Divorce, house sale, help!

bumbelinabumsquash · 2023-09-22T09:53:03+00:00

I'm struggling to know what to do. Found out my DH was having an affair for a year. We are now separated, and living apart. I'm still in the house with the kids (teenagers) and he is at a friends house. We need to sell our house that we jointly own, and buy a place each... also want to divorce. Do we sell first, buy our new places and then apply for the divorce? Or the other way round? I can't work it out.

millymollymoomoo · 22/09/2023 11:05

Usually wouldnt sell until you’ve got overall financial settlement sorted and agreed % etc

bringoutthebranston · 22/09/2023 11:14

I would get the ball rolling with the application for divorce first. Once applied for, you have to wait 20 weeks and a day before the final order can be applied for (used to be called the Decree absolute) but before then a conditional order on the finances needs to be stamped by the court before the final order. You need to get the financial order agreed between you, and paperwork drawn up this can also take time.

Basically, don't get divorced before you have the financial agreement stamped by the court. Selling may take a while so you could get it on the Market but my advice is to think of other options first too. If you get divorced before then both sides have less legal claim to any joint assets.

I have just come through the process and my advice would be not to sell first, sometimes you make decisions that are not in everyone's best interests. I am buying my own property with a charge against the deeds of the family home (my Ex is staying there for 3 years) so by that time either he buys me out, or I buy him out, or we sell and split the equity 50/50

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 11:27

bringoutthebranston · 22/09/2023 11:14

I would get the ball rolling with the application for divorce first. Once applied for, you have to wait 20 weeks and a day before the final order can be applied for (used to be called the Decree absolute) but before then a conditional order on the finances needs to be stamped by the court before the final order. You need to get the financial order agreed between you, and paperwork drawn up this can also take time.

Basically, don't get divorced before you have the financial agreement stamped by the court. Selling may take a while so you could get it on the Market but my advice is to think of other options first too. If you get divorced before then both sides have less legal claim to any joint assets.

I have just come through the process and my advice would be not to sell first, sometimes you make decisions that are not in everyone's best interests. I am buying my own property with a charge against the deeds of the family home (my Ex is staying there for 3 years) so by that time either he buys me out, or I buy him out, or we sell and split the equity 50/50

Thanks. This is really helpful. I've actually heard about both ways but I guess this makes more sense. We do agree on children and money split etc so shouldn't be too legal, hopefully!
So it's apply for divorce, agree child arrangements, apply for consent order to agree financial split (I have a pension he isn't going to touch and he's happy with that).
When do we need to alert mortgage company or anything else? Can we keep a joint acc for money for kids etc? Do we need to see a mediator to help with consent order if it feels we agree on everything? What am
I missing?

OP posts:

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 11:33

What am I missing?
A solicitor.

Even a one off, one hour chat with a solicitor will be the best money spent even if it's only for advice on the process. Get one.

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:35

If one of you wants to stay in the house, then worth talking to your mortgage company. Otherwise, there is no need to tell them unless one of you decides not to pay or you want to take a payment holiday while sorting everything out. If you're amicable and agree on finances, there is no need to do mediation. Just get the forms filled out, get a solicitor to draft the consent order (it's a legal document, you can do it yourself but I wouldn't recommend it) - also worth having one to check over what you've agreed. You can keep a joint account, but I wouldn't recommend it. While everything may be amicable now, you never know when that may change. Decide between yourselves who will be responsible for what costs.

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 11:39

Great thanks. This is all so helpful.
So, start the divorce ball rolling... fill in all the necessary forms with plans for children and finances. Meeting with a lawyer to run through the plans for them to see if any red flags or issues that we've missed.
In meantime, start getting house ready for sale as soon as divorce finalised. Divide up possessions etc. Will know then how much we will both have for separate properties.
Is that right?

OP posts:

LemonTT · 22/09/2023 11:51

One thing you have to remember is that the judge who agrees the court order needs to be assured that the agreement was reached fairly and that each party was “informed” when agreeing it.

Whilst there is no obligation to use mediation or solicitors this raises the question of whether the parties are informed enough to act in their own best interests. Also if either party is being unfairly pressurised or coerced into an agreement. This is particularly the case when the agreement is skewed in favour of one party.

It is not unknown for a judge to refuse to rubber stamp an agreement. Instead they will ask for more assurance that full disclosure has occurred and decisions are informed.

Personally I wouldn’t bypass the disclosure process and I would get a solicitor to look over the proposed agreement and provide advice in whether it is fair and comprehensive.

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 11:53

LemonTT · 22/09/2023 11:51

One thing you have to remember is that the judge who agrees the court order needs to be assured that the agreement was reached fairly and that each party was “informed” when agreeing it.

Whilst there is no obligation to use mediation or solicitors this raises the question of whether the parties are informed enough to act in their own best interests. Also if either party is being unfairly pressurised or coerced into an agreement. This is particularly the case when the agreement is skewed in favour of one party.

It is not unknown for a judge to refuse to rubber stamp an agreement. Instead they will ask for more assurance that full disclosure has occurred and decisions are informed.

Personally I wouldn’t bypass the disclosure process and I would get a solicitor to look over the proposed agreement and provide advice in whether it is fair and comprehensive.

Thanks. Fo you mean the financial disclosure forms? We've filled those in already. Was just waiting til we knew about time scale etc.
so will book another joint apt with a mediator to hand over and talk through Financial disc forms and get that signed etc.

OP posts:

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:57

We didn't do full disclosure. We both had a good idea of what we each had.

I wrote a list of everything we owned and owed. I did a spreadsheet, everything for me, everything for STBXH, and everything that was joint, added it up. Remember to add selling fees for property, pensions aren't included as the same value as cash - we used 80p pension to £1 cash. Request pension valuations now, if it's defined benefit as it can take a while to receive. You'll need to fill in form D81 which is the summary of the assets and income so work through that. No need to do form E (Full disclosure) unless you think he is hiding something.

Courts do like to know you've both had legal advice if the split isn't even. And if the split isn't even, make sure the D81 details why.

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 13:08

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:57

We didn't do full disclosure. We both had a good idea of what we each had.

I wrote a list of everything we owned and owed. I did a spreadsheet, everything for me, everything for STBXH, and everything that was joint, added it up. Remember to add selling fees for property, pensions aren't included as the same value as cash - we used 80p pension to £1 cash. Request pension valuations now, if it's defined benefit as it can take a while to receive. You'll need to fill in form D81 which is the summary of the assets and income so work through that. No need to do form E (Full disclosure) unless you think he is hiding something.

Courts do like to know you've both had legal advice if the split isn't even. And if the split isn't even, make sure the D81 details why.

This is great. Thank you. So it's ok to say on the form that my pension is ringfenced for me and that he won't make a claim for it?

OP posts:

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 13:09

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:57

We didn't do full disclosure. We both had a good idea of what we each had.

I wrote a list of everything we owned and owed. I did a spreadsheet, everything for me, everything for STBXH, and everything that was joint, added it up. Remember to add selling fees for property, pensions aren't included as the same value as cash - we used 80p pension to £1 cash. Request pension valuations now, if it's defined benefit as it can take a while to receive. You'll need to fill in form D81 which is the summary of the assets and income so work through that. No need to do form E (Full disclosure) unless you think he is hiding something.

Courts do like to know you've both had legal advice if the split isn't even. And if the split isn't even, make sure the D81 details why.

When you say a list of everything you owned, is that property, shares etc or even things like furniture, tv etc?

OP posts:

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 13:12

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 13:08

This is great. Thank you. So it's ok to say on the form that my pension is ringfenced for me and that he won't make a claim for it?

Show quote history

Yes, we've kept our own pensions and it's not an even split.

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 13:15

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 13:09

When you say a list of everything you owned, is that property, shares etc or even things like furniture, tv etc?

Show quote history

Everything over £500 though as he's already moved out and most of our furniture isn't worth that much I didn't inlcude any house contents. I'm happy for him to have what he wants from the house but he doesn't have the need at the moment. But yes, all cars, ISAs, savings accounts.

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 13:21

Thanks again. I appreciate your advice. It's all a bit overwhelming!
I've got a 15 min call booked in with an expert on Monday and then will start application for divorce. Just want it all over now.

OP posts:

LemonTT · 22/09/2023 14:08

Disclosure is important to both parties because it is one of the ways to reopen an agreement, even a court order.

The OP has stated her ex doesn’t want a pension share from her. In the event that down the line he claims he did this because he was told the pot was £50k not £500k, a document and paper trail confirming he was told the right figure stops that going any further.

Similarly if you got told a lie a lie about an asset and then wanted to address that being able to demonstrate the lie is cause.

Original poster

bumbelinabumsquash · 22/09/2023 14:10

LemonTT · 22/09/2023 14:08

Disclosure is important to both parties because it is one of the ways to reopen an agreement, even a court order.

The OP has stated her ex doesn’t want a pension share from her. In the event that down the line he claims he did this because he was told the pot was £50k not £500k, a document and paper trail confirming he was told the right figure stops that going any further.

Similarly if you got told a lie a lie about an asset and then wanted to address that being able to demonstrate the lie is cause.

Thanks. I'm more than happy to do full disclosure. I actually think it's a wise thing to do really. Saves any disagreement down the line as you say.

OP posts:

Anita848 · 26/09/2023 23:56

This might be able to help you get all your things in order too - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/ although it sounds like you won't need point 1 so carry on from 2. It has some good points on what to consider before starting so you're ready xx