Hi All,
FTP but wanted to see if anyone had experience of what I am going through.
Now ex and I have 2x children under 6 and had issues over a number of years in terms of how we raised our children and the influence of external individuals. I am private person and believe adults should be able to work together to come up with the best possible solution for their children as they know them best. I have also been heavily involved, and rightly so, in both their lives from Day 1.
Nevertheless, situation as follows, ex is from another country and has pined for a return to her home country for a number of years. (She hasn't lived there for coming up 20 years) As I am in a good job, a stable home and the children settled in their schools, friendship circles etc I have not been as accomodating as I have had friends do the same and have really struggled, both the financial situation but also the home country is very different to what it was 20 years ago - extremely expensive, issues with crime etc. In my opinion, it is not what is in the best interest of the children. On the contrary, her sole focus has been on returning home due to her parents; they are retired and spend up to 6 months of each year in the UK.
As our relationship broke down we agreed that we needed to live separately but also that the children needed to have as much time with both parents as possible, equally I felt they needed to have a main home and a secondary home rather then been sent from pillar to post every few days. As much as it pained me I was prepared to have them with their mother for 5 days in a week and me with 2 and we were working toward this.
That all changed earlier this year when I received and e-mail from the ex confirming she had taken the children and would not agree what I had suggested. (Bearing in mind it was a proposal to discuss) She then subsequently had me arrested in front of my children on the basis of a completely false allegation (not followed up by a statement) and the police advising me that even if she subsequently made a statement there would be no further action. My feel on the allegation, in some warped sense she thought they would convict me of something I haven't done and then be able to apply for sole custody, ergo removing me of any rights. No surprise, she is now gas lighting by suggesting what was contained in the police file isn't what she alleged and also that her lawyer told her to make it up. I am speaking to the SRA about making a complaint, if this is indeed true. I am also at advanced stages with the PCO in regards to the fact they did no investigative work (I have evidence which would have cleared me immediately) before arresting me in the street in front of my children. My view, is that if the authorities have not done their proper due diligence then this needs to be highlighted and corrected. I also cannot understand how UK law allows a person to make an allegation and then have no repercussions when the allegation is proved baseless. I am weighing up a seperate civil case in respect of the emotional and reputational damage caused. Equally, I have to have my children as the primary focus and think through whether or not that would make things better.
Post the above, she then provided a proposal, via her lawyer, that I would see my children 9 and 4.5 hours respectively per week on her terms. I was not willing to accept that and was about to submit a court order application when she decided to reneg and come to the table to discuss. On reflection, I should have gone through with the court order but figured she may have seen that what she was doing was wrong and would start putting the children first.
I have got back to a somewhat steady state where my eldest stays with me 2, sometimes 3 nights a week, and my youngest 1, pushing for 2. I also take a day off work every other week to spend the day with my youngest and do regular drop offs and pick-ups for school/nursery etc.
This has all happened in the last 4-5 months and, whilst very challenging at times has started to work and we can both see the benefits for the children.
Recently however, she has started discussing the return to her home country again and has told me that unless I agree she will apply for a Specific Issue order as she misses her home country and wants to spend time with her family. She is estranged from her sister (her only sibling) and the only close family she has are those who were in the country for 4 months up until c. 4 weeks ago. It is my understanding they will be back over again in 2024 for at least 3/4 months.
I will strongly contest any SIO, she has sent all of her life savings to her home country in the last 1-2 years, rents her home, is an okay middle of the range job and has clearly shown the level she is operating at in terms of the law. Ergo, she has no reason to return and, based on her behaviours, in my opinion is a massive flight risk. The children have dual-nationality and there is no way the British Government will go and expatriate citizens of a Commonwealth country. Even if they did, it would take years. Years I am not prepared to give up in regard to my children.
I wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation recently, had any thoughts/advice on how they went about it. I never wanted things to get to this situation but have to play what's in front of me.
Thanks in advance all,
UK Dad