Struggling to come to terms with financial blow

[EpitomeofEpiphany]

I've accepted that our relationship is over, that was the quickest thing to get over. I've done my crying and now I am happy to move on as a single person.

I am not looking forward to telling the kids especially the eldest as he is so sensitive. (He gets that from me so I understand him). But I have hope that he will get through it without too much damage. I'm willing to pay for counselling for him. Ex and I want this to go as smoothly as possible for them and bothe of us are invested in us being amicable for the sake of good parenting.

I just feel so depressed at the thought of how much I am going to struggle financially and how the likely state of the house I will be able to buy will be.
I am seeking legal advice so I trust I will get what I need/deserve but it's still so shit. I earn £30,000. Husband earns £65,000 so I know how much child menteance to expect. Although we haven't complelty confirmed how often he will have them...once he's seen the child maintenance calculations he wants to have them more! Typical.

I'm trying hard to come to terms with the change in lifestyle and down grade in house. I can accept it easily for me but I don't want to accept it for my children.

I'd love to hear how you have come to terms with it yourself. Is the adjustment easier than you thought?

Thank you

I'm just about to move into my new house following divorce. It's a significant downsize from the one we're in at the moment. I could have possibly bought something slightly bigger but wanted more disposable income every month so that my children don't have to miss out.
I am really looking forward to moving. The house is mine to do with as I please. The garden is much smaller, so less work, but still big enough to play in...just. There are no unhappy memories.
I have given the kids free range (within reason) to decorate their bedrooms and they are really excited. We've been to the local park in the run up to moving so they got used to their new area. I've been nothing but positive about the move and it has seemingly rubbed off. Thankfully my exh has been positive about it too so they know that we both think it will be good.
It's going to be hard, but instead of thinking about the things you are losing, try thinking about what you are gaining. New experiences, new places to explore, new house traditions...

@DinnerNightmare thank you.

I'm glad that you are looking forward to moving.

Yes you're right...I think I need to write a list of the positives. I'm getting stuck on the negatives. The first being less tension...no having to act happy when DH walks in and having to deal with him expecting me to drop everything and ignore kids to greet him!

Divorce is always pretty disastrous financially for both parties unfortunately. Less so now so many women work but the loss of the economies of scale is a big factor. You will get used to it of course and if your marriage was hellish then pretty quickly O would think!

I've gone from a 4 bed house to a 2 bed flat so on my 50/50 time, the kids have to share a bedroom, on the face of it a massive downshift. However, the housework is less, the location works, my salary can cope with the outgoings and once am through with the fall out of moving and divorce costs, I should be comfortable financially.

@Pussygaloregalapagos my marriage wasn't hellish.

I was in a similar position, divorce was my choice. I earned about £22k, husband earned about £55k. I've had a downgrade in lifestyle - slightly smaller house, no holidays abroad in years etc but I am 100 times happier and that's priceless.

So we are going at a snails pace. Husband has only just sent me his half of the cost of filing for divorce. I've had to pester him about it as he wanted bury his head in the sand for a little longer.

I feel sick now that he has sent it.

It's progress though.

In case it can help you a little financially, try using free online help guides alongside your solicitor. You can do some of it yourself if you don't want to do the whole thing by yourself, which is 100% something you can do if you choose! You can get some of the process done e.g. forms which will cost you hundreds from a solicitor. Here's the one I used to help me - https://iamlip.com/

It's hard at first. So hard but it helped to remind myself that my future self is happier for the decision I made. The light at the end of the tunnel might seem far but it's undoubtedly there. It will come. Your children's lives will probably better/healthier due to their parent, you, being in a better place. They're smarter than we think and can tell a lot more than we realise. Remember to take care of yourself, your wellbeing is just as important as anything else you need to get done throughout your day xx

Ah I'm having a stress. I've filed for divorce. I got this in an email to confirm:

X are applying to the court for a final order of divorce
Applicant 1 is applying to the court for financial orders for themselves and the children.
Applicant 2 is applying to the court for financial orders for themselves and the children.

We plan to come to agreement through our solicitors about our finances. So have I filled this out wrong?

I've read this over and over and I still don't get it.

Your solicitors will only help you get to an agreement. Then it should be court presented into court and subject to a court ordered judgement. The judge will check you have made informed decisions based on the right advice and information.

Otherwise you are still financially tied because an agreement between you won’t trump the statutory provisions provided to you in divorce laws. In other words the agreement can be overturned at any time in the future.

A court ordered settlement is difficult to overturn unless information is not disclosed or was flawed in some way.

For example , in a famous case a lottery winner had to share his win with his divorced ex wife because they didn’t get a court order.

So we can still agree it ourselves with the option I've selected?

You can agree it yourselves, then solicitor present to the court and they will sign it if ( or come back with questions if they don’t believe it is fair or balanced)

Thank you.

So if I've understood it correctly...

I have applied to the court for financial orders.
But what I haven't done yet is apply for which financial order.
So at some point I will apply for financial orders by consent. Rather than a contested financial order.

So the "what this means" section is explaining the two options of what to do next, rather than what I have just opted for and what I haven't opted for.

Is that right?