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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

Is ex allowed to stay over?

19 replies

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 10:20

Ive been split from my ex for years now. He doesn’t have suitable accommodation to take the children to so has only ever had them at mine or he takes them out for the day occasionally. My oldest has a disability and is out of school due to school being unable to meet her needs, she’s been out of school for over a year now. She gets dla and I am her full time carer. My ex has suggested he comes to the house and stays over during the week to help home educate her. Obviously I’m tempted to agree to this as I’ve been home educating her for over a year now and she’s at home 24/7. This hasn’t been easy. Is this something I could get into trouble for, my ex staying over during the week? Or is there a limit to how many days he could stay? I claim as a single parent. He lives too far away to come daily.

OP posts:

muddyford · 26/09/2023 10:23

If he stays over during the week I would think you are no longer a single adult with dependent children. You would have, in effect, a lodger and no longer be entitled to the single person's allowances.

Original poster

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 10:24

Sorry I should clarify he has his own place and would not be moving in.

OP posts:

HippeePrincess · 26/09/2023 10:33

There’s not a limit as such. I think if you can prove he maintains a separate home elsewhere, pays you traceable child maintenance, doesn’t contribute to the household, you don’t do his washing, he doesn’t keep things at your place etc etc you could argue/prove that you aren’t in a relationship and he doesn’t live there if it gets investigated. I was investigated years ago for having a boyfriend living with me (I didn’t), it was maliciously reported to them. My brother had cat sit for me for a weekend while my parents took us away for my birthday 😂. You could try and get some proper advice.

HippeePrincess · 26/09/2023 10:34

I’d also make sure he doesn’t have a front door key, get any post delivered etc etc.

Whataretheodds · 26/09/2023 10:39

All the above. Is he paying council tax (or a share of) at his main residence?

Original poster

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 18:39

Yes he pays council tax and rent on his own place, I heard the rule is they can stay over any number of nights if they can prove they have their own place?

OP posts:

LadyLapsang · 26/09/2023 18:47

Are you planning to work with the LA to get your child reintegrated into a suitable educational setting? Does he work or is he also economically inactive / unemployed? If he works, would he be able to combine home education with work? Where will he pay Council Tax, be registered with a GP, be on the electoral roll, get parcels delivered, pay TV licence etc. etc. Will you share a car and where will it be registered?

napody · 26/09/2023 18:53

What HippeePrincess said. Its fine. I'm glad you're going to have some help.

Duckingella · 26/09/2023 18:55

Could you stay at his flat when he's at yours in a "nesting" arrangement?

Original poster

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 19:11

I don’t drive, all his bills are at his place. Couldn’t stay there as he is living with others so I wouldn’t be comfortable and that’s why the kids don’t go there. Dd won’t be going back to school.

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 26/09/2023 19:14

Really wouldn't advise him sleeping over. It only take one person to report you. You can look at how the dwp would see you, there is guidance on their website.

Cognitivedisonance · 26/09/2023 19:15

This is fine. As long as he still has another address where he is paying for CT and he has his DVLA registered there etc you’re grand to let him stay as often as you like. Just don’t tell all and sundry about it else some knob will will report you and you’ll have an administrative nightmare on your hands when you have to send all your paperwork off to prove you are still separate. Speaking from experience.

ConnieTucker · 26/09/2023 19:16

Would you actually want him in the house?

how could he home educate? Does he not work?

Original poster

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 19:17

Thanks all no I doubt anyone would report I don’t know my neighbours so they wouldn’t know my circumstances.

OP posts:

napody · 26/09/2023 19:29

Babyroobs · 26/09/2023 19:14

Really wouldn't advise him sleeping over. It only take one person to report you. You can look at how the dwp would see you, there is guidance on their website.

You can be separated and still living in the same house, and claim. People can 'report' what they like- it'll be inaccurate.

Babyroobs · 26/09/2023 19:31

napody · 26/09/2023 19:29

You can be separated and still living in the same house, and claim. People can 'report' what they like- it'll be inaccurate.

Show quote history

There are certain things the dwp can look at to decide if you are a couple or not. There's plenty of guidance on their website. If he's staying over multiple days and nights then it's highly likely they could be classed as a couple. If they are cooking, eating , parenting separately then fine.

Babyroobs · 26/09/2023 19:32

napody · 26/09/2023 19:29

You can be separated and still living in the same house, and claim. People can 'report' what they like- it'll be inaccurate.

Show quote history

If it was as simple as you're making out everyone would be doing it !

OnlyYellowRoses · 26/09/2023 20:59

Don't do it. I had a similar arrangement, my ex lived 3 hours away so used to come and stay EOW so he could spend time with his kids. Paid no bills, had his own place in London. I'd go and stay with friends for the weekend. Benefits people called me in, said I'd been reported, I explained and provided evidence of separate living etc but was still made to pay them all back for the financial year and had them all cancelled!

Original poster

LittlePlumTree · 26/09/2023 21:44

Wow really?! People have often suggested I do this with my ex but I have nowhere else to stay so not something I even considered. That’s crazy.

OP posts:

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