Seems reluctant to start divorce

[Pixioneeye]

My partner and me have been together for 3 years. I met him while my separation and eventual divorce was going through. He has been separated from his wife for about 3 years.
However he/they seem to be really reluctant to start divorce proceedings.
Initially his ex wife wanted to wait 2 years and that be the reason for the divorce. But that 2 years has been and gone and not a hint of starting anything with a solicitor.
My own divorce was acrimonious and dragged out over a year and cost me an absolute fortune - so part of me thinks he saw that and what I went through, and he doesn’t want his to be like that.
Him and his ex have 3 daughters together and co-parent really well. He pays the mortgage for the old marital home still plus quite a considerable amount each month in child maintenance and part of me thinks this is the reason why his ex-wife is reluctant to push the divorce as she would not get so much money each month. I love him with all my heart and I want us to have a future together, but we are beginning to struggle financially as the majority of his wages each month going to his ex wife. They have three older teenagers together. The youngest just turned 14. I believe his ex-wife has had some legal advice and believe a Messars order has been talked about which I completely understand and I would never in a million years want his children to have to move house or anything like that . However, I believe he is paying much much more than he would do if I financial order was in place.
My partner hates Rockin’ the boat likes an easy life. He saw how bad my divorce was, and I can understand him wanting to avoid that level of acrimony with his ex-wife. But on the other hand part of me is worried why they seem so reluctant to start divorce proceedings. It’s making me feel very insecure in our relationship and I’m just wondering should I gently push him on it or just let them get on with it in their own time?

Well, I get he may not want to rock the boat but realistically how can you ever move forward with your own lives while being that tied to the previous setup. She's had enough time to sort things out surely, he too and by the sounds of it maybe she wants the benefits of marriage without the marriage...

I dunno if it was me I would say you can't go on like that forever at some point something's got to give, for your own sakes.

Benefits of marriage without being married…… that’s it to a tee.
my partner has always been very generous, and I think she takes advantage of that sometimes and guilt trips him into paying paying for additional things that she could quite easily pay for using the money He already gives her each month.
Money, a big issue in my divorce. My ex-husband was financially abusive and it has made me very guarded about money and intern it’s made me reluctant to push my partner on his finances. However I know we can’t carry on the way we are I think I’m going to have to very gently talk to him about this.

Yes quite likely the case. I am similar as him perhaps in that regard but mine has taken a more sinister path, everything has been taken and not just financially.

At some point you need to see the reality that some people are showing you exactly who they are and they won't stop until you fight back.

He's being taken for a mug and she likely knows he will bend over backwards to do the right thing. He can do the right thing by his children but he owes her nothing.