Putting one foot in front of the other

[spicegirlie]

Ironically I haven't been on Mumsnet since I was pregnant with my little one (sorry I can't remember all the acronyms!) and now I'm faced with a completely different part of my life... separation 🥺

Me and my husband have been together over 15 years and married 8 and we have 1 little boy who's 6.

We've had such an amazing marriage and he was such a lovely husband and daddy but recently things have been hard and this week he told me he wants to separate.

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I love this man with all my being and even though things have been tough I can't imagine life without him.

Now my whole world and future has been taken away from me and my little boy now has to navigate a new normal.

Please tell me things get easier?
I can't eat and I just keep breaking down in tears. I guess it's still so raw but I just can't seem to put one foot in front of the other.

How do you get used to having to share your children? He's the only thing keeping me going and the thought of him not being with me is heartbreaking, although I know this isn't easy for his dad too and he deserves the time with his son.

I just feel really sad and heartbroken. This was the man I was going to grow old with.

Please no hubby hating. There's been no other woman and he's trying to be respectful to me but he's just not happy anymore and doesn't see a future with me!

Have you told friends and family, so you get some support ?
If things really feel bad, then have a chat with the GP. They can assess properly how down you are feeling.
So , will it get easier ? Yes, but it will take time. It’s like a bereavement, you have to go through all the ‘firsts’.
You are going to miss your little one when he’s with dad, so you need a plan to keep you busy. Join a gym, make plans to go out with friends/family, get decorating, whatever will keep you busy.

I am so lucky I have so many lovely supporting friends and my parents and sister have been amazing but I just feel like I can't breathe and I've lost my whole future. I loved him so much but I know I deserve someone who loves me back as equally. My friends keep telling me how it's his loss but I already secretly lacked self esteem and this has just made it feel like such a blow!

I think I'm going to see if I can get something to help me sleep. I don't feel I need anti depressants or anything yet but I'll keep it in mind.

It really does feel like a bereavement and I am really scared about my future and having to do it on my own.

I'll definitely make sure I make plans when he has my little one this is a good recommendation! I would join a gym but that mixed with no food, as I can't bring myself to eat, is probably not a good combo.

I know I'll be ok but I just wanted to speak to people who'd been through it before who didn't hate their husband and didn't happen because he was cohesive, abusive or committed infidelity.

Thank you so much for replying. This is a good distraction for me x

Hi @spicegirlie . Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. I am not currently separating but things are teetering on the edge. I am the one who told DH I want to split. First time last spring, and now I did the same earlier this week. We have since agreed to try marriage counselling as one last push to save things. Is this not something that your DH would consider? I understand he is unhappy as I know how it feels as I am in his position now, but I really think that marriages deserve all the effort especially when children are involved. That is not to say I am only doing it for the kids, I am doing it for all of us. If things don't work out after this, then at least we can hold our head up high and say we put our all into it. I hope the road ahead of you isn't too bumpy, and it is good that you have support.

Nothing much to add to above posters but I'm in the same position (except in my case I was left for OW) and it hurts so much. I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else, though I hope one day I will. I just miss STBX every day and having to see the new life, the new relationship, nearly every day (because we share DC) is so painful some days I can barely get out of bed. I know it will get better. I just wish it would hurry up.