Should I give stbxh a birthday card?

[Shewhobecamethesun]

Separated in September but it was a few months in the making. No other parties involved, simply grew apart and no longer made each other happy. It's not been easy, we've both said and done things that have hurt each other and probably regret a little. But breakups are hard, even if you know you are doing the right thing. However, we are trying to be amicable and both agree we want to stay amicable and friendly and be able to do things for the dc together.
We share 2 dc and currently have a 40:60 split. It's stbxhs birthday next week, I've bought cards and a gift from the dc, but was wondering if I should give a generic card as well? Would it be weird? Is it overstepping boundaries? We want to remain friends so it feels wrong to ignore it, but I also don't want him to feel uncomfortable on his day.

Would you? Did you? Do you? Buy a birthday card for your ex? Would it be weird? How would you feel if you received one?

If its amiable and you want to stay friends why not.

Just text him Happy birthday, enjoy your day.

We buy each other a card and small gift.

I wouldn’t. From the kids fine but there is no need for one from you. Start as you mean to go on. Like someone else has said you can text happy birthday and leave it at that.

My ex asked me not to so it’s possible he might not want you to

If I was in the process of divorce then no I wouldn't give him a card but would get him one from kids.

It’s individuals couples choice. I wouldn’t, and didn’t.

I would.

Does he have a FB?

I bought my then STBXH a Christmas present 6 months into the separation. The present cost £1.50, was sweets he had always liked, and I did it to model to my children I was still their dad's friend. (We agreed we wanted it to be an amicable split. I was trying to be amicable, but he was making it so hard to do so.) I gave the present to the children to take with them, along with their presents to him.

He collected the children from home. The kids must have handed over all the presents as soon as they got in the car. XH got straight back out of the car with my present, threw it back into the still open front door of the house in front of our children, and yelled "I want nothing from you, nothing. How dare you"

Great example to show the children, eh? I stopped trying to be amicable that day.

I never expected that response from my XH. So I would advise definitely don't do it.

I think because the separation is so recent, I wouldn't send a card, a text is enough at this stage. That's what I did with my ex of 5 months. Maybe going forward cards will be appropriate, but maybe don't muddy the waters just yet.

It depends on how he’ll feel …certainly no present unless you stay very good mates

my ex and I divorced amicably in 2021and I always send a card. He texts me on my birthday and Xmas. but then he never used to send anyone cards- I was one that did that 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣. We do text a few times a year anyway about stuff…it’s happened less with each year and will probably fade out …we’ve obviously grown further apart since divorce

if you think it will be well received in the intent it was meant then fine. But do check your own motives and intent as well

Well I did give him a card, but from me and my two older children. He looked suprised when I gave them the cards and presents but I was very clear the gifts were from our dc and they had chosen them - not from me. He took it well, and then I got a semi apology where he said he regrets his behaviour that led to our split, which completely floored me. So all on good terms. We were close friends for a long time before we became a couple, and we both hope that eventually we can be friends again, once all the hurt/anger/resentment has had time to pass.