Holiday booked but wife and I of 20 years in a rocky patch

[Hortyboy]

I hope people can advise me. I’m in a loving marriage with my wife, been like soulmates since we met over 20 years ago.
Been going through a rocky patch which is awful for both of us. No one else involved but it’s killing us both emotionally.
Had a holiday booked abroad for months but my wife says she doesn’t want to go and suggests I go alone to clear my head. Really not sure what to do and would welcome other peoples views.
I don’t want to inflame our problems by ‘appearing’ to enjoy myself abroad. The holidays paid for and a small part of me wants to go on my own but of course would love to be with my wife there as perhaps it would help us.

In your shoes I'd try to convince her to come tbh. Like you say, it might do you both some good.

However, it does depend on what the rocky patch is due to. If you've just grown apart, the time together could be just the ticket. But if there's long standing issues, she may just already have closed down.

I don't really understand this. A holiday might be just what you need together.

Why does she want you to clear your head?

What is she going to do whilst you are gone?

Are you sure she hasn't had her head turned?

I tell my husband to go travelling on his own as I wish we were not together anymore after 20 years. For me is a much needed break from him and tbh a test to see how I feel when he is away. So far I am certain that we are divorcing soon. I would not feel guilty by going but would make sure your wife is really happy with you going solo.

That sounds a lot like a test.

We’ve both said it’s difficult as we’ve been through some family traumas over the past couple of years (and other things). I think it’s just overloaded us both.

I doubt family traumas would cause this... it's the other things you're drip-feeding us that I feel is the key to this.

Your supposed to say "There is no way I d go without you so I won't go". And after that she will say "sure maybe we should go". It's basically some sort of test. At this point you d be forgiven for thinking life is too short to put up with this relationship.

JLPTH I’ve been suffering from quite bad anxiety and recently diagnosed with very low iron which was presented itself with mood swings, rapid heart beat and falling over. Thankfully on the mend but been very hard for my wife not knowing what was wrong. Collapsed in a doctors surgery, taken by ambulance to hospital and told on a Monday morning I may have cancer and liver disease. Thankfully both were incorrectly diagnosed after tests. Her bother lived with us during lockdown having been diagnosed with cancer then suffered a heart attack. Again pleased to say now cured but after a long stressful time. I think all of these things have taken their toll on us both.

Sounds like it's been a tough patch for you both. Will she say why she doesn't want to go or what she perceives to be the issues in your relationship?

Spot on 🎯