Childcare arrangements - is this reasonable to suggest?

[loopyloo52]

My partner and I recently separated - its' amicable. We were not married but have a signed maintenance agreement which states that my ex Partner will have my son 2 nights per week and 2 full weeks each year. The actual days etc were not specified.

I originally suggested Sunday and Monday nights on a regular basis as my ex sees his daughter and grandson usually on a Sunday and it would be nice for my son to go along too and see them so he can nurture those relationships.

But now I'm thinking Sunday and Monday doesn't really give me much ME time. I don't have much of a social life at the moment however it may change and it'll mean that my only day to myself would be Sunday night each week if we proceed with the current agreement.

So I was thinking of proposing we alternate between Sunday/Monday nights one week and Saturday/Sunday nights the next.

Does that seem reasonable do you think? It'll give me a Saturday night to myself every other week.

Seems totally reasonable. How old is your son?

Thank you @TeaKitten he's 13.

Why not Friday and Sat nights on the alternate weeks?

Do you think your ex has an idea of what they want? It doesn't seem much contact on the face of it?

My friend suggested that, but I like to do park run with my son on Saturday mornings anyway so I'm never up for a late one on a Friday anyway tbh.

My son is autistic and has ADHD, the reason for the 2 day a week arrangement is so that my son can have as much stability in his life as possible really.

Would your son be ok with the days changing between different weekends then?

what Does your son want?

yes I think he'll be fine with it tbh

I think this sounds fine and quite nice for your ex as well as he'd get a full Sunday every second weekend which is handy for doing things rather than having to collect/drop off etc.

That's a good question, my ex partner told me what he wanted 2 days a week when I suggested we separate - and I was more than happy with that so agreed with it. My DS and I are extremely close - he's autistic. My DS would probably say he'd prefer to be with whoever has the fastest internet connection if we asked him lol! He seems happy with what we've told him is happening but obviously we can easily change the arrangement further down the line if things are not working out for any reason.

2 full weeks is not a lot

however at 13 in reality it will come down to what your son wants as courts don’t force a teen to go somewhere

Based on that it sounds like DS could manage more time with his dad, so you should do that. It’s not about what either parent wants, it’s about what’s best for your child and if he can manage with it, then that’s more time with both parents.