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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Submitting D8 form

13 replies

TheWestfoldFell · 19/11/2023 16:01

Going through a divorce etc.
STBXH and I completed the D8 form - he doesn't want to go through solicitor to do the financial stuff because in his words "they'll take me for everything and my business isn't worth anything anyways"
I'm also not allowed to touch his pension worth 20k because it was built up before I met him according to him.
I've given in from all the arguments. I'm taking my half of the equity and half the pension he's built up from when he started a new private pension when we moved back to his home town after being made redundant and going self employed.
He's buying me out, and I've found a little house not too far away for the kids to still be able to walk to school.

Anyways. We've filled out the D8 form as best we can. But after reading on here about how long postal stuff sent takes, I'm stressing now thinking it's going to delay everything and I really want this financial stuff sorted asap incase I lose this house. He's already dragged his heels on other stuff; wouldn't make any enquiries with a mortgage advisor until the house valuation had been done.

Just seems like he wants to make things as difficult as possible for me to leave.

Is there a way I can submit all the forms online? Am I missing something at all?

OP posts:
Fourmagpies · 20/11/2023 08:28

Did you mean D8 or D81? D8 is the divorce and can be submitted online by anyone, D81 is the finances. For the D81, I did mine by post and it was fairly quick. I posted it on a Thursday, I had an email from them on the following Tuesday to acknowledge, check a couple of things and with the details of what to do to pay (as i don't have a cheque book). The longest and most annoying bit was trying to get through on the phone. Finally did that on the Thursday. The guy I spoke to said it could take up to 8 weeks but it was sent to court that day and approved same day. Received in the post the following Tuesday. So less than 2 weeks in all. And would have been less if I had a chequebook! For the D81 and consent order, it can only be submitted online by solicitors. Have you had a solicitor draw up the consent order? Could they submit it? (You need the consent order to be filed with the D81).
Make sure you include the reasons why you've agreed that split and that you can both support yourself afterwards.

2022NewTimes · 20/11/2023 11:31

You complete D81 signed by both parties and it goes to HMCTS with the financial consent order complete by solicitor and Form A

Original poster
TheWestfoldFell · 20/11/2023 12:01

Not using a solicitor. Been told I'm not allowed and that we are to do it all ourselves.

Do I post it? Or can I submit online?

OP posts:
Forevermermaid · 20/11/2023 12:19

My ex husband told me the same - that I wasn't allowed to use a solictor because we should 'be amicable and do it ourselves.'

Not surprising given the large amount of my money he was trying to screw me over - as well as trying to cover up all the other screwing he did (but that's a whole other story)

Take control - it's very clear he's trying to hide and keep his/your finances. Appointing a solicitor was one of the most freeing things I have done.

2022NewTimes · 20/11/2023 12:35

@TheWestfoldFell - Courts expect the financial consent order to be drafted by legal expert / solicitor - you are only asking the solicitor to create the order based on what you and your ex have completed on D81 - you are not asking them for anything else.

Original poster
TheWestfoldFell · 20/11/2023 13:13

Forevermermaid · 20/11/2023 12:19

My ex husband told me the same - that I wasn't allowed to use a solictor because we should 'be amicable and do it ourselves.'

Not surprising given the large amount of my money he was trying to screw me over - as well as trying to cover up all the other screwing he did (but that's a whole other story)

Take control - it's very clear he's trying to hide and keep his/your finances. Appointing a solicitor was one of the most freeing things I have done.

He has a business and an old pension I've been told I'm not allowed to touch. Basically coerced into agreeing to not touch these.
There was a point where he was arguing about the deposit he paid into the house and that he wanted that back first and then split assets. I argued that back. Or I'd be walking away with half of what I am now.
He had a bit of a strip during an argument about finances a couple of weeks ago ranting about "I've worked so hard for this house not you"
I was fine to birth and raise his kids tho wasn't I.....

OP posts:
titchy · 20/11/2023 13:19

You're allowed to do exactly what you want. You decide, not him. You'll almost certainly get more off him if you use a solicitor.

Original poster
TheWestfoldFell · 20/11/2023 13:23

titchy · 20/11/2023 13:19

You're allowed to do exactly what you want. You decide, not him. You'll almost certainly get more off him if you use a solicitor.

I know but we're currently still under the same roof and the arguments have made me ill to the point I need my heart checking with a cardiologist.

OP posts:
2022NewTimes · 20/11/2023 13:52

@TheWestfoldFell By not involving a legal person for this - it could cause a delay in you getting your consent order agreed by the courts

Fourmagpies · 20/11/2023 17:09

What he needs to understand that if a solicitor doesn't draft the consent order, he is at risk of you going coming back for more money from him as it most likely won't be a watertight agreement. He's not doing himself any favours. You can still get legal advice, even if he doesn't. Of course, he doesn't want you to, he knows he's not being fair.
Have a read of the Advice Now guides pinned at the top of the page if you can't afford a solicitor, and at least get informed.

Original poster
TheWestfoldFell · 22/06/2024 11:00

Update.

Finally moving into my new home a month ago. My babies (teens) are upstairs sleeping. My fav cat is snuggling next to me while I watch TV in my lounge, wrapped in my massive blanket.

I'm tired, but I'm happy. (Might be something to do with being back on anti depressants and anxiety meds) but all is good.

He's being a bit better co-parenting wise. 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Jeany1967 · 02/01/2025 20:32

TheWestfoldFell · 22/06/2024 11:00

Update.

Finally moving into my new home a month ago. My babies (teens) are upstairs sleeping. My fav cat is snuggling next to me while I watch TV in my lounge, wrapped in my massive blanket.

I'm tired, but I'm happy. (Might be something to do with being back on anti depressants and anxiety meds) but all is good.

He's being a bit better co-parenting wise. 🙏🏻

I've just stumbled across this post as I'm in a similar situation.

Firstly, I'm so glad you're happy. It was amazing to read your last little update. Well done you :)

Can I ask how it all went please?
I'm currently in the process of divorcing my husband. He is buying me out and staying in the family home. We have "amicably" agreed on our financial split and have to draft up a consent order. Did you end up doing those yourselves or going through a solicitor? I've heard that if it's not worded right the judge can reject it.

Thank you so much.

Frazzled54 · 02/01/2025 20:41

Ah the old ‘let’s not use a solicitor and do it all ourselves..’

Don’t fall for it! My STBXH tried that and my friends and family convinced me to seek legal advice.
I’m glad I did. His pension CETV
was almost half a million…!
He’s not your friend and he no longer has your or your children’s best interests at heart!
He's thinking of himself.
Don’t listen to him. Don’t believe anything he says. Don’t fall for any more billsh*t

i walked away with still slightly less than I could have got but definitely got more than I would
had I let him and his new girlfriend get away with that they were convinced was all they felt i was worth.

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