Familly issues with in laws etc

[Maria831]

Hello All,

Glad to be a member of your forum
I d like to share my story with you and share ideas and opinions
I am from Greece came in the UK to follow my husband career dreams around 6 years ago.
I had issues with my in laws they never wanted me to marry their son...We had major issues and really bad behaviors
When they first met me his father was saying in my face that I was ugly for his son and that I just studied Economics and I m a secretary while his son is doctor, this went on throughout all our marriage with both his parents being really negative
From time to time I was trying hard, especially with his mum , was buying expensive gifts for her, and trying to approach her, and for a while everything seem to be fine, however the result was always the same.
She speaks really badly to him about me , and when I complain she says that I do not respect them etc. Truth is to be fair that sometimes , cause I really tried hard with her and cause they constantly treated the same way I lost control and spoke really bad to her...
I left my old parents being an onlychild behind and the house I struggled to buy in Greece to follow their child. I support him , I just care for my family but of course they do not care about all these...
This is now too bad for me , however, my husband even if he understands his parents are totally wrong and behave badly he cannot oppose to them
He never did, something that caused lots of arguments between us, but I m tired now...so I m just saying LET IT BE...

I don't know what to do exactly won t be easy at all to separate 40 years old with 2 kids and being an immigrant with a salary of 1900 per month in London ...However, my husband is very attached especially to his mum and I really don t know how all this going to work now...
Maybe he does not love me enough...

I’m so sorry they have been like this with you it’s appalling! Not nice at all and you husband? Well he should have stood up for you years ago and maybe this nonsense would have stopped. You deserve better than this .

Thank you :)

I don’t have any advice but lots of sympathy. Take your time: you don’t have to separate if that is not your best option. Have you tried just sort of mentally separating from his side internally? Just don’t engage: don’t make plans with them or buy gifts or host them? Tell DH you are too busy and that they don’t like you so you can’t be bothered.

Look into getting a better job. Review your finances and begin saving money on the side (mad money!) for if/hen you need to divorce. Don’t act precipitously—now you know you can’t salvage the relationship with the in laws you have a lot of power.

Yes that is what I started doing, saving money ...My husband is not emotionally stable with me sometimes he says he cannot cope without his mother approval and support and sometimes he says he cannot live without me...So that is also bad cause I don t know what to expect :(
Is really bad I know , my job is permanent and as I m from Greece I do not want to risk a lot...maybe if I divorce I ll have to find a second job as well to make ends meet and hopefully he will give some alimony for the kids...
I stopped the gifts and stopped talking to his parents for now as they insulted me a lot lately and his mother says I should not speak back or react to what they re saying!!! So is better not to have contact at all... Bad thing is that she might influence the husband and pollute his mind as she was always doing in the past...My husband understands though now that they are wrong, that is what he told me...
It is really tricky situation, if I knew their power and what I d go through before I got married I would never get married with him...but now is a bit late..
Thank you for your advice :)

I wonder if it would help to get into couple’s counseling with the goal if strengthening your marital bond? Sometimes these very enmeshed husbands can gather strength and clarity when they meet an outsider who helps them see how dysfunctional the family relationship is. If you belong to a specific religion sometimes they run marriage retreats and meeting other couples helps the husband realize how much he is failing in his role.

there is a book that Ive heard is good “when he is married to his mother.” You might look at that.
Dont try to solve this problem from inside , try to get outside help.