How much divorce paperwork can I do myself?

[PurpleSubmarine]

Name changed, have had advice to LTB, am seeing sense and taking that advice.

I’m seeing a solicitor for 30 mins free tomorrow. I don’t want to waste it and would like some help with what I should ask and how to word it.

I’m thinking that now that there is no fault divorce, it’s cheaper for me to just fill in the application online myself rather than pay a solicitor to do that. Am I missing something?

For context, H has refused to leave the family home (fair enough, we own it jointly) and has also refused to have any conversations about separating, finances etc. He says he won’t leave unless a judge tells him to and keeps repeating that he loves me, taking no responsibility for having been, to keep this short, a prize dick.

What I’d like is a divorce that is quick and final, rather than the protracted drama I think STBXH would rather enjoy.

What is the best way to word with with a solicitor to push things in that direction?

I’m asking as I spoke to one last week. She was recommending mediation (which I am happy to do) but also recommending that her firm would be completing the divorce application. Am I missing an obvious reason why I shouldn’t be filling in what looks like a simple form? Is there a way of asking for help with financial and DC arrangements but doing the rest myself?

Thanks for this. He is refusing to have a conversation, refusing to leave, refusing to separate. When I tell him it’s over, he tells me I’m destroying the family and “going nuclear” and that I don’t need to be so stupid. He persists in sharing a bed with me. So I’ve filled in the form online this morning and we’ll take it from there. I’m hoping he sees sense once he realises I’m serious about it.

Good luck with it all. I would just push ahead but if he refuses to do financial disclosures it will be hard.
Where else can you sleep on the meantime? Change a living space into a bedroom?

Thank you @PosterBoy I could sleep in my study but part of me really resents giving up my bed. I’m going to have to get past that!

There’s a website called Wikivorce which has loads of advice.

Divorce is a process. Certain forms need filling out in a certain order. If finances are simple and it’s very amicable, then I think a lot of it can be DIY.

Mediation can be used at times in addition to using a solicitor. It’s much cheaper.

In some ways my divorce should be very simple. Very long marriage, adult children. It’s a straight 50/50. But it’s not because my stbxh is being a complete ass. He won’t sell the marital home, is undervaluing joint assets, omitting information, possibly misrepresenting other assets, has binned off two solicitors, tells me he is going to do X, then does the opposite two weeks later. He is very controlling and domineering so I do need a solicitor, while he thinks he doesn’t.

whatever the behaviour is that has made you want to leave him, that will be the behaviour in spades during the divorce.

My biggest piece of advice is make sure you know where all the money is. Download Form E to see what needs to be disclosed.

I found my solicitor by looking up local firms, looking at the profiles of all the solicitors. I then made an appointment with one of the partners (more expensive, but more experienced). Initially the conversation was fairly vague, but when she realised my situation she started giving actual advice. The first consultation was by phone, free and lasted about 40 mins.

I did this with two others solicitors and chose the one I liked the most.

I was also told that when it finally goes before a judge, it can be rejected if it’s manifestly unfair to one of the partners.

A final thought, if your husband isn’t accepting the situation I’m not sure how you can hope for a quick divorce, he’s likely not to answer letters or fill in the crucial Form E and it could drag on.

Is it worth trying Relationship Counselling? Not to mend the marriage but to make him see it’s over. This can be done in parallel to divorce proceedings.

If anyone reading this thinks I’m wrong in anything, please comment. I can only talk about my experience and where I’ve got to. My latest is that my husband is threatening court action (very very expensive for me), because I haven’t accepted his offer, and I haven’t accepted his offer because he hasn’t provided full financial disclosure. My solicitor thinks he’s an idiot, but a determined and cunning one, alas.

Best of luck

Oh my goodness @Isheabastard what a time you have had. Good luck to you, too.
Thank you for your help and advice. My husband is ignoring everything I’ve said, I’ve told him I’ve filled in divorce paperwork, he’s cooking for the family, calling me down for meals, calls me ‘love’, acts as if nothing has happened even though I am barely speaking to him. It’s quite a headfuck.

I think you have one or two options.

Relentlessly tell him it’s over, time and time again. Push forms in front of his face. Preface every sentence with “after our divorce” and hopes he gets the message quickly.

Or, let him get used to the idea in slower time, while you busy yourself with getting ahead of the game in gathering financial information, sorting things. You may even be able to get estate agent house valuations whiles he’s out. Read and find out as much as you can about divorce, make it your bedtime reading.

I’ve personally come to the conclusion my stbxh has a hearing problem. Whatever the pitch/tone of my voice is -he just can’t hear it.

Yes you can 100% do it yourself. I did. See if this might help you though - https://iamlip.com/
https://iamlip.com/home/
I used these help guides to help me through the court process because I couldn’t afford to get a solicitor. I had one for a short time but nothing got done and I just couldn’t keep paying so much. The resource is free so didnt have to spend thousands, my friend used it whilst also using a solicitor though so she could do some of it herself e.g. forms and save money where she could. Ask the solicitor to help where you need it but inform them that you will be filling out the forms that these guides can help you fill out. It’ll save you so much and it’s your divorce so you can decide how you want to go about it. Hope this might be able to help! It also really helped me understand what was going on in my divorce xx

OP re your STBXH denial and delusional behaviour from your last post (it is incredibly controlling BTW) - make it real by announcing it to everyone in front of him - do the children know ? They need to be told - tell your friends and family in front of him.

That’s what I had to do.

He was dumb struck and silenced and then got on Match.com within 24hrs. His denial isn’t because he adores you - it’s for his own self serving needs

Get the application going, you can totally do this yourself up the point if the decree nisi. This'll show him you're serious and give him a chance to get his head around things. The real problematic areas are agreeing splitting if the finances (house) and child arrangements, save your money for any help on that. I did everything except for some legal advice when I needed it, and a barrister at the end. It was long, drawn out and he was a nightmare. It would've cost a fortune if I'd been fully represented like he was.

I filed myself and used a mediation service for the financial aspects. Cheaper than solicitors.

@PurpleSubmarine Do you both have any children?

I'm currently divorcing without solicitors, but we're very amicable and in complete agreement over the split of assets and how we want to coparent our child. If there was any hint of animosity between us, then I'd have gone through a solicitor.

@LetsTryToHelp four children between us. One is biologically both of our. Two are his and I’ve got stepparent PR, one is mine and he has stepparent PR.

I did most of the paperwork myself. I used my solicitor purely for advice on the financial application.
Mediation failed, ended up getting to FDR to get agreement in the end. I used the solicitor as and when, and a direct access barrister for the hearings - saved myself a fortune.
He used a solicitor for everything and his bill was fairly hefty.

It is possible to do a lot of it yourself if you are happy to. I found the wikivorce site and the divorce threads on here very useful.

Good luck x