Am I over sensitive

[Sallyxox]

Back story
hubs left 5 months ago via text was cheating, but left the women he cheated with and is now in a relationship with someone else for like 3 months.

anyhow we had a closure kinda chat sake of the little one, he wanted to be mates I agreed, he said he wants me to still go to his family parties etc.

the he was coming in my house for brews etc to see little one.. and one day said I’m going on holiday so I said oh nice who with, to which he said Chris and one of his workers.

fast-forward a few weeks I find out on the grape vine he’s on holiday with his new missus which is fine, but why lie?
then there’s a family party I’m not invited to which fair enough understandable but it’s all kept hush from me rather than just saying like I know I said I want you at family stuff but Iv changed my mind !

whenever I mention his new missus for reasons such as my kid sees her, he just looks at the floor it’s like he can’t acknowledge he has a girlfriend in front of me. And I find it hard cos my kids around her but she’s like a ghost I no nothing about her even him just saying oh Esmae really likes her !

I dunno if this makes any sense ! Haha sorry if not!

There is definitely a thing where people make all sorts of impractical commitments post separation or divorce. Given the circumstances the chances of you both being anything more than civil and cooperative are low. Even if he didn’t cheat and jump into a new relationship being friends is pie in the sky stuff.

The idea that you would be at his family events is fanciful if he has a new partner who is also invited. Why would you even want to be there? Everyone will be awkward and your role might just end up being a glorified nanny sitting in the background with your child whilst he introduces his new girlfriend to all his family and friends.

I can see why you feel hurt and let down by his false promises and lies. My advice is to set your own boundaries to a place where you are comfortable. That way you won’t be let down by a man you know will deceive not just you but himself.

He's probably not sure how to deal with it or what your reaction could be. He may not want to hurt you more

If she's having contact with your children, you have every right to meet her.
He's possibly worried you won't be civil or something.
Just talk to him, say you want to meet her, know more about her.
I think it's human to want to know, and normal to feel a bit hurt by it.

He could of course just being a dick about it and she's welcome to him. 😂😂😂

in all honesty Iv been nothing but civil since ending, esp with how he’s dealt with it all.

i will always keep the peace best I can for little one. But yeah maybe now he’s more serious with someone his thoughts have changed on how we go forward which is for the best as it’s more sustainable. Just hurts and I really can’t wait for it not to.

I find that often male friends will keep new relationships quiet because they're told that it can aggravate things with their ex-wife (e.g. it could trigger demands for spousal maintenance that weren't there before, or they worry it could affect their access to the children, or they just don't want the animosity). I don't really know how true it is and I've never had any of these problems with my ex-wife but the internet is awash with stories about ex-wives becoming difficult when new partners come on the scene and I suspect this kind of perspective might be influencing your ex-husband?

It possibly could be, we ended up having a chat cos there’s alot of people getting involved and issues arising that don’t even need to be an issue.
he said he just doesn’t want to hurt and upset me to which I feel the lies and dishonesty hurt me more, all I want is my little girl to be happy and just a bit of confidence that she’s around a nice women, but suppose that’s why I need to let go and realise he’s her dad and also has to make them decisions.
hopefully we have cleared the air now haha!

Unfortunately I think once you're divorced, it's harder to know one another's true intentions. You're perfectly reasonable to want to know this new woman if she is going to spend time with your daughter. But he might interpret this as you assessing the new woman with a view to causing trouble if you don't like her. It's best to be realistic in this situation as @LemonTT says and be civil at best.

Yeah it’s really sad isn’t it, how the trust goes and it’s like we both constantly assume we’re out to get each other. Hopefully as time passes it will be better, only been 5 months. I filed for divorce the other week.