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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex is offering full £20k equity of property

16 replies

mummytotwins1 · 23/09/2023 19:10

STBXH has offered full equity of property with a condition that I take on the mortgage ASAP. He left his UK based job and is living abroad. I don't want to take on the mortgage as I am afraid if I do, he will not continue with divorce nor sign the consent order/clean break and he'd be difficult to trace overseas. I offered to help with mortgage payments, he refused. It's either I put the mortgage on my sole name or nothing. I have also asked for a full financial disclosure from him, he said no. He was earning £49K a year plus income from his side business which was very profitable.

From what I have read, if I do take up his offer, it is very likely the judge will not agree with this settlement due to him not having a job and housing. Ex is guilt tripping me saying he is being very fair and I am complicating the situation. He just wants peace and tranquillity and an amicable divorce without drama, but I am pushing for the inverse, apparently. He is now ignoring my messages and refusing to communicate.

I don't trust him as he attempted to sell from under mine and the kids' feet last year but thankfully I had home rights in place.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 23/09/2023 19:13

What other assets are there? Is he sitting on a huge pension? I would be wary to take the £20k equity if there is a pension that he should be disclosing and sharing too

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 19:14

He's trying to worm out of sharing pension.

Soontobe60 · 23/09/2023 19:22

Are you expecting him to pay the mortgage?

Theunamedcat · 23/09/2023 19:25

Only take on a mortgage in your own name

Doggymummar · 23/09/2023 19:26

Let the solicitors deal with it, I didn't speak to ex from the day I filed for divorce, they will get you your fair share

Original poster
mummytotwins1 · 23/09/2023 19:38

When I asked about his pension he said "you want that too on top of everything I paid for during the marriage".

I want to put the property on the market but he is ghosting my messages so I am clueless of what he wants now.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytotwins1 · 23/09/2023 19:39

Doggymummar · 23/09/2023 19:26

Let the solicitors deal with it, I didn't speak to ex from the day I filed for divorce, they will get you your fair share

Can I please ask how much solicitors have charged for the whole thing?

OP posts:
TheCrystalPalace · 23/09/2023 19:45

Right, so he DOES have a pension and you are entitled to some of it. It looks like he's trying to deflect and bully you into agreeing to something that is not in your best interests.
You MUST see a solicitor - you could lose out massively financially if you do not.

Doggymummar · 24/09/2023 15:31

mummytotwins1 · 23/09/2023 19:39

Can I please ask how much solicitors have charged for the whole thing?

Show quote history

Mine was about £25k taken from the house equity

lljkk · 24/09/2023 15:41

OP can't afford £25k for a lawyer, I'll wager.
OP: do you have any notion how much his pension might be worth now? Do you work, how much do you earn, how much is your pension worth?

How long were you married & do you have children to house in near future?

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 24/09/2023 16:03

A judge won’t sign off on a consent order without full financial disclosure from both parties.

theduchessofspork · 24/09/2023 16:10

Get legal advice on this, and don’t be bullied into anything.

FSTraining · 25/09/2023 13:41

mummytotwins1 · 23/09/2023 19:10

STBXH has offered full equity of property with a condition that I take on the mortgage ASAP. He left his UK based job and is living abroad. I don't want to take on the mortgage as I am afraid if I do, he will not continue with divorce nor sign the consent order/clean break and he'd be difficult to trace overseas. I offered to help with mortgage payments, he refused. It's either I put the mortgage on my sole name or nothing. I have also asked for a full financial disclosure from him, he said no. He was earning £49K a year plus income from his side business which was very profitable.

From what I have read, if I do take up his offer, it is very likely the judge will not agree with this settlement due to him not having a job and housing. Ex is guilt tripping me saying he is being very fair and I am complicating the situation. He just wants peace and tranquillity and an amicable divorce without drama, but I am pushing for the inverse, apparently. He is now ignoring my messages and refusing to communicate.

I don't trust him as he attempted to sell from under mine and the kids' feet last year but thankfully I had home rights in place.

What have you read and where? If he's working overseas already and not in the FMH, then he is housed already.

To be honest if you don't take up the offer I think the likely consequence will be that the house is sold and you will have to rent. He certainly won't be expected to pay the mortgage even if he stays on it (it will be considered his contribution to the mortgage nets off against the occupational rent you would owe him for his share of the property).

Also, what you're asking for is more onerous in that you're going to stay financially tied together. If a clean break of finances is possible (based on the facts I cannot say) then that is what should happen.

Original poster
mummytotwins1 · 25/09/2023 14:11

Thank you for the replies.

We've been married for less than 10 years. We have 5yo twins. I was a sahm but have been working for the last 2 years and earn £32k a year. I don't have any information on his pension. He's in his late 30's and has been working full time since age 21.

As far as I am aware he's unemployed and is living with his parents unless he moved in with a partner recently.

I am not expecting him to pay the mortgage, I just want to be out of the marriage and cut all financial ties even if it comes at a loss.

OP posts:
FSTraining · 26/09/2023 10:00

Your best bet is to submit a divorce application including a claim and ask for the house to be sold and pensions split (although if he is overseas, his pension might have gone with him and an English court might have no power to split it).

Anita848 · 26/09/2023 23:06

See if this might be able to help sort out the finances - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/ don't let your partner guilt you into taking any less than you should be getting.
I used this to guide me as solicitors weren't something I could pay for unfortunately. This might be able to help you by giving you the info you need.

Dividing Marital Assets, Finances, And Pensions

Dividing Marital Assets, Finances, And Pensions - I AM L.I.P

https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions

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