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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Weddings are lonely as a singleton

16 replies

justlikebuses · 14/10/2023 08:48

Went to a wedding yesterday, have known bride for 25 plus years. It's her third marriage. Only other person I knew was the bridesmaid. I'm going through quite a tough time at the moment, for reference, and in talking to the bride prior to the wedding she assured me that I'll be on a fun table etc.
Left it as late as possible to arrive and made a bit of small talk with a few people surrounding me, mainly offering to take photos instead of them taking selfies.
The bride is part of a huge group, and it was mainly injokes that I didn't understand.
I kid you not when I say the only people there who were single were teenagers.
It comes to the meal and I'm sat right at the back of the room, with the teenagers, who all either sat there on their phones or spoke between themselves. Most I got from one of them was she works for a supermarket.
I have never felt so lonely in all my life. I didn't stay and made excuses about a child emergency then cried in the car all the way home.
This morning I am questioning where I've gone wrong in life. Although I have friends, I've always been on the fringe of groups due to having kids earlier and then also having one much later (sole custody so no down time), so unable to join the second wind of life so many people get when their kids are getting older. And the men I meet are the same, or grandads.
Im also thinking it was a really shitty thing for my friend to do, and am questioning that too.
Existential crisis all round this morning.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 14/10/2023 08:53

Oh that sounds really tough. I was put on the random table at a wedding once while all the people I knew (singles and couples) had been put together. I felt absolutely gutted - I was also struggling a bit mentally and it felt like a massive smack in the face. But of course the bride and groom hadn't realised how it would come across, they thought of me as someone who could mingle with anyone. But I have been to other weddings as a single that were just full of joy.

Weddings can be tough, it sounds as this one just didn't work out well for you. Anything that feels like a celebration of something you don't have (and anything where you aren't part of the inner circle) can feel a bit like that. Do not read too into it.

What can you do with the rest of this weekend to look after yourself?

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 14/10/2023 08:55

Better to be single than on your third marriage, I'd say!

MintJulia · 14/10/2023 08:58

The camera is a good idea. Next time, ask the bride if she minds you being unofficial photographer for the day. Catching the 'unofficial' aspects of her wedding.

Then you have the perfect conversation opener. A reason to chat to everyone. A gift to give the happy couple when they get back from their honeymoon. And you might meet someone lovely (if you are looking?)

Plus you can leave whenever you feel like it.

justlikebuses · 14/10/2023 09:44

@Whataretheodds I'll be continuing with my weekend as usual which will be pottering around the house with my kids and going to the dump etc.
I think the thing that has pissed me off the most is that I explicitly said to my friend how lonely I've felt over the last few months. I'm aware I'm not her responsibility but I couldn't imagine not making sure one of my oldest friends was comfortable.
And it's just been heightened with being in a room full of couples and large friendship groups.
Long bath and a period of reflection of what I am thankful for is probably on the cards later to pull myself out of it.

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Healthandsocialcaremodule · 14/10/2023 09:47

Lovely little dig about her 3rd marriage there.

Could she have picked up that you're not happy for her and just shoved you in a spare seat?

CatusFlatus · 14/10/2023 09:54

Healthandsocialcaremodule · 14/10/2023 09:47

Lovely little dig about her 3rd marriage there.

Could she have picked up that you're not happy for her and just shoved you in a spare seat?

Yes. How many previous marriages the bride has had isn't relevant. To counter a PP's previous comment - better three (or more) marriages than one that makes you miserable.

Having said that, it does seem thoughtless of the bride. As you've already suggested OP, reflecting on what's good in your life may help your mood.

Whataretheodds · 14/10/2023 10:13

Hmm. When I've been single I've definitely thought 'she's had 2 men want to marry her and I can't get one to say I love you".

It's not rational but it's how you feel. It's not necessarily a dig.

justlikebuses · 14/10/2023 10:44

Healthandsocialcaremodule · 14/10/2023 09:47

Lovely little dig about her 3rd marriage there.

Could she have picked up that you're not happy for her and just shoved you in a spare seat?

Absolutely not. She deserves all the love in the world. I have shared with her how happy I am for her, she's had a rough ride herself.
Would I like a piece of that sort of happiness? Of course.

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Elektra1 · 16/10/2023 13:09

It won't be much consolation now, but a friend of mine who's been very single for a long time, and utterly despairing of OLD, recently attended a wedding alone, met a guy there and they've been dating a couple of months now. You never know what's round the corner. That said, it's also important to be content without a partner - that way you're more likely to give out positive energy that attracts the right person, if you believe in that sort of thing. It is shit feeling lonely and alone though, I know (currently getting divorced, having been left for someone else).

GrumpyPanda · 16/10/2023 15:08

Elektra1 · 16/10/2023 13:09

It won't be much consolation now, but a friend of mine who's been very single for a long time, and utterly despairing of OLD, recently attended a wedding alone, met a guy there and they've been dating a couple of months now. You never know what's round the corner. That said, it's also important to be content without a partner - that way you're more likely to give out positive energy that attracts the right person, if you believe in that sort of thing. It is shit feeling lonely and alone though, I know (currently getting divorced, having been left for someone else).

Well she's clearly not going to meet the man of her life sat with a bunch of surly teenagers!

zozueme · 16/10/2023 15:14

Was the invitation to you only or you plus guest? I agree a wedding would be no fun on your own - with no partner or friends. Don't blame the bride though - there's so much to think about when planning your wedding, it's impossible to manage everything and everyone perfectly.

Ragwort · 16/10/2023 15:16

I think that's really unthoughtful of your friend to put you with the teenagers... I really don't like formal weddings with seating plans, the last few I've been to (even though I was with my DH) we were clearly put with the 'awkward to place' guests Grin. The worst, which I've posted about on here many times, was a 'child free' wedding, we had dutifully arranged childcare... only to be sat with the brides's young nieces and nephews (not even their parents as well). So boring and tedious, no doubt for them as well as us.
I've got to the stage in life where I now politely decline wedding invitations unless very close family.

Elektra1 · 16/10/2023 15:30

@GrumpyPanda at weddings I've been to, people mix with all the guests before and after the meal - the meal taking up a relatively small proportion of the entire event.

BigSalad · 16/10/2023 15:44

So so difficult being the only older adult not part of a couple. This kind of situation actively puts me off going to things to avoid that fifth wheel feeling. Being single is for the brave (and the not so brave without a choice)

tortiecat · 16/10/2023 16:40

I'm so sorry you had a rubbish time. I was single for a long time and those in couples can be very thoughtless. I was a bridesmaid for one friend and she put me on the kids/teens table at her wedding - all our other mutual friends sat at a different table!!! I don't have any advice but wanted to say you are not alone Flowers

justlikebuses · 17/10/2023 07:58

zozueme · 16/10/2023 15:14

Was the invitation to you only or you plus guest? I agree a wedding would be no fun on your own - with no partner or friends. Don't blame the bride though - there's so much to think about when planning your wedding, it's impossible to manage everything and everyone perfectly.

Edited

It was to me only, no plus ones.
I'm seeing the bridesmaid next week but won't mention it, it's not like it will happen again with those friends.

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