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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Shall I appeal court order?

34 replies

Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 16:22

Hello
I attended my final hearing on Friday and was left disappointed with the result. It was a extremely horrific experience, very emotional and I'm now so worried about the future of the children and me. The children are only 12 and 9 and despite his lies in court and questionable income (self employment earnings gone down by half??) The judge agreed with his proposal of;
Selling the house in 6 months
43% share of the equity
38% of a pension he didn't pay into

I feel let down by the justice system and now the children and me are essentially left homeless. I've worked for my employer for 23 years and currently on a part time basis. There's no budget to increase my hours at the moment and I don't want to leave because of all the benefits I receive such as a good pension. Going full time is out of the question at the moment so I won't be able to get a mortgage/buy him out.

Is there any support or advice out there? I feel totally lost 😞

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 30/10/2023 18:09

You asked for advice on here and most people suggested 50;50 with sale of house plus pension was likely. The fact he did not pay into your pension is not relevant as you were married

fdr also indicated similar

i don’t think it’s worth the emotional time and actual cost to appeal it - you might not agree with it but people rarely do

sorry

millymollymoomoo · 30/10/2023 18:10

You need to explore options of wrap around care I think to allow you to go full tine

or sell the house

sorry you didn’t get the outcome you wanted

Original poster
Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 18:34

@millymollymoomoo thanks for your comments

OP posts:
thelonemommabear · 30/10/2023 18:37

With a 9 and 12 year old I'm surprised you think working part time is still reasonable? You need to be working full time if you want to continue a certain standard of living and stay on in the family home. Have to say I'm genuinely surprised why so many women think part time working can and should continue post divorce. I don't think it's worth going back to court. What did you want to get out of the settlement?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 30/10/2023 18:40

I can't see that appealing would achieve much. Can you seek extra work in another workplace? Surely you can fit more hours in with the children at those ages? In 2 years the 14 year old will be able to babysit the 11 year old happily so factor that in, childcare costs won't last for long.

Fahbeep · 30/10/2023 18:43

It's a challenging time but an appeal might not be possible, might drag things out, and come with costs. It might be better to plan for the future with what you will have.

MaryMcI · 30/10/2023 18:45

Is the 38% of the pension over the period you were married or your whole pension? If it is your whole pension, that is crazy. I am in Scotland where assets are only split for the duration of the marriage and it would be 50/50 down the middle. (Sorry, probably not a very helpful comment).
I am not sure I would appeal as that might just cost more money? I probably would try to work out your options now based on what you have got and just draw a line under this and try to move on.

Humphhhh · 30/10/2023 18:47

Don't panic to start with. House sales are rarely quick so you've probably got 9-12 months to find somewhere. Start looking for places to rent near the kids school as it'll be a lot easier if they can walk home. Once you know what rent you're looking at you can work out what salary you need. Many jobs only require 2-3 days in the office so you can do full time by working some of it at home.

I'm really sorry this has happened, it's really daunting having to leave everything behind and start over by yourself with two kids. But you'll be ok, your kids are a bit older and you're employable.

Make sure their Dad pulls his weight - emotionally as much as practically.

Look after your own mental health including ignoring cruel posters on this site.

FSTraining · 30/10/2023 19:11

I'm sorry you are not happy with the result but I am afraid it was well within expectations. You now have a 6 month cushion of time to work full time and find alternative accommodation. I'm afraid this is a very normal outcome and I cannot think of any grounds you would have to appeal.

FSTraining · 30/10/2023 19:12

If you haven't done so already you might also want to get a universal credit application submitted.

LDA123 · 30/10/2023 19:27

Sorry you didn’t get the outcome you wanted. I hope you manage to find full-time work, I’m not sure what you do but a lot more businesses offer hybrid type working so more time working from home. Helps with school runs if possible to nip out to collect the kids and at 9&12, hopefully they can entertain themselves until you finish. I don’t know if this is possible with your work / school run. It might seem overwhelming now but I’m sure you’ll find a way and it will all work out. Could you consider part-buy schemes if getting 57% of equity?

Original poster
Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 19:40

@Humphhhh thanks for your supportive comment 🥰

@thelonemommabear when women receive little help from the children's father or have no extended family support, it's very difficult to work full time. I don't work pt because I'm lazy - far from it. I do it because I have to. Please leave your unhelpful judgments aside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 19:43

@LDA123 that's really helpful thank you. I didn't think about part buy schemes but I will look into that

OP posts:
FSTraining · 30/10/2023 19:44

Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 19:40

@Humphhhh thanks for your supportive comment 🥰

@thelonemommabear when women receive little help from the children's father or have no extended family support, it's very difficult to work full time. I don't work pt because I'm lazy - far from it. I do it because I have to. Please leave your unhelpful judgments aside.

A court would have based its decision on a number of factors. These two are worth bearing in mind:

  1. That if you are a UC claimant, you can get £1.6k a month towards childcare. You can therefore work full time but might not want to; and

  2. You can also get help with rent and neither of you had a big enough income to keep the FMH.

You might not like those attitudes but they are the ones the judge at appeal with follow, just like the first one did.

LDA123 · 30/10/2023 19:53

FSTraining · 30/10/2023 19:44

A court would have based its decision on a number of factors. These two are worth bearing in mind:

  1. That if you are a UC claimant, you can get £1.6k a month towards childcare. You can therefore work full time but might not want to; and

  2. You can also get help with rent and neither of you had a big enough income to keep the FMH.

You might not like those attitudes but they are the ones the judge at appeal with follow, just like the first one did.

Show quote history

I was entitled to childcare help via UC, already working so could easily increase my hours etc, no help from the Dad with childcare. The problem is, it’s not always as easy as that. I’ve been on the waiting list for after school club now for over a year and still no spaces. None of the other clubs have after school places. I have 4 children. So it’s not always so easy to get childcare for before and after school, not from lack of trying! Depends on your area I guess.

NorthernSpirit · 30/10/2023 19:55

It’s almost impossible to over turn an agreed consent order.

No one ‘wins’ in divorce finances, both parties come out disappointed.

The finances that supported one household, now have to stretch across two.

You won’t be made homeless. You’ll get a share of the equity and can either buy or rent (the courts don’t care about you being a home owner). BOTH parties need suitable accommodation to house the children.

There’s no reason you can’t work FT. Many single mothers (of much younger children do so). It’s a luxury to work PT - and one you know can’t afford.

LDA123 · 30/10/2023 19:59

Could he step up and look after his own children and allow you to increase your hours? It’s very difficult being a single parent with no help from the dad, no family locally and difficulties getting childcare places.

LDA123 · 30/10/2023 20:01

But you can do it! No matter who overwhelming it feels right now.

indianwoman · 30/10/2023 20:18

Who got what percentage? You didn't say who those percentages applied to?

thelonemommabear · 30/10/2023 20:23

when women receive little help from the children's father or have no extended family support, it's very difficult to work full time.

It's not that hard at all. There are lots of women in the same position myself included - we have to use childcare and if needs be change employer even if we really loved our jobs and been there a long time

FSTraining · 30/10/2023 20:25

@LDA123 I'm not passing comment on how workable each order is, only how a court will deal with it. Courts do however find people become much more resourceful once the option of relying on an ex is taken away from them. They've also heard the reasons people "can't do it" a million times before and treat it the same as six figure earners who have suddenly started shift work at Burger King and marathon runners who suddenly lose the ability to walk. You get the idea.

Intelligenthair · 30/10/2023 20:29

Sorry, I think YABU.

Your settlement sounds fine to me, and you absolutely could be working full time with those aged kids. There’s loads of us on here single parents without support who have no choice.

Fahbeep · 30/10/2023 20:29

thelonemommabear · 30/10/2023 20:23

when women receive little help from the children's father or have no extended family support, it's very difficult to work full time.

It's not that hard at all. There are lots of women in the same position myself included - we have to use childcare and if needs be change employer even if we really loved our jobs and been there a long time

OP's looking for emotional support during a difficult time, not judgement. Park it @thelonemommabear. It's unhelpful.

Totaly · 30/10/2023 20:34

OP's looking for emotional support during a difficult time, not judgement. Park it @thelonemommabear. It's unhelpful

I was about to say the same thing.

OP lick your wounds and come back fighting. Things change. It may be a fresh start you need.

Where are you and what are the figures? We could maybe make some more suggestions.

Original poster
Rubystar78 · 30/10/2023 22:54

Thanks for all supportive and non judgemental comments from some of you, I really do appreciate it. I guess the concensus is that an appeal would be a waste of time, which I kind of expected but just wanted to get some thoughts from others' experiences.

Working FT has never been out of the question, I just hoped the judge would have given me a little more time than 6 months to sort housing out for the children and me. The heating was very emotional and traumatic and full of lies on his part that's why I'm feeling so upset at the moment.

OP posts: