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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He's abusive. Is my divorce straight forward?

11 replies

rougeroses · 09/11/2023 10:01

Could anyone give me some advice please?

Need to file for divorce.

Been separated for 2 years and been claiming universal credit ever since.

I am a carer for my autistic child (not his) and have 2 other children.

When we separated, we split the savings 50/50

We have no joint finances

We have no mortgage

I am in a housing association home which I got after we separated.

We have a child together which just lately, he hasn't seen much of at all. Nothing set in stone in terms of contact. It's just been a couple of hours here and there.

He is in quite a bit of debt, none of it is in my name. He is a gambling addict.

He pays no maintenance (going to cms if he hasn't paid this by tomorrow)

Called the police twice now regarding his abusive behaviour.

A couple of things:

  • when we separated, I took the car. The loan is in his name but the car is in mine. He has added to this loan since but there is only about 9 months left on the car part of the loan. I have told him I am not paying for this.
  • He pays for the sofa that's in my house. I have set up a standing order to pay him for this monthly
  • he says he wants to take me to court so as he wants me to pay him for some work he did on the house. Although I have proof he was doing this to help me out and never wanted paying.

Can anyone tell me if I am best to just apply online or should I get a solicitor with him being abusive? I know I will get help with fees.

It should be easy as there is nothing to sort but I am scared of him and how difficult he could make this.

I want the process to be as easy and straight forward as possible but I don't want to make the wrong move because he is an absolute nightmare to deal with.

Thank you.

OP posts:
WowOK · 09/11/2023 10:07

Get a solicitor and let them deal with it. They can deal with him. It gives you a degree of distance from him.

If he's an arse hole or gets abusive report to the police. I'd be very clear that you only want contact with him if it its pertaining to your joint child. Then only reply to stuff about the child. Don't engage in anything else.

Original poster
rougeroses · 09/11/2023 10:18

WowOK · 09/11/2023 10:07

Get a solicitor and let them deal with it. They can deal with him. It gives you a degree of distance from him.

If he's an arse hole or gets abusive report to the police. I'd be very clear that you only want contact with him if it its pertaining to your joint child. Then only reply to stuff about the child. Don't engage in anything else.

Thank you. I feel this is the best option. If I get a solicitor, will he have to do the same? Or can he do his part without one?

He wants to just do it online. I have the marriage certificate so he's asked me to file first. When he knows I've gone through a solicitor, it will make him even more angry. If he has to then get his own solicitor, he won't be happy about it!

OP posts:
FSTraining · 09/11/2023 11:32

You've posted before. The amounts you are fighting over are less than the cost of 2 hours with a solicitor.

If he wants to pursue that, leave him to it and then sort out the divorce in a few months.

Original poster
rougeroses · 09/11/2023 11:37

FSTraining · 09/11/2023 11:32

You've posted before. The amounts you are fighting over are less than the cost of 2 hours with a solicitor.

If he wants to pursue that, leave him to it and then sort out the divorce in a few months.

I have yes but there's no harm in me posting again. This is about the best way to divorce him which I haven't asked for advice for.

I'm worried about his gambling and debt. I do not want to risk any of that falling on to me. I'd rather just get it over with.

OP posts:
MaryJanesonabreak · 09/11/2023 11:43

Do what’s best for you. He’s not considering you, only himself.

A solicitor for you will help you and keep his bullshit away from you.

WowOK · 09/11/2023 13:24

He wants you to file so you will be responsible for the divorce costs. Its nothing to do with the marriage certificate. Anyhow, you want rid. Just do it via a solicitor. As i said it gives you a middle man and some separation from the situation. He can complete his part online if he wants.

You are very concerned about him possibly kicking off. Its not your Job to pacify him. You aren't responsible for his behaviour. If he kicks off its on him. If he threatens, is aggressive, is viiolent contact the police. Abusive men tend to kick off when they begin to lose control.

FSTraining · 09/11/2023 14:17

rougeroses · 09/11/2023 11:37

I have yes but there's no harm in me posting again. This is about the best way to divorce him which I haven't asked for advice for.

I'm worried about his gambling and debt. I do not want to risk any of that falling on to me. I'd rather just get it over with.

Show quote history

The best way to divorce him is to let him stamp around for a few months, waste money and then when he's done submit a divorce form and ask to settle finances. You have barely any assets between you and all the noise around your divorce is just that, noise. Just ignore it, the amounts involved aren't going to be of any interest to a judge.

Gambling is a conduct issue, you won't be lumbered with any of that.

Bax765 · 09/11/2023 14:23

Definitely go through a solicitor. Even if it is straightforward, it means everything will be done properly, nothing will be missed, and you won't have to deal with him directly.

Original poster
rougeroses · 09/11/2023 14:51

WowOK · 09/11/2023 13:24

He wants you to file so you will be responsible for the divorce costs. Its nothing to do with the marriage certificate. Anyhow, you want rid. Just do it via a solicitor. As i said it gives you a middle man and some separation from the situation. He can complete his part online if he wants.

You are very concerned about him possibly kicking off. Its not your Job to pacify him. You aren't responsible for his behaviour. If he kicks off its on him. If he threatens, is aggressive, is viiolent contact the police. Abusive men tend to kick off when they begin to lose control.

That's what I wanted to know. Whether I can go through a solicitor and he can do his part online. Is this really the case?

He literally relies on everybody to do everything for him. He can't even make his own appointments so if he has to get a solicitor too then I know it would just drag everything out

OP posts:
WowOK · 09/11/2023 15:06

rougeroses · 09/11/2023 14:51

That's what I wanted to know. Whether I can go through a solicitor and he can do his part online. Is this really the case?

He literally relies on everybody to do everything for him. He can't even make his own appointments so if he has to get a solicitor too then I know it would just drag everything out

Show quote history

https://www.gov.uk/respond-divorce-application

Respond to a divorce application

When your husband or wife applies for divorce: how to respond, agree or disagree, start your own proceedings, court hearing, apply for a decree absolute.

https://www.gov.uk/respond-divorce-application

WowOK · 09/11/2023 15:08

He can do it online or by post. Its up to him.

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