I apologise in advance this is going to be long.
Almost a year since my mentally abusive husband left me and our 2 children, he did try to come back but I just couldn't trust him anymore and actually felt free to live my life without him picking at me daily and making me feel unworthy.
He only works part time, I do believe it's cash in hand and he gets benefits with a disability element. I work shifts, 2x 12.5 hr shifts every week both days,nights and weekends and I have my rota at least 8 weeks in advance so not a week to week thing.
He is my childcare for me working, he is able to work his work around my work one of the reasons I believe it's not 100% legit. I am the only provider for our children, he feeds them when they are with him everything else gets sent with them. I have actually sent food and toiletries with them before too as he's too skint. I don't get a break for myself and he thinks he's doing me a favour because he accommodates me so I can work. He won't have them any extra, has the odd time but always takes a battle to get there and it's not consistent.
I am by no means well off, I run out of money every single month without fail. I took our kids in holiday in the summer and worked myself so hard to pay for it. Ex has now met a woman on the other side of the world and has travelled to see her, sent photos of him having the time of his life direct to our 12 year old. Just off he went for almost 3 weeks and left me to it knowing I'd struggle. This is him that is too skint to go out and buy socks, underwear and PJ's for our kids to keep at his house so I'm not packing bags all the time. The day he got back he said he'd be going back in January. He said he's starting divorce process which is fine, but how am I meant to manage with no financial contribution and him just dropping everything on me every few months. It's made me so so ill with panic and worry. How is he affording this, he refuses me a day to myself yet he can have 2-3 weeks at a time whenever he decides. The kids love their dad, I want them to have a healthy relationship with him but this is damaging us all. I used leave from work to accommodate his 'holiday'
He is controlling my time by not allowing me time to myself and always knowing when I am and aren't at work, when I take leave from work, my finances knowing they are being stretched to the max. This is going to continue and he's so unapproachable about it. I'm at my wits end, like really really struggling. I am on medication but it's not the solution. Help 🥹