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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBEX has stolen my passport

66 replies

mollythemaid · 26/09/2023 23:49

I've just found all our passports and birth certificates (including mine and my adult dd) plus marriage certificate and all other important documents have gone missing, along with all the dcs. I'm certain the stbex has taken them. Obviously the children's passports, well they belong to the dc so I can't stop him having those, but can I report mine and dd's as stolen to the police?
I don't think he'd take the dc out of the country, I think he's just taken them as a spiteful/control thing. He's an alcoholic and a gaslighting compulsive liar.
What do I do? Help!

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 26/09/2023 23:52

I'd be tempted to message and tell him he has 12 hours to bring them back before you go to the police.

ShinyBandana · 26/09/2023 23:53

Yes, report them stolen to the Police

INeedAnotherName · 26/09/2023 23:55

Yes, report to the police since it's a lot of identification papers.

Report all the passports as lost/stolen to the passport office and see if they will replace.

Get new birth certificates and marriage certificate issued. Look on your local council website for a direct link.

But before all that, have a really good look round. Did you put them somewhere safe in case of a fire and forgot?

Original poster
mollythemaid · 27/09/2023 00:27

No I was very aware we were close to divorce so had a month or so ago, moved them out of the joint files and into a safe place. However he discovered last week that they were missing, which is why I think he took them to get back at me. It's just so annoying as I have a new job starting on Thursday which requires me to take in my dbs and photo ID.
I will message in the morning and as you suggest, give 12 hours to return. Honestly for a man that kept banging on about being amicable, he's got a funny way of acting like it

OP posts:
AbraKedavra · 27/09/2023 01:50

Amicable isn't the same as dead. He's just feeding you a bowl of your own porridge.

mathanxiety · 27/09/2023 02:04

If the passports are not returned in 18 hours, call both the Passport Office and the police. Don't threaten or tell your stbx that you're going to make those calls.

You can get new birth certs and marriage certs but passports need to be reported missing.

Jixarixie · 27/09/2023 07:37

Be careful to make sure that he isn't using your ID and other documents to take out finance in your name, or to borrow against your property (if you both have one) without your knowledge/permission.
You can set up an alert on Land Registry, in case anything changes regarding the property etc.
Also, make sure you have Experian or something similar to cover all bases

HighywayToHell · 27/09/2023 13:16

AbraKedavra · 27/09/2023 01:50

Amicable isn't the same as dead. He's just feeding you a bowl of your own porridge.

What the fuck does that even mean 😂

Certainlyreally · 27/09/2023 13:19

AbraKedavra · 27/09/2023 01:50

Amicable isn't the same as dead. He's just feeding you a bowl of your own porridge.

You're talking rubbish - he has STOLEN THE OPs PASSPORT!!

BodenCardiganNot · 27/09/2023 13:22

Had you hidden them from him? How did he know where to get them?

Freezingcoldinseptember · 27/09/2023 13:25

When I had packed to leave ex he took similar stuff... He also applied to my bank for that ppi refund that was happening everywhere! He didn't get it! Report him to the police.

AbraKedavra · 27/09/2023 17:11

HighywayToHell · 27/09/2023 13:16

What the fuck does that even mean 😂

Show quote history

It means she took them out of the file to put in a 'safe place', ie safely out of his reach where she would control the kids' passports. Well he found out about her duplicitous intentions, so he went and did her one better and hid all the passports.

Being amicable doesn't mean rolling over and playing dead. Had the OP been honest and decent, he wouldn't have taken them.

Original poster
mollythemaid · 27/09/2023 17:29

Ah but the difference is I did not move HIS passport. That does not belong to me so I did not touch it. They also remained in the house at all times where myself and the kids live.
HE however took MY passport, and my adult dd's out of the house, to wherever he is staying. That's the difference. He stole my passport. I have no rights over the younger dc, but I do have rights over my own.

He has returned mine and my dd's but has kept the younger dcs. I have asked for them to also be returned but we will wait and see. I don't need them for a while yet.

Thank you to everyone that responded and helped with what to say and do. The split is very recent and I'm still trying to balance the crushing emotions while trying to remain balanced and practical

OP posts:
HeathrowQuestion · 27/09/2023 17:31

Well done on getting them back in part and don’t listen to the weirdo

Original poster
mollythemaid · 27/09/2023 17:33

BodenCardiganNot · 27/09/2023 13:22

Had you hidden them from him? How did he know where to get them?

They weren't really hidden tbh. We only live in a tiny house so he knew to look in my drawer where I keep important/special things. I was preparing for a split so just made sure I took the important documents out of our filing system just incase I needed to leave quick (previously been in a domestic violence relationship and so always mentally prepared to just run if necessary. And no one needs to run with the microwave user guide 😉)

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 27/09/2023 17:47

HeathrowQuestion · 27/09/2023 17:31

Well done on getting them back in part and don’t listen to the weirdo

Much as you may not like what AbraKedavra has said there is a ring of truth to it.

And the STBEX is only doing what the OP was trying to do and posters on here would tell her to do.

pantypant · 27/09/2023 20:57

@FrippEnos how is storing her own and adult dds passports with the younger dcs passports and leaving his alone the same as stealing the OPs and adults dds passports?

FrippEnos · 27/09/2023 23:25

pantypant · 27/09/2023 20:57

@FrippEnos how is storing her own and adult dds passports with the younger dcs passports and leaving his alone the same as stealing the OPs and adults dds passports?

So we are going to pretend that the usual response to a woman leaving her husband isn't to take all of the important documents including passports, bank statements etc?

And stealing would be taking with the intention of not giving them back which the STBX has already done.

As for the adult DD surely she is old enough to look after her own passport?

HeathrowQuestion · 27/09/2023 23:34

@FrippEnos I have no idea what you’re driving at.

If an alcoholic, uncooperative dude on the brink of being rightly kicked out and divorced took mine and/ or my kids’ passports, put them somewhere inaccessible …. Then yes, I wouldn’t be massively accommodating. And I’d also be scared. because depriving a grown adult of their own identity documents is totally fucked up and a sign of coercive control, which is now a criminal offence.

AbraKedavra · 27/09/2023 23:58

Oh please. The OP wanted to hide the documents from him (including those of the younger children, to which she isn't any more entitled than he is). Her stbx noticed.

Dismayed at her underhanded tactics, despite him continuously saying he wants the split to be amicable, he saw red and hid her passport too. After a day or two he calmed down and returned hers, but kept the kids', as they're HIS KIDS.

Long and the short of it is the OP tried to do him over but got done over herself. Cry me a river.

HeathrowQuestion · 28/09/2023 10:01

Yeah, no, my sympathy is with the OP rather than the alcoholic gaslighting compulsive liar.

patsy999 · 28/09/2023 10:13

My ex husband done the same so I couldn't sign on. I had to ring the police to get them back.

tescocreditcard · 28/09/2023 10:24

And there was me thinking amicable and dead meant the same thing. Who knew?

HicIocusEst · 28/09/2023 10:40

The parent with residential responsibility for the minor children should have the passports and any other ID documents. If you have joint custody, but they are living with you, you should have them.

If he refuses to hand them over, contact the ppt office and get them blocked. The ppt office is used to this kind of thing happening (malicious removal of pots by the non resident parent) It is, after all, how about 99.99% of cross border abductions happen.

HicIocusEst · 28/09/2023 10:40

*ppts

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