Am I being unreasonable/ is this legal ?

[lakelandminnow]

Spouse and I are divorcing and they currently have no source of income (through choice, they could work if they wanted to but they lost their job and won't look for work now as they believe they'll be awarded a bigger share of our joint assets if they have no source of income at the point we go to court to agree a financial settlement.

Divorce has been dragging on for 2 years because they are contesting everything and I mean EVERYTHING, despite advice from their solicitor that it's costing more in combined legal fees than they could possibly gain from nit-picking and arguing over stuff.

We're separated but still living in the marital home. Kids are teens/young adults and I'm paying for everything at the moment, due to spouse not working.

We split the joint account balance but all other accounts were in my sole name as I was the lower earner and it made sense for tax reasons. Spouse has now spent all of their funds in and is wanting money to be transferred to them from the accounts in just my name. They have some shares they could sell in and a very expensive but rarely used hobby item they could sell if they needed to raise funds but they don't want to do that.

If I do start transferring money to them from savings, they'll just keep chucking it at solicitors/court costs in arguing over stuff, whilst continuing to refuse to seek work, and it'll prolong the divorce when we both need to move on as well as reducing the amount we both end up with.

I'm of the opinion that if they have to cash in some shares or sell their beloved but rarely used hobby item it might focus their mind on the money that is being wasted on solicitors etc. Selling the hobby item will also reduce annual costs.

Is it unreasonable/legal for me to say no to transferring them more bank funds and insisting they sell stuff to generate some cash at this point ?

As for asking the solicitor regarding the matter. Based on recent bills, they will charge me for :-

a) reading my e-mail,

b) considering an appropriate response,
c) dictating a letter** to me detailing the response,
d) secretarial time for typing the letter, scanning in the letter and sending it to me attached to an e-mail.

** The letter will inform me that "it might go this way or it might go that way but ultimately the court will decide when we finally get to the point of dealing with the financial settlement".

That'll be another £150+ wasted so no point in asking them really.

Also I wouldn't give any money from funds which are solely in your name. They've had their share of the joint accounts, they've got their own personal assets to spend as they wish. They're entitled to some of what you've got, and vice versa, at the financial settlement stage not right now. They can claim benefits and if DWP say they have to work they'll have to look for a job. Or they can cash in their remaining assets and spend that. What they live on is nothing to do with you, otherwise they wouldn't be able to claim benefits as a single person. DWP would say how much assets does your partner have and then disqualify their claim if it was too much. If they're able to claim benefits that'll be because legally your assets in your name are recognised as not being something they have any rights to. So maybe a trip to a benefits specialist solicitor would get you a better more concrete answer than the one your current divorce solicitor gives you.

I agree with others who says to go straight to the courts option if all your ex is doing is messing you around.

i would recommend the book called ‘divorcing a narcissist, the lure the loss and the law’ and also any podcast episodes with either of the two authors. Your ex is behaving very predictably and you will know this once you read the book. You need a strategy.

And yes to the ridiculous cost of advice which invariably is ‘well it depends on the judge on the day’

Thanks to everyone for the replies on this.

I've read enough threads on MN to know that there are plenty of divorcing couples where one spouse is starved of funds by a drawn out legal battle ultimately causing them to have to give up their claim for a fair share in order to get some funds soon enough to stop them going under financially/obtain a home of some sort. That is truly not my intention in this instance.

We should have enough assets between us to ensure we both have a home and a pension fund after the divorce is finalised although what sort of home we will eventually be able to afford is entirely dependent on how soon my STBX stops having their solicitor send letters in respect of items that are of no significant value or because their imagination has come up with items which simply don't exist (such as the recent letter detailing that they believe that I have a side-hustle and have not declared that source of income, or the one before that saying that they believe a family member has made me a partner in a business so this needs including unless I can prove that I'm not, or the one before that detailing that they suspect I'm about to receive an inheritance because one of may parents has cancer and may die soon).

I gave up on my divorce and told solicitor I wasn't paying anymore as my ex cost me thousands messing about. Changed my name and will. He's now pushing for the divorce 7 years later because he wants to marry his new partner