ExH spending savings / bonus on new furniture possibly recklessly

[Onedaystronger]

STBEXH moved out in April, he initiated the split but I applied for divorce in June.

He refused mediation after the maim. He's been living with a friend until this week when he has moved into a properly that he (we) previously rented out.

He has asked to come to the marital home this week to collect some furniture and personal items. I realise he has every right to do that.

I was fully expecting him to want to take lots of things- and the best of things e.g. large TV, decent sofa etc..

But he hardly wants anything, and has said he's taking things we hardly use like an old table from the loft, a sofa that's so old it's practically unusable, and three sets of plates, cutlery etc.

He's been unkind throughout the process and I was struggling to understand why he was taking an apparently considerate approach.

But I've realised that he will have received his annual bonus and has a large savings pot so will be using these funds to refurnish the house- no doubt lavishly.

This bothers me for a few reasons:
It leaves me with all the old furniture , more than I need, plenty to split between us.

He is using savings that would be considered within the divorce settlement but which as they are in his bank account I have no access to and he will spend as much as he can on refurnishjng.

He is probably purposefully spending assets in form of cash which could be split on items that he could take from the marital home.

I am a low earner and he earns a great deal of money- well into six figures. I won't go into details so as to stick to my OP but after this is over he will be extremely well off whilst I am using the last of my savings in the hope my solicitor can sort things so I can survive financially (I am 55, poor health, one son XHs step son who is 16). He is trying to ringfence the previously rented properly that he's moved into and make me move out into rented accommodation which I cannot afford.

I'm not sure I can do anything? Any advice would be great. My solicitor is away.

I'm not a lawyer.

Anyone moving out of the marital home is going to need to furnish the new place. Expecting him to use old furniture when he can clearly afford new is unreasonable and I don't think you can stop him.

That's if he is going to buy a load of new furniture; at this stage you can't be sure.

In your shoes I'd focus on the big picture - getting the right settlement.

I think YABU.

He's allowed to furnish his new property adequately and I don't blame him not taking old furniture to do this with. Especially if he has the money to do so.

You could sell the old furniture, with his agreement, to free up space in the marital home and to pocket some cash yourself.

Understood. We are not yet divorced though, and the money he is spending could make an enormous difference to me. If he spends all our savings on furniture there will be less to split at the end.

As it is I am looking at having no home, an excess of furniture and now potentially nothing from joint savings.

It's really hard to deal with....

Please tell me you have a lawyer.

I'm in the same position - STBX has spent all of our savings on new furniture, holidays etc since leaving me to set up home with someone else. Didn't want any of our old furniture, which will be useless to me in the much smaller house I will have to move to. Second hand furniture has no value really either so selling it isn't going to raise enough for a new sofa etc. I'm hopeful that a judge will look at the expenditure position and add it back from STBX's share of the equity from our house. At the end of the day though you just have to let it go - your ex will be living in a nicer house with nicer stuff. So what? It's just stuff.

@Elektra1 thank you for sharing that with me. You're right, if is just stuff and it's also no big deal
If he has a nicer home with lovely furniture- I'd still be happier in a cardboard box.

I'm in the same situation. Wherever I end up will be smaller and so the items we have won't fit. And they aren't worth anything to sell.

It just feels unnecessary and unfair and I am scared about the future.

I think I am going to write an email which very clearly spells out that he should feel free to take exactly what he needs, and maybe include a list of suggested items which he is welcome to discuss. That way hopefully I can at least show that he had options other than to blow a fortune on new furniture.

I honestly wouldn’t even spend your time doing this, it won’t make any difference and you are going to be better off just trying to move past this.

He has moved out of the home and has got a new place, he is entitled to spend his bonus furnishing it however he wants to, there isn’t a court or solicitor who can tell him not to. Although you are married, this is still his bonus he has received and no solicitor can tell him not to spend his own income on furnishing his new property.

Although it is technically possible for a court to prevent him spending money, you would have to first prove that it is being done with the intention of getting rid of assets. Because he has a new space and needs to furnish it the courts will allow that (have a friend in a similar circumstances). Furnishing a new property is fine, if he went out and bought a brand new range rover then obviously that is different x

the rented property as well as the matrimonial home are both part of the marital assets. they should both be sold and profits split

I think that these days the correct position is that income accrued after the date of separation is not in the marital pot for division, but it probably comes down to needs.

@Elektra1 that makes sense although this bonus was earned in the period ending before we split as it is paid long in arrears.

I think this will fall into a needs basis and he does have more to enough to help us with basic needs unless he manages to spend all our savings....

I am trying to rise above it and focus on what really matters. It would be easier if I was less scared of being left without enough to manage.

Make sure you have sent him an email saying he is welcome to have any of the marital furniture, fixtures and fittings that he wants, and ask him to confirm that he does not want them. You don’t want to be in the position of having to give him cash for these to offset the cost of the new items he’s “had to” buy because mean old you kept all the old stuff ;)

Was it earned by both of you or just him? If just him as in at his work/job, then it doesn’t matter when it was earned it’s when it’s paid for those purposes, if he received it after separation you won’t be entitled to part of it as it wouldn’t be put into the “pot”, just like if you won the lottery tomorrow you wouldn’t want him to have half of your winnings as you’re separating.

You should prepare for the fact though that if you’re in the UK you’re not going to get any ongoing “spousal maintenance” as it’s not really a thing here. You will most likely get a % of assets and possibly a % of pension, but how much will depend on length of marriage and other factors x

It isn't unusual for ex's to spend cash as fast as they can do they don't have to split it in the settlement. It's a sneaky tactic but common unfortunately. I don't think there's much you can do, unless you got an order to freeze assets/bank accounts but I can't see that happening.

Bonus relating to a period when you were still
together does form part of the marital assets. Do you have access to any savings?

"You should prepare for the fact though that if you’re in the UK you’re not going to get any ongoing “spousal maintenance” as it’s not really a thing here. You will most likely get a % of assets and possibly a % of pension, but how much will depend on length of marriage and other factors"

I really don't think any stranger on the internet can give this advice. Whether or not you're entitled to spousal maintenance will depend on a number of factors and your needs. If he isn't willing to give you enough capital from the house to re-house yourself, and his income allows, you may get spousal maintenance to meet your needs. Albeit, SM is time limited anyway.

@Elektra1 I agree. I am grateful for all advice but am trying to remember that it's all so complicated and often not at all cut and dry.

I believe short term SM is a possibility in my case. But that it is uncommon these days in England. Without some help I am not sure how I will manage as despite working full time I don't earn enough to cover the basics.

EXH is looking to sell marital home and give me a share of equity to use to rent. That is doable but I'll swiftly spend all the equity to cover the rent and after it has all been spent I wont be able to afford rent and that is a huge worry.

Meanwhile he has moved into the large house that was previously rented which has a tiny remaining mortgage.

It's a scary place to be in. But I am trying to take things one day at a time.

I have a solicitor but she is eyewateringly expensive and she's rightly careful to manage my expectations. EXH has unlimited funds to spend on legal fees.

Before anyone judges me for being on the back foot. I was made redundant from a better paying job during Covid. I've since developed a health issue which means my abilities are limited so although working full time I don't earn much. I am not disabled enough to qualify for any help or PIP. I have fallen between the every gap in the net which is supposed to help people and level the playing field.

But, I am on my way to being free. That is priceless!

If you have 2 houses why would one need to be sold?

How long have you been married for?

@Soontobe60 both houses are of similar value. The marital home is unarguably jointly owned but has a larger mortgage remaining than the one which was rented out. ExH has moved into the previously rented one. He is trying to ringfence it as he owned it before we met 15 years ago.

It seems to be complicated but as it's looking like a needs basis divorce he hopefully will have to help me. I'm just not sure if it will be enough for me to manage.

It's hard to fathom how someone who I thought loved me unconditionally and had a good heart can be comfortable with leaving me unable to cope when he has enough assets to have all he needs and allow me enough to manage.

@Theunamedcat almost 6 years. Cohabited for 8.

It's hard to fathom how someone who I thought loved me unconditionally and had a good heart can be comfortable with leaving me unable to cope when he has enough assets to have all he needs and allow me enough to manage.

^^

I'm afraid that's my ex too. He's knowingly putting me under financial strain. He's seen all my bank statements so knows I'm living off my savings even though he's supposed to pay me interim aliment. I'm working fulltime but with sky high rent I rely on his contribution.

He's playing the long game, I suspect, hoping I'll have to withdraw from my solicitor's help and he'll walk off with a larger share of the marital pot. It's very unfair that those ex's with big jobs / high salaries can do this to the mothers of their children 😟.

You split up in April. Money your EH has earned / accrued after this date won’t be deemed as joint finances.

If he had taken a huge amount of furniture/belongings I think you would probably be up in arms about him taking a his things.

He hasn’t - and yet you are still unhappy. You said yourself that he’s taken things that you both we hardly use.

He can spend HIS annual bonus on what he wants if this has been paid to him
since April. He is your STBEH and doesn’t need to seek your approval.

Your post (IMO) comes across as jealous that he earns more and he wants to furnish your shared flat with new things.

There is a lot of nonsense being spouted on this thread as gospel OP. Please don't take it as such.

The reason I say this is that divorce settlements are entirely dependent upon the couple's individual circumstances.

A sahm divorcing at 55 after 30 years with children of the marriage will get a significantly different outcome to a woman married for 8 years with no kids of the marriage and the ability to earn well..

It all depends on circumstances.

How long were you married.
Was the let property owned in a mortgage . How many years prior to the separation was it bought . (I imagine family money used to pay the mortgage ? )
By how much has your salary decreased ? Is this long term or will your health improve ? What is the pension situation ?

Of course he can spend what he likes on new furniture but it won't stop a court from including his bonus earned during the marriage ! So he could have made a big mistake. !
(Bonus 10k but he spends 8k on furniture still means you are owed £5k ) for example..

Just make sure your solicitor knows all the facts.

Personally on the face of it they just want to see both parties adequately housed . So if you can both afford the houses you have then a deal can be done ..

I'm sorry OP, but if you've only been married 6 years with no joint minor dependants then I think you may struggle to argue a case for a large settlement, especially for any bonus paid post separation. I wouldn't bank on spousal either if you're in the UK.

This is a short marriage. What is he offering you money wise? Has he offered a figure?