I want to bury my head under the sand...

[FluffyCloudsofShit]

...but I need to proceed with seeking legal advice on how to split finances and assets. Husband wants us to do it with out being represented. Probs cos he's the higher earner and knows if I seek legal advice it won't be in his financial favour.

Please can anyone talk me through the process of if we both have our own solicitors to represent us what happens. I need it to feel less overwhelming so that I can actually start the process. Thanks

Others more knowledgeable will be along to help with the process but please do see legal advice so you get everything you're entitled to.

Do nothing without legal advice.
You are possibly entering a minefield and information about your entitlement is key.

Thanks both, I needed that back up. If I get a solicitor to represent me does that force him to get one?

i have just been through this, my solicitor was great. My ex wanted to have a mutual agreement but in the same breath said he would be contacting a solicitor. So I decided to go down the legal route and do it right.

I got less than I was entitled to for a ‘quiet life’ which I am aware is wrong but I knew what I could fight for and still came out with more money than I would have got without legal support (including financial fees). My husband lied a lot, which took me by surprise and I learnt a lot too, please get legal advice. It’s so worth it.

Initially you will both complete a list of assets and money / earnings/pension you have, you submit this to your solicitor and then the solicitors discuss with their client (you) what you feel is a fair split, what you are entitled to based on that information. It’s very logical. Although emotionally draining.

Go to link at top of this page to ADVICE NOW

read and read again. These diy guides tell you how to deal with all divorce processes. They tell you about the law with respect to “fair settlement”. (Assets split doesn’t start at 50:50, it may end there, but not always ).
they explain what’s included in the legal financial disclosures you both need to make
they tell you what you really DONT need a solicitor for, where you might need a solicitor, and where you really do need one.

If you read these, you’ll get a good idea of what you would likely get from the financial settlement. And which individual tasks you need a solicitor to do in your case. You can then go and find a solicitor g for each task. the ADVICE NOW guides even have a list of solicitors who can do this ad hoc on line at low cost.

using a solicitor for the whole thing will be expensive. Your stbex is correct. Read on here about bills going into £1000s. Not all solicitors are like this, but it is too easy for them to drag stuff out as they are not just dealing with your case and may take weeks to respond to each step. They charge you £3.50 plus per MINUTE, for every minute they’re just picking up your file, listening to your issues, discussing the process, answering a chatty call with the other solicitor etc. it will add expense, time and stress

divorce isn’t all complicated . Many people can do most of stuff themselves if they’re willing to sit down and park the anger for a while . Yep, you do need solicitor for at least the legal draft of a consent order, but many things you can do yourself. Or better yourselves, between you.

I passed the ADVICE NOW guides to my ex too. So he knew I wasn’t making shit up and realised that it was the process he would have to follow. He didn’t want to spend on solicitors either. It cost us £1400 in total inc court fees.

I understand your concerns about him being higher earner- I was in that situation of being higher earner

the ADVICE NOW guides on “fair settlement “ and financial disclosure helped me realise that there was nowt I could do about that, and that settlements are based n future needs, and what was included in assets (eg pensions as well which I hadn’t realised). I came to terms with that difficult fact, over time, and went into discussions with a clear realistic expectations. I’m not sure a solicitor helps you get to that point any quicker- and charges all that money “fighting it” in an adversarial way. Most people just need time and space to come to terms with how divorce financially impacts them. Reading it, working it out and then getting used to it yourself, is just as effective for most people

use a solicitor if there is abuse, or if stbex is likely to hide assets, but avoid if possible and trust you have brain cells between you to work out your own arrangments based on “fair settlement” law.

You can do this yourselves. You do NOT need a solicitor. Not unless you are really really at logger heads, not willing to work cooperatively or abuse etc.
Too many people think it’s complicated - it isn’t. It is, as you say logical, and usually Farley obvious which way “fair settlement “ will end up.
You only really need a solicitor to do the formal legal speak “draft” consent order based on what you’ve written in layman’s terms . They do the legal draft and submit with D81 etc to court , but they do not need to do anything else if you can work it out between you.

When I divorced exh he chose not to have a solicitor. We were actually doing a DIY divorce but had to use a solicitor to sort out the money for it to be legal. He had to sign something to say that he didn't want to have one. It was fairly simple though as we had already agreed everything.

If we agree on most things and each use our own solicitor how long does it all take? Maybe that's a how long is a piece of strung question.

Do you understand family finances, and what pots of assets there are? Eg house value, mortgage, pensions etc? If so you don’t necessarily need a solicitor to start having a dialogue and conversation on a split

You having a solicitor does not mean he has to.

imo too many people rush straight to solicitors before actually seeing if they can negotiate without one. Of course for some people it is needed but for many it’s not

And a solicitor won’t tell you what you’ll get, they give you guiding principles - all of which you can read up about online

We did most of it ourselves. I knew roughly what we both had so created a spreadsheet of total assets and split it. He was the higher earner and the kids can't live with him so the split is in my favour. I read the Advice Now guides and also sent them to him to read. We used a solicitor to draft the consent order and he had legal advice to prove he's aware of what the split means. I'd had some legal guidance from a friend. It's easy enough to do yourself, though worth getting a solicitor to draft the consent order. If you think he is going to be difficult or hide things, it's worth getting legal advice but you can use them as little or as much as you feel you need.

It's not really a good idea to think of divorce in terms of "what you are entitled to." If you could put a figure on it, there would be no need for lawyers or courts. The best a good solicitor can do is tell you what the court's guiding principles would be. If instead you get a solicitor who tells you to aim for an "entitlement" you might well find your ex gets a solicitor who tells them something different and before you know it you're both arguing over a smaller pool of assets.

Instead of "entitlement" think about needs, and not just your needs but those of the person you are divorcing. If the needs are impossible to meet, share out the resulting hardship that arises between the two of you. That's where divorce is likely to land.