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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Mediation

2 replies

piscofrisco · 11/09/2023 17:58

I have a poor relationship with my exh. He is high conflict and controlling and traditionally won't agree to any changes to the court order (even where the order states there must be flexibility -ie. Drop off is 'between 4.30 and 5'. I asked he if he could get there at 4.45 to make it less of an insane rush to get DC to football training-he replied he didn't need to get there before 5 and has since made sure he arrives at 16.59 every single time-done though the dc say they are just sitting around doing nothing before setting off-that sort of vibe all the time from him.

I would like to discuss changing some aspects of the court Order which are currently not working-pick up time and travel times are preventing me from being able to work full time for example. I've completed my MIAM with a mediator and she has sent him an email to ask him to complete his. (He had previously said he would mediate in a sort of 'bring it on' sort of way). Since receiving her email he has emailed me to say he will not mediate unless I tell him what I want to mediate about and that he won't do it unless I pay for it.

Telling him what I want to mediate about would defeat the object of mediation. He has shown time and time again that he can't reasonably discuss anything to do with DC. That's why we need the mediator in the First place. I don't want and can't afford really another round of court.
Does anyone have any advice at all? I feel so stuck!

OP posts:
LemonTT · 11/09/2023 19:12

Is there something he would want to avoid at all costs in terms of coparenting? You could say that is what you want to discuss and then walk back your demands to what you want. He will think he has won. Which is what is feeding his ego.

You just need to get him there. You don’t need to be truthful.

Anita848 · 12/09/2023 22:12

Mediation is not really best for those in abusive relationships, but of course I understand that court is not a great option either. I'm so sorry you have to go through what he's putting you through - I understand as I had to go to court myself against my not so very nice ex. The only advice I can help with is the lack of funds in being able to return to court if you do - I couldn't afford to keep a solicitor on my case (they weren't very good anyway) so I used these free help guides that were sent my way https://iamlip.com/ they take you through the entire process and tell you what you can do in the process. Hope these might be able to help you xxx Wishing you the best xxx

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