thanks for your reply. The marriage ended in 2013 due to him making us homeless and compulsively lying. Stupidly, I maintained a ‘relationship’ with him until 2018. At this point, I asked for commitment which he refused to give so, I moved on. I filed for divorce and, within weeks, he was seeing someone else. I only have the four children and am married to an amazing man who, not only supports the 2 we share, but my girls as well. I tell him many times that it’s mine and my ex-husbands job to support them, but he just tells me I’m daft and he sees them as his. By my ex-husbands own admission, he has no issue with my husband and has thanked him on occasion for being good to the girls so no issues there. His previous partner got drunk one evening and told my eldest daughter, then 13, about the court case and then tried to climb into bed with her…the current partner has caused a further breakdown in his and my eldest daughters relationship and is vile towards me and my younger daughter.
In answer to your question re: housing, we sold our marital home whilst still together and had an offer accepted on a larger home. This went pear-shaped when it came to the mortgage application stage as, without my knowledge, he had not been paying the bills. We had a terrible credit rating and so couldn’t lend. We ended up effectively homeless and had to move in with my parents.
I got nothing. We split everything relatively equally and, he openly admitted to CAFCASS during the court process that a lot of his decisions to take is through it all was because he was angry I didn’t go back. My husband and I started seeing each other in 2018 and married this year so it wasn’t a rushed decision.
I’m really just wanting advice from parents who are struggling to manage co-parenting with someone who has such little respect for the other and their child. I feel absolutely powerless. My daughter has said she is starting to feel as though she doesn’t want to keep up contact…
The last thing I want is another court process for her (and me). But surely, he can’t just keep doing what he wants with no repercussions?!
The maintenance payments, I’ll just have to accept. I’ve even told him to pay them direct each month so he KNOWS it’s being used by them, but not sure how he thinks they can travel and eat etc on so little whilst he ruins his partner and her daughter, witnessed by our daughter.
Im thinking it’s a solicitor consultation thing.
Just wanted advice…
If it's helpful, I've gone through the above and pulled out what's relevant for a solicitor looking at your case today. If the ex-partner who got drunk and tried to get into bed with your daughter was still on the scene it would be relevant but she's out of the picture now. You'll need more than "she's vile" to make the new partner relevant.
The fact you're married is quite an important fact in the above. It means there is very, very little you can do about maintenance as any form of spousal or global maintenance to make up for his creative accounting is no longer an option unfortunately.
The only thing you can really deal with now are the child arrangements for the youngest daughter (your eldest can do what she wants). The younger daughter must be at least 10 by now presumably so it won't be much longer before she can make the choice herself, so you're getting near to the end of having to deal with him.