mentally satisfying to pack him up and chuck every last bit of him out of your home) and leave it outside the front door for him to collect.

TheCatterall · 04/12/2023 23:46

Have you got a garage or loft space for the time being?

Depending on the atmosphere in the home and how brace you are feeling I’d maybe leave it for now and once he has accommodation sorted - make it clear that he has a timeline of X to remove stuff to his new home or his friends and family can take bits in as you will be setting up the bedroom for your child.

give him a timeframe and explain if it’s not stuck to - stuff will be deposited outside on the final day.

it does depend though on your circumstances and how safe you feel. Do you have a friend you can ask to be present when he collects stuff?

LemonTT · 05/12/2023 01:15

Until the finances are agreed it’s his house. Any aggressive moves on your part, involving clothes in bin bags, could begin an endless round of acrimonious acts and you could end up losing ground with the mesher order.

until everything is agreed don’t over reach. Negotiate the removal as part of your agreement.

In the meantime you won’t achieve a clean break with a mesher order. That’s only one of the downsides.

Cravingsgalore · 05/12/2023 01:38

@LemonTT I meant for her to pack it up if he ultimately doesn't do so once the divorce is final, not while he's still living there.

MintJulia · 05/12/2023 02:13

Put it in bin bags and leave it in a garage or loft .

Message him that he can collect it, as soon as the financial order is complete.

My ex refused to collect his trailer from my garden, so I advertised it on Gumtree, found a buyer, then messaged ex and said 'move it by Friday or the buyer is collecting it.' It had miraculously disappeared the following Thursday.

Just don't put up with this shit. I stopped feeling any sympathy for bone-idle controlling selfish men a long time ago. Treat them as obstinate toddlers and you'll make more progress.

flowerchild2000 · 05/12/2023 02:25

Cravingsgalore · 04/12/2023 23:45

Pack it up in bin bags (it'll be very mentally satisfying to pack him up and chuck every last bit of him out of your home) and leave it outside the front door for him to collect.

This exactly!

Rocksonabeach · 05/12/2023 02:29

Oh god y refused to pick it up for months. Then it went to a neighbour and then eventually the court ordered him to pick it up at a given time and place or it was mine. Don’t damage or dispose of it until the house isn’t his anymore. Or unless ordered too by a court. Pack it up neatly (photograph this) put it all in a spare room.

CharlotteBog · 05/12/2023 02:30

Cravingsgalore · 05/12/2023 01:38

@LemonTT I meant for her to pack it up if he ultimately doesn't do so once the divorce is final, not while he's still living there.

Once I took over the house and my ex moved out (some months after the divorce was finalised - grim times), he legally had a certain number of days to make claim on anything he wanted. After that time it became mine to do with as I wished.
He left tonnes of stuff for me to deal with.

greekeconomist · 05/12/2023 08:41

This is against the grain but if he's not moving out for a few weeks and you're still doing mediation then don't panic yet. I moved out the FMH and other than a couple of boxes I had stashed in the spare room, I didn't pack until the weekend before I was moving as didn't want the upheaval of the kids seeing loads of boxes (even though they knew I was going) and it condensed the discussions about splitting kitchen stuff for example to one weekend. I didn't think I had much but it ended up being over 30 archive size boxes of stuff! I am bad though as I still have some seasonal sports stuff at exh's which I must collect before Christmas.

gotomomo · 05/12/2023 08:53

It's his house too, he doesn't have to agree to a mesher so be very cautious about rocking the boat!

Also you say a few weeks, I didn't pack until 2 weeks before a full house move, and when I relocated following splitting with exh I picked up most my stuff once I had settled elsewhere. My advice is to keep it amicable on this, seriously it will help you in the long run

Iworkmiricles · 06/12/2023 07:27

My ex is moving out tomorrow (woohoo, we are divorced and he's outstayed the agreement by 14 weeks late, but he's going).
He just been packing the past couple of days.
I suspect he's leaving a lot of shit.
A lot he doesn't actually know what do do with.
So.

FLOG IT! FLOG THE LOT!

obviously only after everything is legally done and dusted. Just be grateful he's moving out.

Original poster
denpark · 06/12/2023 22:13

Thank you so much for all the replies. Whilst I would LOVE to throw all his shit out or go mad, I'll keep my cool to enable the mesher order to be obtained. Then I'll ensure there's a deadline date put into place by the solicitors.

I've had far far too long a time of his dithering and causing us a lot of heartache. It's time he and his stuff vanished!

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 06/12/2023 22:19

Do not "flog" or chuck his possessions out FGS.

Original poster
denpark · 09/12/2023 21:15

adriftabroad · 06/12/2023 22:19

Do not "flog" or chuck his possessions out FGS.

I won't. But he will have a legally binding deadline, after which his belongings will be put into saturate and his equity in the house will pay for it. Spoken to my solicitor and she's marvellous!!!!

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