What does your 50/50 custody look like??

[MrsIAmOk]

Ex is demanding 50/50, I wasn't expecting them to want anything and now I'm scared. What does your week look like sharing custody??

It's perfect but that's because we get on really well.

I don't have experience of this but it's not something I'd personally want for my dc. I think it's fine to see your place and their dads place both as 'home' but they really do need a base. Would you want to pack up your belongings and move house every week?

If it is the only way I think you need to have two sets of everything from school uniform down to games console. It's not fair to expect a child to remember this stuff and have to move it so often.

Will your ex actually follow through with this? Does he have the work/childcare arrangements to actually be there for dc 50% of the time?

Impossible to say without further info.

How old are the kids, babies, teens ? Different replies for each age group.

Did he live with them. Were you married ? What was his previous experience of parenting them ? How will it work if he has been used to swanning off to work without considering childcare ?

What has his relationship been like with them since the split ?
If older kids - what do they want?

It’s not that different from 60:40 or any other permutation where children do overnights with each parent. In other words they spend quality time with each of their parents. To be honest the short one overnight and part of a day seems far more disruptive.

How easily it works for the children depends on the circumstances. If you are living close by then you have less problems over attending clubs and parties or collecting stuff left behind.

It’s up to you as parents to make it work.

Why the use of language like “demanded” and “scared” ?

3 kids under 5, married, he leaves for work before the suns up and has only ever done a school/nursery run when I've had an appointment and he's had too, never done anything to do with their health appointments (one child has lots), school meetings etc (last term he went to pick up in June and the teacher didn't know him). The use of language is because he's mentally, emotionally and financially abusive, there's lots of agency's involved right now and he's getting worse by the day so yes I'm scared. He's refusing to leave the house, refusing mediation etc. He has said he will move out if he has 50/50 in writing (he wants the council to house him in a 2/3 bed). His idea is Sunday night- Wednesday morning/ Wednesday night- Sunday morning. Am I just being too emotional right now and this is a reasonable suggestion? I suggested every other weekend and 1/2 after schools a week. I feel like everyone will think I'm selfish for wanting more time with them but I do everything for them. Am I crazy or is this normal?

Ours is Sunday - Wednesday/Thursday- Sunday

We alternate the Wednesday nights. So one week I have 3 nights then the next week 4.

Its great for our girls. As we get on really well and live a 5 min walk away from eachother. They have most things at both houses (not phones, tablets or Sports gear though) then we do lots of random drops offs when they’ve forgotten things 🤣. Then we swap days/nights if one of us is going out. Or if we are taking them on holiday. It works so well for us.

Sun/Mon/Tue nights with me. Wed/Thur with her dad then we alternate Fri/sat so we both get to spend weekends with her. And both get some free time!
We aren't amicable but I'm meddling through. I have to still remind of appointments etc. We each of clothes at respective houses and give them back (supposedly) at swap over. I only have to see him once every 2 weeks as swap overs are at school.

It sounds like he's using this as a threat or a way to control/upset you. How is he going to juggle three kids and all of their commitments around his work for a start? Would he actually want that or is it all to spite you?

This doesn't sound like a hands on dad who genuinely wants his kids around, it sounds like a threat. My advice would be to call his bluff (nothing official obviously) but just agree and see what happens next. I'd bet money that he won't follow through with it. It'll be very inconvenient and costly to him if he does.

Mine are 9 and 11. Not quite 50:50. We live close, are amicable and split when kids were 4 and nearly 2. We do split weekends (either Friday overnight or Saturday / Sunday), we split kids at eldest request on Tuesday / Thursday and then he has them every other Monday (if he had Friday night). Our largely come and go and my youngest might stay and extr night if they go to the rugby together.

we have a shared account for all kids activities / school expenses / clothes)

50/50 means he manages school/nursery drop offs and pick ups on his days. And clubs and birthday parties and events on his days and sickness that happens on his days. He also pays for clubs and childcare that happens on his days. It means he makes packed lunches. It means he does spellings and homework and basically all aspects of parenting. If you put this in writing any chance he will run a mile?

Does he realise he will have to pay for childcare on his days? The problem with the days alternating is that you won't be able to set up the childcare you need then leave him to his days to sort his own child care out. If he's abusive it will be another way for him to shaft you.

What is your work situation? Are you at home with the kids / part-time? How does he propose to work his job around the children?