Do you ever get over it.

[Underwatersally]

I’ve name changed for this as my family know my usual posting name on here and wouldn’t understand at all why I feel this way.
I separated from my ex husband 5 years ago, we were together 10 years. Have 3 dc together (13y 9yr 7yr)
So I’m going to start by saying I’m not ever going to get back together with him, he lied, cheated (several times), was emotionally abusive.
He was also my first proper love, was kind, supportive, encouraging, funny and smart 90% of the time.
I grew up with him, I became a parent with him, owned my first house, first car. Every first of my adult life was with him.
I just can’t get over him even this far on, I can tell myself objectively that he wasn’t good for me, he hasn’t changed and never will I will never go back to him and yet I’ve had two relationships since and I ended them both because if I’m being completely honest I would love to get back together with him.
Thankfully I have a supportive family and they would be so disappointed if I got back together with him and also I know that it wouldn’t be healthy to get back together with him.
I don’t think I’m being all whimsical and feeling like he was the one that got away etc I do realistically know he’s an arsehole but does anyone else still feel this way about an ex? Will it ever go away?
I still have the occasional dream that we are a couple and honestly feel so upset the entire next day because we are not.
please be kind I know how utterly stupid and ridiculous my feelings are but I just want to know will this stop at some point or how do I just switch these feelings off.

Time changes things alot. The more time passes, the less you will think of your ex. If you meet a new partner who you truly fall for, that again will probably squash your feelings for your ex.

Aside from that, when its gone, let it go...

Focus on loving yourself and doing things you enjoy.

It can help to think of life as chapters. That chapter has gone. What do you want your next chapter to be?

No advice, I just wanted to say I’m in the same boat and offer some solidarity. It hurts everyday.

im trying to look forward and think we are searching for what we didn’t have anyway, we just ‘thought’ we had that!

He was also my first proper love, was kind, supportive, encouraging, funny and smart 90% of the time.

No he wasn’t. He wasn’t kind or supportive. That version of him was fake, not real. The tea version betrayed you and did NOT treat you kindly or with support or respect. You are grieving something that never existed and once you realise that you will be free!

My ex husband was what you described- first “love”, baby, car, teenage sweethearts and what I’d have called my soul mate. But my soul mate could never have treated me in the way he did. That person I thought he was would never have broken my heart and hurt me the way he did. That version of him wasn’t real- he wasn’t someone worthy of my love and trust- he was a liar and a cheat and a hurt human not capable of real love and whilst I can be sad for him and sad for me that I was taken in for so long- it was freeing to realise that what I missed I never really had… and then I was free and haven’t looked back. Happily married to a REAL and genuine kind man who truly does love me and shows me that every day in his words and his actions and one who I am grateful for every single day. Without my ex husband being such a prick- if not have this life. So I am thankful but have truly moved on and you can too- just start by being honest about who your ex truly is.