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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Waiting till I leave the room

13 replies

RobinaRedbreast · 19/10/2023 00:26

So my ex-partner decided to separate after 8 years and I am having to look for somewhere else to live due to home ownership by the ex-partner. The ex-partner is being cold, refusing to eat in the same room as me and won't even attend church when I am there. At first I was hurt by how cold ex-partner has been but their behaviour seems to be showing their true self and am glad we are separating. I now only worry about ex-partner in regards to how they will treat our daughter.

Tonight's query.

Our daughter wanted to snuggle in my bed (what used to be the spare room) and fell asleep. Ex-partner waited until midnight and as soon as I left the room and took my mug downstairs to the sink was heard moving to 'my' room. Ex-partner took our daughter and put her in her own bed (daughters bed).

To me this seems weird, pathetic and spiteful.

What do you think? I've never had an ex-partner behave in such a way.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 19/10/2023 08:20

He wants his daughter in her own bed, to prevent problems in the future, no harm in that.

Hoardasurass · 19/10/2023 08:24

If your dd doesn't normally co sleep then I would say that they did nothing wrong in putting her back to bed.
Aa for the rest whilst on the surface might sound petty if you're not getting on and are stuck living their home with your dd avoiding each other is better for her than having a atmosphere or outright hostility or arguments.
You need to move ASAP and start working out how to coparent with your ex rather than expecting things to carry on as they were before.

Octavia64 · 19/10/2023 08:27

I couldn't be in the same room as my ExH and struggled to talk to him.

It wasn't that I was cold, it was that he'd upset me so much I couldn't be around him without wanting to cry.

CorylusAgain · 19/10/2023 08:28

DustyLee123 · 19/10/2023 08:20

He wants his daughter in her own bed, to prevent problems in the future, no harm in that.

Then he discusses that with the child's other parent.
Walking into a room and removing a sleeping child from the other parent's room is controlling.
The child will be aware that life has changed and feeling anxious. Comfort from a parent is entirely reasonable

Syrupyslop · 19/10/2023 08:30

CorylusAgain · 19/10/2023 08:28

Then he discusses that with the child's other parent.
Walking into a room and removing a sleeping child from the other parent's room is controlling.
The child will be aware that life has changed and feeling anxious. Comfort from a parent is entirely reasonable

Edited
Show quote history

Completely agree with this.

tenpoundpombear · 19/10/2023 08:36

DustyLee123 · 19/10/2023 08:20

He wants his daughter in her own bed, to prevent problems in the future, no harm in that.

Unless you're the xp in this scenario how can you possibly know that?

Octavia64 · 19/10/2023 08:39

How old is your DD?

AnSolas · 19/10/2023 08:39

You ex is not respecting you bedroom space which will be an indication of what will happen in the future when you do move out.

As for DD is it usual that she sleep in bed with one or both of you and be moved or is the snuggling new?

If it is new you need to work with your DD's needs while making sure that neither you or your ex are using her as a pawn in a game of one-up-manship.

You will be moving out and I am guessing that DD will be staying with your ex in the home so that will be a big adjustment for her as well as you. But for her sake you need to avoid setting up situations where your moving out causes additional trama.

I would also begin the court process around custody asap as i would not expect that you and your ex will agree on the details.

SuperGreens · 19/10/2023 08:55

So he snuck in and moved her when you had gone downstairs for a few minutes. That sounds pathetic and jealous. Someone who will not be capable of putting the child first.

Original poster
RobinaRedbreast · 19/10/2023 18:51

6 years old

OP posts:
Original poster
RobinaRedbreast · 19/10/2023 18:59

Thanks all. I think DD is wanting comfort at the moment due to the separation and has at time fallen asleep in the ex's room after listening to a story.

And yes, I find it intrusive that ex is coming into 'my' room as I try to avoid or knock when going into ex's bedroom. This also bothers me when I'm trying to shower.

It's been almost 3 months but a new place for me is on the horizon so I'm moving personal belongings to self storage.

This is my first break-up that has involved a child plus this is the worst behaviour I have seen in an ex during the separation period.

Due to family and friend pressures I think we can manage to sort the 50/50 childcare.

All in all, I have a few more early warning signs to add to my list for the next potential partner (after a few years recovery!).

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 19/10/2023 19:17

He's messing you about and using your kid to do so. Next time take up a thermos of your hot drink.

vernatheraven · 19/10/2023 19:35

How long till you move op?

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