Coparenting

[presto32]

So I'm splitting with H, he wants the children to stay in the family home and for us as parents to rotate in a rental flat. I think we will do a 50:50 split.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice on this and how it would work?

I am divorced

very amicable and great comparenting

what you describe sound absolutely f*ing awful

I considered this. We eventually decided against it. We do week about and it works well.

Why would you freely agree to clean 2 homes for him (yes yes, not all men, but mine suggested this and that was my point.)

It would be a no from my perspective. Could you imagine him moving on and bringing his new girlfriend sleeping in your bed ok his week, sitting on your sofa, washing in your shower, eating off your plates. No thank you

Best option is to sell the house and both find a place to live in the same- ish area so after school tea time es and impromptu sleepover at each house can happen as you live a few minutes drive from each other

Think about all the smaller details that will be invisible work…who will they fall to/will it be equal?
Things like changing the bed sheets (adults and children), the food shop including cleaning supplies and laundry detergent etc, who will clean the bathrooms/mop the floors? If you swap in at the weekend who will make sure there are clean uniforms and PE kits ready? What about overnight guests or new partners? It might be tricky if you don’t have very consistent rules and boundaries for the children. It’s easy for me to say ‘at Dads house you might be able to eat in your bedroom, but here you don’t’ but it blurs the lines if they only have the one bedroom but different rules.
One of the reasons I separated from my ex was him not pulling his weight in the house/with the children so I absolutely would not ever consider an arrangement like this!!

Definitely would not consider this. Imagine it will only end in tears. You need your own space that is yours.

Yes I realised I would end up being responsible for two bloody houses, not just one!

Think you'd be better off renting a room in a shared house each, or a studio flat. Otherwise unworkable in my opinion.

I can only see something like this working if there are three properties and limited financial issues in terms of maintaining the house that the dc live in.

You are going to need your own space, not one you share with an ex. There are a lot of practical and emotional issues with house sharing.

There needs to be clear financial boundaries in relation to maintaining the houses.
What happens when one of you thinks something needs fixing or updating in the kid's house and the other person doesn't.

This is rarely done for clear reasons.

There are lots of ways to do this. Check out Facebook group called: m.facebook.com/groups/familynesting/?ref=share

Fwiw we're doing this as an interim solution and it works brilliantly. There are downsides. But better for us than alternatives.

Check our books by Beth behrendt and Toby Hazlewood.

I considered this as the best solution for the children but STBXH wasn't interested. In hindsight I'm glad. I can imagine an endless round of small frustrations - getting home and it's a mess, things you have bought going missing, still being responsible for the lions share of the work, no privacy etc. It also doesn't allow you much distance from your ex. But if you think you can handle all that, there are advantages, it's definitely cheaper and easier on the kids.

Thanks for this, I will join the group.

I don't think it's a good idea either but H is keen not to disrupt the kids family life. Perhaps in the short term and maybe we could do it for a couple of months while he gets his head around the fact that we are definitely splitting up