Are needs met?

[Mumof3confused]

I divorced my ex a year ago (decree absolute requested prior to financial resolution). Currently waiting for final hearing.

We have sold the family home and each purchased a home, having split the proceeds 50:50. We each have a car, earn similar amounts although mine has plummeted recently due to my work being very vulnerable in the current climate (freelance). A pensions expert report has been ordered.

There is about £50k left in the ‘pot’ and currently held in escrow.

I have debts, including £10k relating to setting up home as my ex took all furniture when he moved in secret. Also he’s left me to foot the bill for all children’s costs (uniform, residential trips etc etc). These funds were all used for the benefit of the children. I also have about £5k debt relating to pre-separation credit cards.

Whether relevant or not, it was a 10-year marriage and I put £250k into the marital home at the start with him contributing nothing to the deposit (mortgage and other costs shared equally throughout). I understand that ‘special contributions’ are only taken into account when there are very large amounts of money involved.

My father also gifted me £40k a few years ago, in order to adapt our house so that he could move in with us (disabled). Of course, I would still like to be able to move him in with me but would need to adapt my new home. He lives abroad and at the time of the gift, paperwork was signed and witnessed to ringfence this sum in the event of divorce. He lives in a country where the law is different in this respect, of course my ex was aware and fully on board at the time but now claims that the paperwork is not valid as we are divorcing in England.

What is the likely split of the remaining £50k? 50:50 or is it possible I might get slightly more considering the £15k debts, and the other factors? I am mostly wondering what open offer to make ahead of final hearing. I am a LiP but I do have solicitors advising me, however I feel they’re not being entirely clear. My ex at the FDR made an offer which awarded him the entire £50k - stating that he needs funds to renovate his house which I believe is a ‘want’ but not a ‘need’ (don’t we all want to renovate our homes?)

The honest answer is that if you go to a final hearing over this sum you'll probably come away with half of nothing each, once you've paid all the costs.

Your father's gift might have been ringfenced; so it went to you as part of the split when you each purchased new houses. His needs were greater because he did not have a share of this gift.

Debts - well, ideally if there was any money left after a final hearing you would be able to cover some of these. Costs for the children for example and maybe some reasonable extra for furniture. But ultimately you're fighting over about £4-5k or thereabouts and you need to question whether it's worth it.

Agree with PP, this all just needs to be put to bed now. 50:50 is the easiest way. The time for winners and losers is over. Chalk any loss up to experience and move forward with your life the best you can.

I have no choice about the final hearing, believe me I have made so many generous offers to try to avoid it! I do have to make an open offer however. Also wanting to understand how a judge may see the situation. I believe that an open offer should be reasonable? I have offered him more than half, essentially just shared credit card costs to be paid off on my side from these funds but that’s also been turned down.

My ex has received large sums of money from family throughout this period (£35k or so) so his needs were met regardless. Family also paying his legal fees where as I am a LiP. The £50k is held in escrow so can’t be touched until after the final hearing. I am using credit card to pay for any legal fees, however my understanding is that his costs are his and mine are mine, ie these debts are not relevant.

The thing is, if we come away with 50:50 I will have to use my share to pay off £15k debts which obviously doesn’t leave us in equal position.he’s also left me to pay £5k costs towards the children which should be shared (he claims and retains the child benefit and spends it on himself).

It’s a mess but ultimately my hands are tied. What is mostly stressing me out is how a judge might view all of this. They made up so many lies and even painted me as cruel during the FDR and claimed falsely that I had been trying to take the kids off him - I have never even as much as suggested this. We have 50:50 care.

Because of the size of what you are fighting over, the judge is probably going to be annoyed with whoever has insisted on taking the matter as far as a final hearing. And then huffily give you half each and politely tell you both to go away. If they are in a particularly prickly mood they might also tell you both off and say it can't be good for the children having parents fighting like this.

They won't consider money received from his family if it has just been to pay legal costs and most of your debts will be considered your own now.

@FSTraining so if I’ve already made 50:50 open offer and this has been turned down, is there a chance I could be awarded costs?

His family money has been used to fund his lifestyle and towards his new home. Also they gave him a car.

It doesn't tend to be likely in divorce cases but if you have made a Part 36 offer, it is rejected and then he does not get a better result in court then it is not completely unheard of. I wouldn't bank on it though.

Yeah, so it's not really going to satisfy a future income need and unless those home improvements have been substantive it's not increased his capital, besides the car. I don't see it making a huge difference.

If more than.1 DC and you both have 50/50 care then 1 parent claims child benefit for 1 DC and the other parent for the second DC. If you have receipts for payments you had to make for DC school uniforms etc he should have paid if he keeps their child benefit. I think the £15 debt will be seen as a debt of the marriage regardless of whose name it's in and I suspect that will be paid off first. Then remainder split giving you both equal chance to move on. I'd suggest this.

@caringcarer does judge have the power to decide this regarding child benefit?

We have 3 DC and he claims child benefit for all 3. He then sacrifices additional salary towards pension in order to get to keep it all, as he earns above the threshold. And declines to share the costs but spends plenty on his own entertainment instead. Meanwhile I am on a smaller and less secure income (freelance and very vulnerable in economic climate).

You need to make a claim for CB for children too. They wrote to you asking who has care of DC and my nephew had shared care but DC live with him all the time but his ex wife still claimed it. They asked who buys their food, who does their washing and where do they sleep and a few other questions I think one was who bought uniform. Then they wrote to him saying he would be paid the CB from then onwards.

Well for sure I buy the uniform and I also deal with all school and health related appointment, applications etc. I will try that, it’s a significant amount.

What was the outcome of this? Did you make it to a final hearing?

Sorry posted to wrong thread, trying to delete

This reminds me of my friend's divorce. She kept saying "But it's not fair!" partly because he was abusive. Emotionally she couldn't move on from how "unfair" she felt the split was, like she should get more of the assets because he was a bastard. She was so stuck emotionally that she struggled to make any decisions in the divorce, everything got dragged out, she couldn't bear to be in the same room (not even digitally) with him. Although at least the lawyers didn't take it all to court and cost an extra £20k.

She didn't get more of the assets than him. But from Separation to CO took almost 7 years.

@Nimbus1999 the final hearing has been delayed.

@lljkk my ex doesn’t think anything other than him receiving everything and me going bankrupt is ‘fair’.

I know this is late but in case it can help in any way see if these free help guides can give you more info on what you'd like to do in your divorce - https://iamlip.com/
I was an LIP too, I couldn't afford the solicitor fees but I'm glad you are able to get some advice! It's scary sometimes going in without representation, especially if they've got a representation, but it's not so bad when you actually have help guides telling you what's going on/what you can do. Hope this might be able to help a little x