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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Opinions on ex husbands chats

21 replies

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:16

Hi,

so this is just for opinions and advice if anyone’s had experience.

long story short, 7 months separated, he’s moved on living with another women and I filed for divorce. There’s been arguments and stuff but we’ve deffo got to a really civil patch now and co parenting great.

Anyway last night we had a chat like normal about little one and Iv just moved back with my parents so I made a joke about being 31, divorced and back home. Then he started saying he might not agree to the divorce not in a nasty way but I said why and he just stared at me had nothing to say. Then told me he had everything and now he has nothing, to which confused me cos he’s basically got a new little blended family ?

I dunno do men do this; leave and then act sad 7 months down the line?
we do get on and he helps me out I ever needed and I would for him.

dunno why I’m writing it just needed to get it out somewhere.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2023 14:18

Why did you split up?

Findyourneutralspace · 27/10/2023 14:18

Think about what might have changed. There is a reason your marriage didn’t work. Is there any reason to think something has changed and that it would now?
In my experience yes, they do sometimes come back after six months, regretful, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to take them back. I’d want some clear insight into what went wrong and what steps had been taken to address it.

Tally00 · 27/10/2023 14:19

He's playing mind games, keeping you there in case things don't work out for him. He's probably realised the grass isn't greener but if he was serious about you he wouldn't have let you go.

Tally00 · 27/10/2023 14:24

Then he started saying he might not agree to the divorce not in a nasty way but I said why and he just stared at me had nothing to say. Then told me he had everything and now he has nothing, to which confused me

This is power, he wants you to think it's up to him if he decides to let you go or not.
He doesn't want you to free for anyone else, meanwhile he gets to act the free man and do what he chooses.

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:26

This makes so much sense.
during the chat there’s not once I thought he wants to come back but I just couldn’t put my finger on why else he would be saying it.

OP posts:

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 27/10/2023 14:28

He’s keeping you on the back burner just in case you dare meet someone new so he can muscle his way back.

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:28

He fell out of love with me, in fairness it was a shock but on separating I now agree since having my little girl I was a shell of myself and since the spilt Iv just got the old me back, maybe due to having more me time which I never had before. Let’s just say he’s more likeable now cos he helps more.

OP posts:

Reugny · 27/10/2023 14:28

This is power, he wants you to think it's up to him if he decides to let you go or not.

This.

I've met people - well my DP is also one - whose ex-spouse did everything to try to stop their divorce. Everyone got divorced in the end.

Just be prepared for dirty games and being known by the staff who do the admin for the relevant family court.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/10/2023 14:29

Tally00 · 27/10/2023 14:19

He's playing mind games, keeping you there in case things don't work out for him. He's probably realised the grass isn't greener but if he was serious about you he wouldn't have let you go.

I agree. It should be 'I'm really sorry I miss you can we talk about getting back together.' Perhaps he was testing the waters though. Are you interested in having him back op?

4naansjeremy · 27/10/2023 14:29

Maybe he had a falling out with his new girlfriend that day? Maybe throwing out a bit of bait in case you might give his ego a little boost in some way.

Maybe he loves you and has serious doubts about the path you are on.

Men are frequently idiots.

Jewelspun · 27/10/2023 14:30

He knows that now your in with mum and dad they as grandparents won't mind babysitting if you aren't to go out and possibly meet someone else.

Meanwhile he's now in the same situation as he was with you, ties to a woman and kid/kids.

He's jealous.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/10/2023 14:31

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:28

It might be that he was the problem. He drained you. Now you're being properly supported by your parents who love you priperly (same here!) you're flourishing! He is jealous and confused about how you're doing so great now but couldn't be this person 'for him'

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:33

No, he’s had my child around another women and created a new little family unit, even if he doesn’t see it that way I do. I miss him and il always maybe have a soft spot so to speak but I need to be alone and work on me now and just keep my daughter happy with consistency. I’m a very trusting person and I wouldn’t have that with him anymore.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:35

Haha yeah, a couple of weeks ago he told me he regretted it. But he says all this and continues to go live with his new missus. I understand he has feelings but I think now they need to be kept in his head because he obv just hadn’t a clue what he wants.

OP posts:

Reugny · 27/10/2023 14:36

he obv just hadn’t a clue what he wants.

He wants an easy life.

TheCrystalPalace · 27/10/2023 14:49

How do you feel about the fact that he's said that to you but went back to his new partner and almost certainly slept with her.

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 14:51

Hahaha just find it strange, I’m ok with the idea of him and her now I came to terms with things. This is all out the blue and not coming from me so I’m puzzled.

OP posts:

stealthninjamum · 27/10/2023 15:08

I think we can lose ourselves in a relationship especially when we have kids. A proper supportive partner would try to help - to make sure we had time to pursue hobbies, exercise etc but an arsehole won’t. So when the relationship ends we become the strong person we were originally that they fell in love with. If there’s a new person the ex might start to see their flaws when they’re living together and miss the strong, attractive us.

I say this because my ex left and had a midlife crisis. He felt the grass was greener elsewhere. A few weeks later he came back crying. I had gone down two clothes sizes, bought clothes, done a load of diy including buying new furniture for the bedroom and felt pretty confident. I honestly don’t know if I had asked home to come back if he would’ve done but by that point I didn’t want him.

So I wonder if he’s confused, maybe you look happy, confident and attractive. Plus he has moved in with someone else really quickly. Either she was an other woman and now her morality is making her less attractive or he sees her with no makeup on and spending time as a mum and he realises the grass wasn’t greener and he had a better life before.

Milarky · 27/10/2023 15:50

He's sees you looking so good and relaxed and doesn't want you to get anyone else. So he's throwing you crumbs.

Just ignore him, try not to think about his comments again and have a great life!

Original poster

Sallyxox · 27/10/2023 16:26

I’m the same lost aload of weight and just managed to be more the old me and get some confidence back. So possibly is that but shame they can’t see us at our worst maybe and work at it

OP posts:

Ryansmrs · 27/10/2023 16:55

I was the same with ex"d"h. He wore me down, treated me terribly and I became a shell of the woman I'd been before I married him. I moved back in with my wonderful parents who basically rebuilt me. I lost weight, got my hair done and bought a wardrobe full of new clothes, just became the old me again. He immediately wanted me back, this was after he'd chucked old fatty, downtrodden me out and moved his glamorous new woman in. He was full of charm, telling me he loved me blah blah blah. I'm ashamed to this day to admit I very nearly fell for it, I even ended up in bed with him again. Something I never told my parents about and I still feel very guilty about 30 years later. Thankfully, I saw sense and didn't move back in (he'd dumped the other woman to prove how much he loved me). I could never have trusted him again and he'd have eventually reverted back to type. It would have been a pattern that would have repeated for years. There were no dc involved, so I suppose it was easier to escape him. I soon found happiness with my now dh, who has always been faithful and genuinely loves me.

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