Need to leave.

[user12345678912334]

Social services involved. I know I have no choice but to leave. Verbal, physical, financial, emotional, occasionally sexual. It's a complete shit show.
HOWEVER: how do I tell him I'm done? How do I do it safely?
I've asked police to support me, but they won't until he kicks off. They can't guarantee they will attend if he does!
Social services are not helping, all they've done is told me I am not protecting my children by not reporting it sooner and throwing him out. I've asked them to be here so I can tell him, but they seem to have dropped off the face of the earth.
Contacted NDV they never got back to me.
My plan is to tell him, then leave with the kids for a few days whilst he sorts somewhere to live.
I've packed a bag, I have passports etc. I am just confirming an Air bnb to stay at.
What else do I need to do? Apart from telling him of course.
I'm terrified.

Can you have a friend or relative with you when you tell him?

Or even just leave while he's out and leave a letter. Turn your phone off for a couple of days until he cools down too as I bet you anything he'll do the whole blow up and apology routine

Thank you.
I guess I have just been brainwashed to consider him and his needs all the time. We've been married for 25 years.
I tried to leave a short while ago. Of course, he's now behaving like the man he should have been all these years.
It's ridiculous I know.

Just go. You don't need to tell him anything.

Yep, as above.
Do a bunk and phone him. Just say you need a few days rest.

Don't make a drama, just be economical with information and don’t get dragged in to scary conversations.

Don’t tell the kids too much in case they want to speak to him and give info away.

You can do this. Stay strong.

The kids have all talked to SS. They have said nothing to him.
We just need to go don't we?
I'm afraid he will be even worse afterwards, if I just leave without a word.

Just feel really alone.
I'm not going to be hoovered back in again.

This sounds like a good decision for you. I'm glad you're taking the steps to leave. You'll be better off for it. Before you leave make sure you have everything you need in case returning is made difficult by your partner. This list of things to sort out might help you out so you are prepared to leave/divorce - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/

Do you have anywhere you can go? Friends, relatives? Delivering this news to someone like that is best done with some distance. Trust me, people like him really don't merit the usual dignity of being dumped in person.

I am so sorry you and your children are going through this. Please plan your moves as much as you can. Police and social services will not help you. They want to see bruises, broken ribs and have facts beyond doubt. It is disheartening and you feel let down. I speak from the experience.
Do not tell him anything. Send him a text after you have left and do not answer the phone. i know exactly how you feel when you say that you are used to consider his feeling - no more. Look after yourself and the kids. Hope youhave relatives and friends that can support you. If you can support yourself financially then go to B&B. If you can't then contact Women's Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/
They are my be able to get you to a secret unit while you sort yourself out.
Keep posting here.
Good luck.

I mistakenly thought I should tell him in person, but I'm too afraid of his reaction.
I have organised an Airbnb.
It's like it's not happening to me but someone else.

@JKM66 thank you!
I tried to get into a refuge. There are none.
I have no friends anymore. Family yes, but nowhere for is to go,

He has all the money.
I just can't believe how little real help there is.

Please ring the Live Fear Free Helpline 0808 8010800 if you are in the uk, they will help you

So we have left.
I have emailed him.
Heard nothing.

Well done OP. You’ve 100% done the right thing. Now you need to stay strong, keep those kids safe by staying away. Don’t listen to any pathetic excuses or begging as men like him don’t ever change, not for long anyway

How are you getting on OP? Hope you and the kids are okay

He's leaving the house today.
We will be back home.
Kids are quiet and just want to go home.
He's completely shocked and behaving reasonably for now.
He's actually apologised. Never been known before. I'm so sad. Too little, too late.

The kids will adjust once they are back home with their things.

He’s apologised because he knows you mean business, but it wouldn’t take long for him to revert back to his old behaviour.

Sending you strength and best wishes 💐

He's getting a flat, quite a distance away.
Still acting very reasonably. Makes me confused as he seems to be the person I've longed for...

Don't be confused OP. If he knows SS or police have been notified then of course he's going to be nice. They are bigger than him, with more power. Stay strong and remember this Mr Nice Guy is not the real him. The real him hurt you for many years, hurt you enough for the police to be involved. The real him was the one you were scared of. Stay strong

Thank you.
Feeling very sad and very much alone today.

It's understandable to feel sad and lonely, even vulnerable after a break up, but you need to remind yourself why, especially when he's acting Mr Nice trying to hoover you back in.
Get a pain and paper write down all things he's done to you, keep adding to the list, when you feel sorry for him or guilty ... Read the list.

He's acting Mr Nice guy because he's losing control, it acts like thus to get you back.... then he'll act the victim, then he'll get angry, then he'll be hateful, then Nice again.... its all manipulation, he'll use every tactic he's got.
Best thing to do is grey rock him, your kids need you to stay strong and get this done.

You got this, I'm so proud of you!! X

I have the SW report. It's not pretty but I remind myself of that when I'm sad. Makes me determined.
Just the little things I miss, like a show I've seen that I'd like to discuss. Then I remind myself that he didn't do "small talk" which was all I could offer...

Just the little things I miss, like a show I've seen that I'd like to discuss.

I get it, I really do. But use this opportunity to expand your support group, some of whom could end up as friends. If it's a big show then make a post on here to discuss it with others. If its a local one do they have a Facebook page where you can make comments/discuss? If you watch TV there is a section here that discusses certain programmes etc. Is there a local social knit & natter type group? You can do this

Hi,
So I just wanted to update anyone who is still interested.
Things are calm, dare I say, amicable. He is trying to guilt trip me and is annoyingly helpless re: domestic matters etc. The only difference I've noticed in my life is that I now have to take the bins out myself!🤷🏼‍♀️
He's getting counselling, but I don't think he quite accepts it.
I am trying to keep my distance.
I'm very very sad. He found a letter I sent to him in 2017 and messaged me to say that he realised nothing had changed and apologised again.
Christmas was lovely. Just DC and me. We laughed and laughed. We are all so much more relaxed. New year has been hard I can't lie. Trying to look forward but I think it will be a hard year and i am afraid sometimes. I don't regret leaving though...

I hope your ok OP x x