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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Who pays the mortgage?

74 replies

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 15/11/2023 08:47

Hi all. I’ve had conflicting advice and I don’t know where to go next.
so long term relationship not married. Together over 15 years. Joint mortgage.
split up. He left. He was as paying the mortgage as didn’t work and there are two young children (9&7). Now work and pay salary into the account for the mortgage and live off of universal credits.

have been told that as he is a high earner and owns own company that they would have to pay the mortgage in while and maintenance for the children but others have said no he would only be required to pay 50% and then money for the children’s costs?
salary doesn’t cover half of the mortgage so they have been paying more % towards it currently.

but the question is legally what is he required to pay?

this isn’t for me but for a close family relative who has had the conflicting advice from a charity and citizens advice. She didn’t work during the relationship as that was his request for her to be at home with the children. He’s now saying he can’t afford to pay for the house and everything for the children.
if she has to get by on her salary and universal credit there will be a huge disparity between home life with her and home life with dad.
he has them one evening a week and every other weekend.

i have my own thoughts But the hey are just that my thoughts and not pointing her in the direction of what she is legally entitled to.

her salary is not large think around £1000 a month for 20 hours a week. Not really possible to work more hours currently due to children having after school activities most nights and also a lot of weekend. Plus cost of childcare would outweigh any gain in salary even accounting for universal credit paying towards it.

OP posts:
Nomnomnom66 · 15/11/2023 09:19

Well they're both liable for the mortgage but as long as it gets paid, that's all that matters. But why should he pay all the mortgage for a place he doesn't live in? Your friend should pay half. She was also involved in the decision to stay at home. She could have said no and kept a job. Chase up CMS for maintenance separately. Better to sell the house maybe.

thelonemommabear · 15/11/2023 09:19

Whilst he is jointly responsible for a mortgage that has his name on it there isn't actually any legal recourse to force him to pay for a property he isn't living in and benefitting from

Courts take a dim view of parents who don't maximise their income - with a 9 and 7 year old your friend will be expected to work more than 20 hours per week - saying she can't because of social activities for the kids isn't going to fly

If your friend can't pay the mortgage then the house should be sold

Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 15/11/2023 09:27

Thanks. I have to say I am of the opinion that she should work more but am trying to be sympathetic and get factual information for her rather than letting my own personal circumstances (have always had to work even with dh working full time as well) cloud my opinions.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 15/11/2023 09:42

The mortgage lender will want the mortgage paid and if it isn’t they will chance payment from the borrowers and/or repossess. This has obvious consequence for the ex couple.

The problem here, which the separating couple, need to take on board is that it is expensive to run 2 homes on the income of even two well paid adults. For most people it is unaffordable and they stay together until the divorce is finalised and they can sell up.

If living together isn’t an option then the couple needs to agree how to manage their individual finances whilst separated.

Many couples agree a compromise where the party staying in the family home takes responsibility for the mortgage and the other party rents. This more or less equalises the housing costs during the separation period. Things like UC and child support make this possible. These are considerable boosts to income in many cases.

Sometimes where it is affordable the party who moved out contributes to the mortgage. They might be able to stay in cheaper accommodation (e.g. with relatives or a small flat) but this option needs to ensure they see their children regularly and for extended periods of time.

Your friend and her ex should try to work this out. And part of their agreement should be an acknowledgment that they need to rapidly deal with the final separation of their finances and what that means as individuals.

Your friend’s income is not £1000 per month. She is being disingenuous if she claims that. UC and CMS will probably double if not treble that. Even so, she will have to start improving her salary as those payments are not forever or even reliable. In addition to increasing her income she needs to reduce her living costs. If she cannot afford the house she is living in she will need to downsize. She needs to rethink the commitment to children’s activities if that prevents her working and costs money she doesn’t have. Increasing the amount of time the children spend with their father could achieve that if he is willing.

The best advice for your friend is that she needs to face the reality of being single and what that means for her finances. She can only rely on her ex for so long. He has told her that his financial contribution is not affordable for him and he will stop paying. The risk any women faces in giving up work is that her income falls behind her peers. A divorce settlement might address some of that but it usually doesn’t because there isn’t enough money in the marital pot.

It is possible to go to court to get interim financial support. But given he is self employed that’s a huge risk as his declared income will be low for tax purposes.

She must have realised this couldn’t go on for ever. This is probably his wake up call to get her to the negotiating table.

LaurieStrode · 15/11/2023 10:53

Sorry but working needs to take precedence over kiddie activities. She'll have to increase her hours from 20 a week (my god, i work 20 hours in my first two days of a five-day week!) even if the children have to cut back on their clubs.

She is paying the predictable price for choosing to become a dependent adult in her prime working years. Instead of building up to a good standard of living, sh has coasted economically and unfortunately is going to struggle making up for all that lost time.

LaurieStrode · 15/11/2023 10:56

Well stated, @LemonTT

Life is going to drastically change; no way around that. Money doesn't magically appear, it has to be earned.

Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 15/11/2023 13:33

They were not married just living together. She’s been told that that made them common law married and such she is protected and will be able to keep the house.

I will refer her to other lines of help and then leave it as I think she’s made her mind up that he needs to pay and that’s that.

OP posts:
LetsTryToHelp · 15/11/2023 14:00

"They were not married just living together. She’s been told that that made them common law married and such she is protected and will be able to keep the house."

Married couple don't get this option.

How is she going to buy her ex out and afford the mortgage by herself?

FSTraining · 15/11/2023 14:46

The legal positions are:

  1. Unmarried, so he only has to pay you statutory child maintenance;

  2. In respect of the mortgage, you are both jointly liable. The bank is not particularly bothered who pays as long as it is paid. If you do not pay, they will come after both of you.

As to what you do, almost always as you are unmarried the house has to be sold and the equity split. Yes, there is the Children's Act that could let a court insist on one parent staying in the house until children are 18 but it's quite rare that one person gets to stay in the FMH even when couples have been married these days, let alone when they haven't.

Common law marriage is not a thing.

Zanatdy · 15/11/2023 20:45

She will have to give notice to the kids activities and get a full time job. Will she really not benefit when low salary households get help with childcare? I’d imagine that she will.

I don’t agree the ex should pay all the mortgage and pay maintenance no. My brothers ex wife left the family home and paid nothing towards them joint mortgage and still got her 50% share. Your friend / family member is going to need to consider what she’s going to do when the property needs selling etc, because she will probably need to be working full time if she intends to buy him out

Zanatdy · 15/11/2023 20:49

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 15/11/2023 13:33

They were not married just living together. She’s been told that that made them common law married and such she is protected and will be able to keep the house.

I will refer her to other lines of help and then leave it as I think she’s made her mind up that he needs to pay and that’s that.

Told by who? Even married couples need to sell the house most of the time. They have a joint mortgage and because they aren’t married she won’t get anymore than 50%. She also won’t get any of his pension, and when you have kids and go part time or are a SAHM this is why mumsnet always harps on about being married. She needs to get proper advice as she’s in for a big shock.

LaurieStrode · 15/11/2023 21:14

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 15/11/2023 13:33

They were not married just living together. She’s been told that that made them common law married and such she is protected and will be able to keep the house.

I will refer her to other lines of help and then leave it as I think she’s made her mind up that he needs to pay and that’s that.

Yikes.

She is in for a major wakeup call and likely an extremely lower standard of living.

Does she have any current job skills?

millymollymoomoo · 15/11/2023 23:58

Common law rights do not exist
if they own the house as joint tenants she’s entitled to 50% share of equity and cns

there is not provision for pension sharing, financial settlement etc

she”ll need to get a full time job and either to pay get an agreement with ex re mortgage in interim or pay herself

caringcarer · 16/11/2023 00:34

Your friend needs a full time job. The DC are 9 and 7 so not babies. They could utilise wrap around care or go to a child minder like thousands of other DC. Until the house is sold mortgage should be paid 50/50. Husband should be paying maintenance for DC.

caringcarer · 16/11/2023 00:36

If they were not married she'll only get child maintenance. She won't get to pension share. If both names on house as he should get half once house is sold. If she rents she might get UC housing benefit if under £16k in bank but if has money from house sale then she won't get it.

Coolblur · 16/11/2023 00:45

The only things that are relevant are the joint mortgage and shared children. She should be entitled to 50% of the house equity, and child maintenance based on how often the children are with their Dad. If they share care 50/50 then he doesn't have to pay child maintenance.
As others have said both are liable for the mortgage so both have to pay. If one doesn't, the other has to cover their half. If neither pay, the lender will come after them, and they may well lose the house.

There's no such thing as common law marriage, and rightly so. She has no more rights to what is his than if she'd been seeing him for a couple of months. If she wanted the protection that piece of paper gives, she should have got married, as should any SAHP, or PT working parent.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/11/2023 01:01

Where on earth are people getting these notions of common law marriage? It seems to be such a common misconception!

LaurieStrode · 16/11/2023 02:32

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/11/2023 01:01

Where on earth are people getting these notions of common law marriage? It seems to be such a common misconception!

I know! It's as though they live inna fantasy world!

LaurieStrode · 16/11/2023 02:33

Wellsail, @Coolblur

Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 16/11/2023 14:32

Thanks everyone that was my understanding. I think it’s her mum who’s telling her all of this and she chooses to believe it as that’s what she wants to believe.

she has a very nice large 4 or 5 bed detached house, new car and kids doing expensive hobbies that involve completions and commutes to London for classes etc so I understand that this is a hard lifestyle to have to let go of but if they are moving on with other people then that’s the sorry state that she might not be able to have as luxurious of a lifestyle.

work wise only worked part time before having children due to travelling and then worked as a receptionist which is current role as well but on an even more part time basis and no school holidays.

OP posts:
Itsrainingloadshere · 17/11/2023 08:04

As others have said there is no such thing as common law marriage and she does not have any rights that a married person would have. She will have to become self sufficient and work more and is unlikely to keep her current lifestyle.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/11/2023 08:09

if she has to get by on her salary and universal credit there will be a huge disparity between home life with her and home life with dad.

Yes, there will! She needs to get some legal advice and a full time job asap. Her lifestyles is probably going to be very different from his if he has a well-paid job and she doesn’t though.

Mia85 · 17/11/2023 08:20

Which country is she in? The laws are different in England and Scotland (for example).

Diverpanda · 17/11/2023 08:26

Common law marriage does not exist in the uk.

They need to sell the house and split the equity.

He then needs to pay her child maintenance, and she needs to get a full time job.

Thisistyresome · 17/11/2023 09:15

“They were not married just living together. She’s been told that that made them common law married and such she is protected and will be able to keep the house.”

Find out who told her this and tell her to ignore all further advice, this is simply untrue and is well known to be untrue. People who perpetuate this myth cause real problems.

Do you mind saying who the charity is that she has spoken to? I would tend to expect Citizens Advice to get things right more than a charity. Is the charity also an activist organisation? If they are involved in activism be very careful about taking advice from them.