So this is a long story as they aways are, so without giving war and peace I'll sum it up with.... 5 year relationship, 4 year old child, partner admitted to domestic abuse and did a behaviour change course for which accepting the abuse was a prerequisite. We have lived 280 miles apart for 3- 4 years due to his business and economic factors relating to it. He owes my family a lot of money To which (along with my work) he owes the current success of his business.The business comes first in everything as do his hobbies and interests- at one point this year while we were together he didn't see his son for 11 weeks...
He started doing AirBnb in his small 3 bed terrace to pay his debts (not wanting to sacrifice lifestyle to do so in taking money out of his business). I would not stay with the children while guests were there during the relationship for safeguarding reasons... 1 shared bathroom and toilet and guests have the full run of the house and kitchen facilities. Guests have been generally good but there having been arguments and breakups between guests and some drunken incidents. Not suitable for a young child. There is a one night minimum stay so turn over is also high.
Now we have separated he is refusing to block off his calendar when our son stays. This is a huge issue for me as literally anyone who can afford £40 could enter my sons room in the night and there are the concerns about the bathroom and bedtime routine and the behaviour of guests in waking hours. Would you be ok with this and does anyone have any experience of how a court would regard this?
Second issue is the distance, 3-4 hours on a good run up to 8 in peak season (holiday Costal area). This is too much for a 4 year old in my opinion and my son has always lived with me since birth. So I offered 4 days once per month until he starts school. This has been semi accepted although he doesn't want to collect at nursery or commit to times.
When school starts I think this travel will be way too much for my son from a Friday night to a Sunday. Minimum of 8 hours in a maximum of 52. His dad has family that live near me and has had the opportunity to stay there for access but is resistant. (Business comes first) Does anyone have any experience of what a court might order regarding this sort of distance ?
I want him to start prioritising his child and really building up some quality time with him... but I won't sacrifice his comfort or safety to do it. Im not used to toxic breakups and I've been used to trying to placate his anger before it begins for a long time so I'm finding boundaries hard. What do you think?