Financial agreement. Help?!

[Admirable23]

Good morning,
I am recently divorced but need to do the dreaded financial order so needing some advice on ‘how to’ while keeping costs down.
Together since 2008, married since 2010, divorced 2023.
One child age 12.
Child lives with me and sees dad fortnightly at the weekend.

There are no assets, no property as we always rented. I am still in that property and he is renting elsewhere.
All we have are pensions and inheritance money.

I understand mediation needs to take place firstly.

Then I have two options (that I know of).

Clean break order
To court and let a judge decide.

In anyone’s experience will a judge sign off a clean break order if one party has over 80k (most of it inheritance) and the other just has their monthly wages and pension for the future?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Are you actually already divorced?

If so, I’m not sure you’ll have any claims on each other’s money.

If you go through the motions of demonstrating you have disclosed everything, have taken independent advice and reached agreement the judge will be most likely sign it off.

Otherwise you are glossing over some significant assets that exist and are relevant to the marriage. Pensions can be very high value assets.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money or time on any of this. But the judge will want assurance, not reassurance, you have reached a fair agreement based on informed advice.

Yes, divorce has been completed.

I’ve no idea what the pensions are worth. Mine is basic I guess. In and out of jobs for several years due to childcare. Think I had 6 different jobs while our son was younger. I’m more settled now.
I have spoken to different solicitors and they say it should be split but I’ve had so much grief off my ex husbands sister with threats of social services that I feel it may be best to just let him walk. Social services would be a dead end as her threats are nothing but vapour and untrue (I starve him, neglect him, leave him alone for over 12 hours etc). I just don’t want my son tarred or disturbed over this.

That’s why I ask if a judge would just sign a clean break without questioning the difference in finances.

When I divorced we wanted clean break 50/50 except for pensions as we were only early thirties and so each wanted to keep our own. Mine was much larger, but we had agreed and not needed mediation or anything.

The judge rejected the financial order twice, the rejection was worded very broadly as they don't advise, but the upshot was whether I had considered asking for a larger share. My ex earned a lot more than me as I was still part time then. We had to both write separate letters about why we had reached the decision we had, and how it would work out for our child. It was accepted on the third attempt.

Just about everything in this post is grounds for a judge to reject it.

The Judge’s role is to ensure fairness. That involves confirming decisions are fully informed and not made under duress.

I don’t see any value in conceding to his sister’s bullying. Let your ex deal with her because this is going to backfire on him more than you.

His sister is nothing to do with it, I wouldn’t be missing out on 40k because of a sister in law. Let her call social services, it will be worth it, think if all the things you could buy or provide your son with when having an extra 40k in the bank!! (Go for more than half, as you will likely get it)

He 100% won’t go for 50/50. I thought a judge may just sign it off as quickly as the final order. Think I hit the button on that final step and got an email back less than 2 hours to say the divorce was complete. He cashed in his pension already from what I’ve been told (I have no proof of that).

When was the 80k received during the marriage or after?

I guess I expected a judge to just sign it off as quickly as they did with the final order. That was signed off within 2 hours of hitting the button on the final step.
I have just had it in my head that the judge/court will just see a clean break being requested then agree to it without question. I feel I have a lot to learn.
I do understand the emotional side of his inheritance though. I think that’s the biggest factor of why I thought about the clean break.

My ex is in a new relationship now with a lady he met online from the Philippines. They got together a month after we separated. He has said he plans to move there permanently and travel back to the U.K. twice a year to see our son, which honestly makes me furious because our son is very close to both of us.

Same week we separated. Before divorce was final.

I'm also thinking of the costs involved. I can see the legal fees in something like this to exceed 20k. This is obviously something I simply cannot afford. No idea how other single mums/dads do it. It would most likely be drawn out, I'm also willing to bet he has put anything of value in an unknown account or in his sisters name. The costs would sky rocket in this case.

Sorry, I have just figured out how to add the comment I was replying to 😆

The basis for saying a marriage is over is no fault. Therefore as long as one person wants it a judge will yes. That bit is a rubber stamp.

Custody and money are the complex issues that people go to court over. Then a judge must ensure that the order is based in potentially complex law. Otherwise a party may be disadvantaged due to coercion or lack of knowledge. This is why there is a court and a judge.

Why don’t you just offer mediation and if he refuses litigate in person to get a share of whatever is due. The alternative is to go to court and hope the judge agrees a clean break and doesn’t ask any awkward questions. But accept you are foregoing a lot of money.

In this case, no they wouldn’t be use it could be seen as coercive control. And rightly so.
Do not listen to your hateful ex SIL. Get an appointment with a solicitor to go through all your options.

Would this be to represent myself in court? I did initially think about this but had read many storys where people did this and got railroaded because their ex had a solicitor representing them. Would a judge see through that kind of situation?

I would go to court to let them decide as I would rather not be finger pointed for taking from my ex but I am wary of the costs involved. If I was to walk away after the fight with nothing then I would be left dealing with thousands worth of debt..

I will get an appointment and see what they say. Would a solicitor take on a case like mine?. As in I have no expendable income right now, would they take it on if they were sure they would get a 'win'. Hope that makes sense, I haven't been through legal issues before so not sure how it all works.

You need to start with mediation and full disclosure (ie you both share bank statements, debts, value of pensions etc) and then your mediator will lead you through negotiations.

Taking it to court will cost A LOT.

The consent order needs to be lodged and approved before the divorce is finalised - it is the final order that makes the consent order stand. If you haven't done that and have your final order, you'll need to seek advice on the best thing to do. I don't think mediation will apply either as it also needs to be done before the divorce.

The mediation isn’t about the dissolution of the marriage it is about the financial settlement. It should have before but it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t happen that way.

Is this a bit like saying if you've finalised your divorce there is no case for any kind of settlement if that's what was wanted?
I have been under the impression that there are two elements to divorce, the final order and the financial order, both are to be dealt with separately. While it is more straight forward to do the financial order before the final order it is not an absolute must. Claims on assets and finances can be made many years after the final order unless one or both have remarried. I believe the one that has remarried can make no claims against an ex spouse. Imagine any of us buys a house? Would that be a marital asset because we are still tied financially?

Mediation is required before attending court, I've been told that a court will ask this when applying. If mediation fails they provide you with some kind of certificate as evidence that attempts to settle have occurred.

It's genuinely a hard area. In all honesty after things I have read I feel I should let it go to court. If it turns out that a shared settlement is given it may help me to secure future needs of our son without me doing it all alone, especially if my ex decides to leave the country because not only would he not be here to support our son physically and emotionally but also financially.
Our son and his future are my driving force, yet the guilt I feel because of where the money originated is absolutely controlling my next move on the whole thing. My ex simply did not want to do the financial order so I left it alone and the divorce went through.

So I'm here to gain knowledge, to maybe find others that have been in a similar situation or have any insight on what to do, to find out what would be acceptable in court, would they accept a clean break where we both walk away with what we have and no split when there is a child involved, is it easy and will it be a fair outcome if I was to self represent?. Is any of this worth the trouble?

I'm so flustered by it but know it needs to be done for everyone's sake and future.

I've had a look at costs and they're ridiculous. I will still speak to a solicitor though, just to get some advice.
If it went to court I would try to self represent (or start dating a family solicitor 😂)