Should we split?

[Cindywise21]

I’m f33 my husband is m37, we have 2 children 3 & 1.
Ever since becoming parents I’ve noticed a huge gap in almost every area of our lives.
im home on extended maternity as he didn’t want to pay for childcare so I could go back to work. So I have 0 money coming in & living off my life savings. He’s working all hours & doing a full time uni degree to further his career. All the while I’m doing EVERYTHING for the kids & all the housework & admin.
When he does actually come home from work/uni/gym all he does is sit around on his phone & shout at the kids.
This week the kids have been Ill & the baby ended up not sleeping unless he was in our bed, at 1 point husband got so annoyed with the crying he was shouting that the baby is a ‘mongo’! Said that he’s been worried for a while as he’s not talking & ‘just the way he looks’.
I can’t get over it even though he just wants to wash over it.
Hes never really bothered with the baby & prefers our toddler & now I know why.
All of these things added to a completely arrid sex life as I just don’t find him attractive with the way he’s been make me feel like leaving.
However (here’s where I sound like a gold digger). I know if I file for divorce he will get nasty with it & it won’t be amicable.
He Will kick me & the kids out & will fight tooth & nail for every penny even though we are joint on the mortgage & title.
I know he will make things extremely difficult with the kids & Will rarely see them.
I don’t love this man & I don’t like him as a person, he’s selfish & only cares about himself, money & buying nice things.
However if I leave I’m making things worse for myself & my family, I can’t afford to support us as a household.
I suppose I’m looking for solidarity or tips on how to carry on. Thanks

Divorce him go for 1/2 of everything. Build your life back up. Otherwise you will never be free and will subject your son to a life of abuse.

Yeah, divorce. And soon... however, do it wisely. You don't want this man having your kids 50% of the time if he calls them such despicable things, and clearly does not care about them. Objectively speaking, he is a complete piece of shit, with no room for doubt about that.

Horrible situation to be in but I think you’ve answered your own question really by saying you don’t love him anymore nor even like him.

Completely see what you’re saying with the financial side but is that a good enough reason to stay with him? Can you see yourself putting up with him until both kids are 18.

You need to look after yourself too, you aren’t happy and nor will you be whilst with him from sounds of it.

Essentially you are likely to be given a lot more than him as part of any divorce from your current assets. As another PP said you just need to do it properly.

He is not going to like it but his insistence that you don’t go back to work is what means you are likely to secure more assets than him and could well secure a mesher order until you return to work.

Given his short temper you would be well advised to start gathering evidence to justify an occupation order to exclude him from the family home. You should ensure that if and when you do that you have supplemented your income with claims for UC and child support. Also protect any savings. Which is why you should do this before they are all eroded.

If he would flounce on his children to hurt you then that’s on him. In reality you are going to divorce sooner or later. Any acrimony and bad behaviour will be inevitable. Do it now whilst you have you life and options ahead of you.

Oh gosh, please, please get out of this relationship whilst the children are younger and you’ve not been out of the workplace for too long.

Yes, and don’t delay. Get legal advice. You’re entitled to more than half.

The other commenters have it right. Divorcing him would be the best option for you both mentally and physically - you're future self will be happier for it and so will your children. You should realistically get over half of the assets if you have main custody of the children which it sounds like you will. I'll leave some advice here that's been helpful to me in my divorce when I had no idea what to do and couldn't really afford help, so it maybe be helpful to you!

Take advantage of solicitors' free hours. Have a list of questions ready to ask, be aware also that they are trying to get your service but you don't really need it, it is 100% possible to do yourself. I'd only suggest getting a solicitor if it becomes too difficult for you as the cost is stupidly high.
Join a bunch of facebook divorce groups - they have a lot of people going through the same thing as you so if you need questions answered, they can help. It's also nice to be part of a community so that you know you're not alone through this time xxx
I also used this free resource online - https://iamlip.com/ -https://iamlip.com/home/- it took me through the entire process and helped me understand what I could do. I used it by myself but a friend of mine who had a solicitor used the website to help lower costs by doing some of it herself e.g. filling out forms.
Hope these could help you out a little xx

You're not a gold digger for needing a roof over your head

Definitley speak to a lawyer first before you tell him. Ensure you have access to cash. He can't kick you out of the home you jointly own.

I wish people would stop saying op is entitled to or will get more than half! We know nothing about their finances or assets!

the only thing that can be stated here accurately are op will be entitled to a fair share, ( could be more or less than 50-%) , that housing children will be a priority ( but does not mean this house specifically ) and that op ex can’t kick her out ( he could refuse to stop paying if he doesn’t care about his own credit rating etc)

op, you should seek legal
advice and think about things before you talk to him, and research on your own what things could like like if you

returned to work
claimed cms
had universal credit top ups if applicable