Preparing for divorce

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My husband and I are going through a really tricky period at the moment, one which we may not be able to get through. I am trying to prepare for this possibility as best as I can, as I will be left in a difficult position. We have 3 primary aged DC, he is the higher earner by a massive amount (he works ft, me pt, my career has been on the back burner for reasons of the kids, my chronic illness and to prioritise his) These were all the best choices at the time, but now it's worrying me. So when people say to "get your ducks in a row", what should I be doing? Starting FT work straight away, even though that would not be in the best interests of our family at present? I am feeling a bit lost, so any advice would be welcome. I am painfully aware that if we split, he will be just fine, whereas I will struggle to make ends meet even working FT. My salary at present may cover a mortgage or rent and nothing else. No food, bills, stuff for the kids. Nothing. 😭

Get some advice from a solicitor. Your position may not be as bleak as you think. I am the breadwinner in out family whilst my emotionally abusive, lazy husband who also has a chronic illness does nothing around the house and only works when he feels like it. I have been informed by a solicitor that due to his illness and our income disparity he may be entitled to 70% of the equity and some of my pension savings as well.

Any pension rights (yours and his) built up throughout the course of your marriage are part of the marital pot on divorce. Each of you are entitled. You may decide to take more of your share in the home equity but don't rule out that CETVs are generally prudently valued. In my case I'd rather take £ in pension over a £ in home equity.

Don't make changes to the status quo re earning capacity, especially given your health and young children. Ducks in a row mean making sure that you know all about the finances, any bonuses, shares, secret savings accounts, pension value, debts

You will be fine. Really.

Practically you make sure you have birth certs and marriage certs.Your passport. It is all you need.

Financial info if possible helps a bit re salaries for initial lawyer session etc and a photocopy of deeds is useful (but not necessary)

You are married.

I wish I had done expensive things like renew my passport. Get a coat/new uniform, but some new staples for my wardrobe and the DCs etc. Go to the dentist!

Put cash every week in a hidey hole.

These silly things will make you feel more in control and be in control.

I do think you will be fine though. But I am not a lawyer. To me though, it seems obvious.

@Stuckandunhappy I think I may be in the same position as you soon. It is so unfair isn't it. My husband is self employed but only declares a small amount so on paper the disparity looks big whilst in reality he has cash in hand that he does god knows what with!! x

@Josiekitty Sorry to hear you may be in the same position with me, it's so utterly unfair isn't it. I wonder whether to seek advice from another solicitor or would I just be wasting even more money that I really don't have for a completkely hopeless situation.x

@Stuckandunhappy I think it would be worth speaking to another as that is so unfair x

This might also help you get your things in order - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/ it'll tell you everything you should consider before getting a divorce. It was quite helpful for me as I hadn't considered some of the things it mentioned.

Thankyou for your advice. I am utterly heartbroken.