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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Abusive Ex using divorce for more abuse, won't submit form E

20 replies

Haley86 · 11/10/2023 12:09

I'm not sure what exactly I can get from posting this, but I feel ill with worry.
My ex has always been a bit(or more) of a scammer, with even a fraud conviction against him in another country.

He is very charismatic and intelligent, and at the time convinced me he was a victim of wrongdoing himself. Not going into my own childhood trauma, but unfortunately, I believed him. We were together for 15 years and have 2 kids (10 and 4).
Life with him was very very hard as he consistently did things which brought us to the brink financially, as well as being a disengaged husband and father.
I also had many health issues as well as poor mental state (much because of his actions)

Then, after covid, I regained some control over my life, not thanks to him, he was actively trying to set me back. I also tried to assert myself in our relationship and finances.
The result was him cheating, and abusing me emotionally and financially to the point where I was suicidal. He transferred his company to his business partner saying it's worthless (then why transfer it) without my agreement.
This culminated in my asking for a divorce in Jan 2023.
I knew the divorce would be hard, but I did not expect what's happened since.

His stance is to give me nothing (no assets, only income, even worse, he created debts on my name). He took a job earning half. He won't negotiate child arrangements.
The first financial court hearing is next week, he has been promising his form E for a month and a half now, rendering my 2k meeting with a barrister (paid by parents) useless, and the court would have nothing to see obviously.
I'm sure he is doing everything to hide whatever is possible and screw me.

I'm just at my wit's end. I can't find any comparable stories and I just want to know...is there light at the end of the tunnel? He is putting me through hell. I don't know how to help myself anymore.

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adriftabroad · 11/10/2023 12:19

Can the court not order it? Especially with previous history?

I am so sorry you are going through this.
My STBXH has been ordered by the judge, we will see in 10 days what he omits (which will be a lot)

adriftabroad · 11/10/2023 12:20

I do thinkit will be taken in dim view and his behaviour will be transparent to a judge/barrister. This is their job.

Haley86 · 11/10/2023 12:32

I'm sure the barrister and judge will take notice, but all he's achieving in the meantime is prolonging the process (he refuses to give me anything and has ruined my credit score, effectively trapping me sharing the rented flat with him. Council only offering help with places hours away which is just not an option for various reasons)

So in the meantime he gets to torture me and waste my money. When he gets told to pay costs, he will then say how he has even less money. It just feels like he's playing me at a game I can't win and there's no help from any organisation.
He's too smart to hit me, but he has abused me in every other way and no one is putting a stop to it.

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Kettletoast · 11/10/2023 16:33

He sounds like a narcissist - search Karin Walker podcast on divorcing a narcissist, she’s a family lawyer

sophmum31 · 11/10/2023 16:56

I deeply sympathise with what you are going through. I wish I could post on here with a positive slant on things and a magic wand to tell you how to make things better....sadly in my experience the courts do not protect women in this situation. My divorce took 2 years from the first hearing, my ex didn't fill in the paperwork or lied on it. Every time we got close to an agreement he would throw in something totally irrelevant that needed 3 solicitors letters to try and negotiate (pushing my costs up while his costs were nothing as he was representing himself). We ended up having to go to a final 3rd hearing. I often see on here people say the judge will take unkindly to the messing around. This wasn't my experience and my ex has never paid for his delaying of the process but it's cost me £45k!! I did get what I wanted and significantly more than he wanted me to have but got no support for or recompense for his delays and games.

I also wish I could say it was all over but despite us being divorced almost a year now we are still trying to sell the house, I still have to live here with the kid and he still tries to control and financially pressure me. Hopefully we will be moved soon and I will be free but 3 years and 4 months on and im still stuck.

All I can say is be as strong as you can be. Deal with every day as it comes and it does get better as you get stronger xx

Mumof3confused · 12/10/2023 13:57

Sadly this is the game and the playing field is not uneven. Keep a record of everything and hang in there. There’s a technique called Grey Rock - learn it and use it.

StrongHeather65 · 14/10/2023 02:29

That sounds like a horrible ordeal to go through!

What support are you seeking he won't provide?

Haley86 · 16/10/2023 07:39

Anything! He says he will give me nothing. I can’t survive on that and being the main cater for two kids even with full time work and benefits or getting a higher paying job.
he wants to see me in poverty.
that’s apart from the debt he created, it’s not even starting from zero it’s a minus.

in light of all of that and his history it’s shocking I need to pay to go through what is just further abuse.

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StrongHeather65 · 16/10/2023 11:13

What a D**k!

You didn't write what is the split between you. Did you contact CMS? They can deduct the appropriate amount from his salary is he doesn't pay up.

He won't be able to avoid it if he is employed.

Haley86 · 05/11/2023 09:09

He transferred his company to someone (his business partner who I suspect is his mistress) . Worse still they registered the company abroad. He only declares a tiny amount to CMS.

I feel like I’m fighting a losing war 😔

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Rocksonabeach · 05/11/2023 09:13

Mine was similar the judge gave me everything - have your evidence any paperwork etc

Copingdaybyday · 05/11/2023 10:27

As long as you can prove he is hiding money and has a profitable business he won't get away with it.

Is he paying CMS? What's the difference between what he is paying and what he should be?

millymollymoomoo · 05/11/2023 11:12

Your focus should be on securing capital
ges already shown you that he won’t play fair on child maintenance and if he’s self employed you’ll spend years chasing it and likely won’t come to anything as it’s easy to declare v low income

go for assets

Ffsnotaconference · 05/11/2023 11:17

Is there any actual assets to divide?

keffie12 · 05/11/2023 12:01

Get in touch with Womens Aid for support. You're in the aftermath of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse is not just physical violence. It is emotional and gaslighting. It's also coercivrness and financial abuse.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Haley86 · 05/11/2023 13:16

He registered the business in the US under his business partner. I know for a fact he is putting in work in the business and even writes online he is a director, yet he claims his only job is something making a pittance here in the uk.

he is not paying cms, but claims he contacted them to know the amount. The amount which is based on his employment here in the uk is obviously ridiculous.

there are no assets.

the icing on the cake is he claims I owe money to said business partner as he loaned money from her for our family (never signed it, and of course why is he working for free if we were in such hardship?)

none of it makes sense but they have joined forces to do this and I have no power over her.

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Haley86 · 05/11/2023 13:20

Unfortunately there are no assets. He wasn’t paying taxes and never wanted to have assets.
when I resisted he said it’s legal. When he got with said business partner suddenly he started saying he can go to jail, or rather, me too can go to jail, if it comes out and started changing and hiding everything.
including closing my access to everything, supposedly for my own good.

he was always a shady, manipulative person but I thought he won’t hurt me or his kids. then I became the target and he even says he only acted this way because of the lifestyle I wanted (I personally won’t even use credit cards etc and have never run any debt apart from the things he did on my name)

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Haley86 · 05/11/2023 13:31

Sorry for typos, obviously I’m very distressed…
I meant that i challenged him on it being not legal

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StrongHeather65 · 05/11/2023 18:39

Can I ask whether he ended up submitting his form E which i think originally he didn't or did you find the information in different ways?

Are you a SAHM? Did he always work? Did you know there are no assets or was that a new discovery? In only asking because it sounds like you are living a nightmare, but I am not sure what you are trying to achieve and whether if there are no assets there is anything to achieve apart from CMS?

You mentioned he "making a pittance", how much is that? It could mean different things to different people.

I really hope you come up on top.

Are you getting advice from a solicitor? Are they good?

Haley86 · 05/11/2023 20:24

He submitted a messy, incomplete form E with no mention of the company, after the first hearing.

he is making less than half his former income, that’s even if he paid taxes.

I knew there are no assets, but it should be part of his salary which he now hiding.

he also coerced me into debt for his business which he promised his business partner will cover, only to now say it’s my own personal debt.

he is also saying I owe her money.

there is no end to his lies and fraudulent behaviour.

I want either a higher amount from CMS and/or spousal maintenance and for him to cover the debts he created in my name.

I was a SAHM but now trying to work full time. I actually lost my job after the stress of it all, and ended up paying most of my salary in childcare anyway.

It is hell. He is a truly terrible human being.
I also found out today he told our son I initiated the divorce.

yes, after his dad won’t stop sleeping at another woman’s home. I just feel exhausted.

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