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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

When to leave?

6 replies

LadyDaisyChain · 02/12/2023 17:47

Hello,
Been with husband 20 years, married 12 of those. Things have been dead for some years now but we've been staying together for the children (age 7 and 11). He earns £100k, I only earn £20k. I am studying to retrain but this will take 4 years. I am mid 40s, husband mid 50s. We have a house £250k mortgage free, plus the place we live in, worth £450k with a £35k mortgage left. Other assets are pensions, his defined benefit would pay £25k per year if he retired tomorrow. Mine would pay £5k per year (same scheme/employer). There would also be lump sum from pensions of £75+15k and he has about £50k saved in a money purchase pension. We have assets, but my income if I left would only be £20k and this really scares me. I don't want to rely on benefits and feel I need a more secure and higher source of income before I leave, but that is going to take another 4 years.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 02/12/2023 18:16

Well, it’s most likely you won’t get spousal maintenance or at least if do a small amount for a limited time
it sounds like there are enough assets to meet both parties needs and you may well get slightly higher share overall
akthough you have 10+ more years than him to have a mortgage /pay into pension

its unlikely you’d get substantial spousal. If at all and certainly not for long period

So you’ll have your income plus child maintenance

Original poster
LadyDaisyChain · 02/12/2023 18:57

If I leave I won't have enough money to pay my course fees so I feel trapped.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 02/12/2023 19:11

But you’d likely get higher share of assets so you could use that ?

Gettingbysomehow · 02/12/2023 19:12

Sounds to me that you just need to hang on a bit longer and finish retraining if it is safe to do so.
If you left now its quite possible you may not be able to retrain because of money problems.
4 years will go like a flash.
Spend all your time planning your new life and imagining how great it will be.
I did a three year degree in my 40's and the time passed in a flash.
Keep busy, get your ambitious head on. Get your ducks in a row.
It will be much easier when the children are 4 years older. It is really really hard being a single mum to kids that young - I should know. I brought my son up alone.

Zaney40 · 02/12/2023 19:14

You will be able to claim Universal credit, you'll get child maintenance, you'll be working and you'll have a very decent amount for a deposit on a house. It will work.

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