At what point are my earnings mine and not shared with stbxp ?

[randomball]

When they couldn't bully me into not petitioning for a divorce, my previously high earning spouse immediately decided to accept the offer of redundancy and has since then not done any job hunting at all on the basis that the divorce is stressing them out and leaving them unable to work. I'm aware that the real reason they won't seek work is that they believe their lack of income will mean that they end up with a larger share of our joint assets/me paying them spousal support.

Because they are not earning and they are contesting anything and everything divorce related, in a few months time I can foresee that the un-necessarily high legal fees and cost of maintaining our family home will have used up any money that was in joint name bank account.

I've been working out/adding up the joint costs (home and child related) each month and putting that 50% of that figure in the joint bills account so that I am contributing my share of those.

As funds in that joint bills account are dwindling, my stbx has got their solicitor to send a letter saying that I must put all of my earnings into the joint bills account so that it covers 100% of monthly bills and is available for them to pay their legal fees from too. They also want details of all transactions/any balance on the current account I opened after separation. I thought that we stopped accumulating joint assets once we were separated. Is this not the case ?

The court has accepted that we are separated but living under the same roof.

Surely from separation, my earnings are my own and no longer form any part of joint assets such that I have to share 100% of them with stbx ? I'm contributing 50% of all joint costs and if stbx went back to work they'd most likely out-earn me as they always used to, enabling them to contribute the other 50%, pay for their own solicitors fees and keep any surplus monies for themself too.

To avoid a drip-feed situation, we've been separated for over a year but are having to share the family home still as stbx won't get a job so can't show income to enable them to rent elsewhere and I can't afford to rent elsewhere or pay rent for them whilst paying all the children related costs and household bills on the family home too). Stbx's redundancy payment has long since been used up on legal fees/joint household costs.

My solicitor just says "the court will decide" but if I have to continue sharing my earnings, stbx will continue to refuse to look for a job and drag out the divorce as long as possible at my expense. It seems so wrong.

What a prick. Keep careful accounts and keep plodding on.

A solicitor can advise you what to do but if you tell them to do something they will. So take his solicitors letters with a pinch of salt. Continue paying for half. And give your solicitor a kick up the backside. You need to get your house sold asap and a judge can enforce that. Have you been offered mediation yet?

Pulling this from memory but I believe you can claim uc even if you live under the same roof if you can prove you are living apart, ie separate finances, cooking/eating separately, different bedrooms, no laundry for them etc. So I'm sure this means you don't need to give him all your money. Have you separated everything or are you being kind and cooking meals etc?

Go to citizens advice for clarification if you are starting to doubt your solicitors ability (or cant afford much more).

Oh..and spousal support isn't really a thing anymore unless one was a longterm sahp and the other earned a huge amount over many years.

A judge can chose to consider someone's earning potential in these types of circumstances unless your Ex has been told they can't work by GP/psychologist.

They can apply for UC seperated under one roof provided you are living seperate lives. UC can assess their fitness to work. If you're not doing so already you need to start living seperate lives. Doing own shopping, cooking, laundry. Not sharing a room. Talking friends and family and children you've split up. Splitting child care and bills. Not going out together as a family and so on. I would simply tell them to apply for UC and if you're not appearing separate to the world remedy that asap. The clearer you can show that the better.

I would not start supporting them, unless they have no recourse to UC, sets a bad precedent. I'd also be applying for mediation ASAP and if that fails go to court. There's no point going backwards and forwards with lawyers and nothing getting resolved. At least if mediation fails and you go to court you're progressing towards an outcome. Unless of course what you want is completely unreasonable and would never be agreed by a judge. Applying for mediation or court helps draws a line in the sand to say you're separated. If you haven't seperated your lives and told everyone and applied for mediation it's hard to say you're no longer a couple. If the point to value assets at is contested the more things you can use to show that seperation the better.

Sounds like you need a better lawyer for yourself if all yours is saying is the court will decide…. Can’t your lawyer write back no 50/50 will be placed for the expense of bills only , otherwise you are right your STBXH will use you as a gravy train

I wouldn’t be entertaining any form of joint accounts with someone I was divorcing, TBH. I would be paying my half of the bills and half of the mortgage and ensuring I had receipts etc of my payment of those bills from my OWN account so I could demonstrate I had met my commitments. Your ex can then sort out their own payments and responsibilities 🤷‍♀️

In court you ex will be told in no uncertain terms that he needs to get a job; medical reasons aside he can't expect to just sit on his arse and get a free ride.

You need to expedite the process and give him and his solicitor a kick up the arse (the judge in my divorce ordered the sale of the house and would take over from my ex if he 'frustrated" the sale any more. Your ex can deffo find somewhere else to live, all he needs to do is find a job...)

As long as you remain married you are financially tied. As a married couple there are no shares or separate pots. If he doesn’t pay half the bills what would you do? You are still liable as a couple.

ATM he doesn’t have an income so he can’t pay the bills. A court won’t order him to work, that’s the job of the DWP.

You need to accelerate the divorce. Then he is in his own.

Only when considering the divorce settlement will the court use his maximised income not what he currently earns.

Perhaps you need to seek advice about whether you should consider finalising the divorce before the financials are sorted?

@Mumof3confused

"Perhaps you need to seek advice about whether you should consider finalising the divorce before the financials are sorted?"

My stbx can't be trusted, they're trying to manipulate things in their favour with everything they do/don't do at the moment. Everything I've read/been advised already says do not finalise the divorce until the financials are sorted out.

@LemonTT
"A court won’t order him to work, that’s the job of the DWP."
stbx is claiming to be too ill to work but somehow still received JSA for about 6 months last year. There were appointments with a DWP work coach but nothing came of it. Once the JSA finished there's no obligation to be looking for work and no-one at DWP checking up.

@HelenTudorFisk
"I would be paying my half of the bills and half of the mortgage and ensuring I had receipts etc of my payment of those bills from my OWN account so I could demonstrate I had met my commitments. Your ex can then sort out their own payments and responsibilities"

We bought our home back when property was more affordable than it is these days and prioritised paying off the mortgage so we no longer have one. I can pay my half of the bills from my income but stbx will use joint savings to pay the other half so I'm effectively paying 3/4 of the bills amounts. He's using his half of the joint savings to pay half of the bills ( 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4).

@EliflurtleTripanInfinite
I would not start supporting them, unless they have no recourse to UC, sets a bad precedent.
I've looked into UC and stbx isn't eligible to claim due to the level of our joint which they have access to.

@Shouldbedoing
"What a prick. Keep careful accounts and keep plodding on."
You have succinctly captured the whole scenario. My spreadsheet skills are now much stronger than they were before I petitioned for divorce.

Thanks all.

Can you prove its him spending all the savings? Maybe get the solicitor to point out you will be asking for a greater portion of the house sale due to his spending 🤔

Go online there are many Facebook divorce groups where mckenzie friends and solicitors will give advice for free

You get six months jsa regardless as long as you have paid into the system

Or she. I didn't read any sex in this, but advice is the same. :)

I concur with pp, what a total prick he is.
Is it possible to draw a line under the joint savings? Get a statement as at x date, take half, leave the other half for him so there’s not question of fairness. If you are recognised as separated, and he is using joint money, you should be able to take your half and go from there.

I would take out my 50% of the savings account so that the ex cannot be using them to pay his share of the cost. Fair enough have a joint current for the household bills, but every other account withdraw your share immediately. I can't believe he has the cheek to ask you to fund his legal fees. I bet the solicitor cringed at having to write that letter.
Although I've not gone through the process myself, I thought the court always looked at the situation up until the date of separation? And anything that occurs beyond that date is ignored. So if the ex only claimed redundancy after the agreement to separate, then he won't be able to use the unemployment to ask for a large share of assets and support. All he has done is make himself look like a prick.

Is the house up for sale? Honestly I would be tempted to just move out into rented accommodation short term (maybe with those savings he keeps spending) and force through the divorce and sale of the house.

I would use the savings to fund the bills and split what’s left at the end. Keep your own money in your own account you should then both get what is yours in the end.

Freeze the savings account or take out 50% and put it into yours, then take your name off the savings acc?

I hadn't seen that there were more replies on here, thanks everyone.

The joint funds are almost gone now so I'll have to start paying the household bills from my personal account.

Spouse has no easily accessible bank funds in their own name so will no doubt accuse me of financial abuse but they could have opened a current account in own name and transferred funds over from the joint account, they just wouldn't.

They'll have to give notice on some of their savings, which had been intended to be tied up for set periods, in order to access the money to keep funding their solicitor's fees and they'll hate that.

Well then your ex needs to do precisely that - give notice to access the savings, and use that to pay their share of the costs. And by the way, those savings are marital assets so you are entitled to those, too.

If you haven't already found wikivorce forum I really recommend it, was enormously helpful when I went through my difficult divorce.

I don't really understand. You have no mortgage so why aren't you prioritising selling the house?

Who is the children's primary carer because assets etc eill be split in line with that so I would be concerned if he's planning to claim to be the primary carer as he's not working, especially if he wasn't before.

I think you acknowledged he's a man erier but if it's the othwr way round and your partner is a woman and based on reality of MOST hetro couples, has been doing the bulk of the childcare for years, yes, she may want more of the assets.

You need to finalise agreements and divorce. Court is only if you can't agree. If you can't agree, get a bloody move on.

I'm definitely the primary carer although we're talking teens who, although not cheap to support, don't need micro-managing.

It was agreed and formed part of a court order that decisions regarding the sale of property aren't to be taken until formal valuation has been done and as we need all sorts of other things professionally valuing too (STBX will not have things any other way, no informal agreements/estate agents valuations at all) it would render us all homeless, incur all sorts of extra costs which could be un-necessary if it turns out that one of us could actually stay here and buy the other out.

I'd love to be able to "get a bloody move on" @SavBlancTonight. I'm not holding anything up. STBX however rejected the offer of mediation at the beginning of the process and has used a variety of tactics to delay/procrastinate over and over again with the help of solicitors for whom a protracted divorce means plenty of fee income.
They want 50% of everything despite the fact that they won't be the resident parent, nor is it remotely likely that they'll have the kids overnight. They actually want more than 50% in order to provide them with additional income streams to make up for the fact that they "are too mentally unwell to work".

Why don’t you just apply to court for a financial order? It will be at least a 4-6 month wait but at least light at the end of the tunnel and you know it can’t drag on forever. You can represent yourself and then only the fee of £275 to pay. You’ll both have to complete Form Es so will know exactly where you stand financially.

I’m sure also you could argue for more than 50/50 if you are the resident parent and he is not going to have them overnight. My solicitor seemed to think up to 60/40 would be possible.

Did the court specifically order a valuation by a Single Joint Expert? If so, you will have to simply get on with it. Have you had your first hearing?

And why have they not given notice on the savings account? That is your money, too.