Struggling after divorce

[Sadandbroken1]

Finances are all done. Degree absolute has come through. Nearly there with agreeing child arrangements. Moving into my new house soon. I’m busy with work/hobbies/seeing friends/the children. I’m adjusting to sharing custody. I feel ok but quite flat. I don’t think I’m depressed, but definitely just getting through the day. Just wondering if this is normal after divorce (following emotional abuse) and what I can do to feel better. I just want to enjoy life again!

I think you’ll feel better once it’s completely over and you are settled in your new home. I also think that it’s like a bereavement, no matter why it ended, and you need to get past all the ‘firsts’.

Hi.

My kids are adults now so I don't have that similarity as you.

Flat, lifeless is how I feel. I feel I am faking life a bit but everywhere I have referenced it is quoted that it takes around 2 years to get over this.

Make a mental note of your achievements of how you have coped and you might surprise yourself.

Wishing you well for the future.

I agree 👍

Hi. I’m in the same place as you. It’s tough. I move out of our family home tomorrow. So just sending some solidarity. I feel very sad and strange today. Like it’s not really real.

It does feel unreal and like it's someone else's life.

Good luck with the move.

Once it's all finalised you will feel flat for a while well I did just functioning but after a few weeks I was like hey I can do this alone and I'm doing a damn good job and it was up up from then on

@Sadandbroken1
What are you doing to make your life enjoyable? If you felt that you were being emotionally abused, there should at least be a feeling of freedom from that behavior.

Going forward, your life will be what you make of it. Enjoyment won't necessarily come knocking on your door. You may have to take proactive steps to find or create it.

Thanks everyone. It helps to feel less alone in this.

@Mari9999 you’re totally right that life is what you make of it. I guess its just that I feel like I’m really trying - new hobbies, seeing friends, working hard, exercise etc…I guess I just need to keep going, but I’m scared this wonMt lift.

I definitely feel life is more peaceful now, now having to pit up with his moods/silent treatment/stonewalling/criticism.

I miss the good times though.

@Sadandbroken1
Just remember when you are revisiting the good memories that they were not strong enough to out weigh the unhappy times. Your life with him probably did not become unhappy overnight, and this restructuring of your life is not going to be an overnight process.

Your new journey is just beginning. Don't have a destination or ending point in mind. Sit back and enjoy the journey .

I am separating, STBX is moving out on Friday. I do not know how I will feel when that door closes behind him. I am worried about feeling lonely. But I tell myself that really I have been managing alone for 20 years so should be well equipped. Also as others have said don’t waste time grieving for the small positives. You’d be hard to find a relationship where everything was bad. But it doesn’t mean it was worth saving, Also, I remind myself that i would be going through this separation at some point and it may as well be now. Not wanting to be super cynical but even if we stayed together there would be a day when we parted through death. My DM complained about her marriage all her life. Then my dad died a few years back now she’s pining for him. One way or another all relationships end at some point. Sorry to be really macabre. I just think at least no one has died and i have a chance whilst I am fit and strong to build a new life for the remainder of my years with lots of friends around me. At least I won’t have this dilemma now when I’m 80 and it’s too late.