How long does divorce take when you can’t agree finances

Onestepforwardseveryday · 2023-09-06T05:48:31+00:00

Divorce application is in but I can’t see us agreeing on finances. I don’t think it would really matter if I gave him a bigger share of assets despite the fact I am going to be resident parent to our children, he still wouldn’t agree. I cannot move out until the financial settlement is done as I won’t be able to rehouse the children so I think he is using this as a way of stopping me moving on with my life. The longer he refuses to agree a settlement, the longer I have to live in the same house as him. Me moving without my children is not an option due to his behaviours. is this likely to take years to get the court to just make a financial order on our behalf?

millymollymoomoo · 06/09/2023 07:37

Yes
if you can’t agree it can take years

have you had mediation?
do you both have solicitors?

Mushroom2023 · 06/09/2023 07:52

You can get granted a Decree Absolute before the finances are settled, so they don't necessarily have to go hand-in-hand. However, whilst the finances are not settled either side could still make a claim on the others' money. It may also make moving out difficult if you are reliant on receiving equity from your current home in order to do so. However, I moved in to a 3-bed private rental as an interim step (so large enough for myself and 2dc).

If he won't agree and you've both got solicitors you could call his bluff and simply say that xxx is your full and final offer and if not accepted you are happy to go to court, then let the court deal with it. Going to court is not cheap, but could in the long run be cheaper than protracted negotiations, especially if the other party is hell bent on not agreeing.

My financial settlement has taken 3 years thus far despite me agreeing to him taking virtually all the marital assets.

Theforeverhome · 06/09/2023 07:57

Mine took a bit over 3 years. Definitely do not get your decree absolute until it has been settled.

Airyfairy99 · 06/09/2023 11:10

3.5 years in and still not had fdr hearing ! Had to get valuations of exdh businesses which has took over a year to sort out. Currently waiting of forensic accountant and hopefully will get to have fdr hearing before march 2024 ? Its so stressful and exdh is a complete narcassist and has made the process so much harder and more expensive than needed. He doesnt want to give me a penny and will go to any length to achieve this. I have a great legal team but it has cost me nearly 50grand to date. I have no choice but to use the courts as ex is so unreasonable and sneaky and a HUGE LIAR !! I am dreading if it goes to final hearing as being cross examined terrifies me. I am so stressed with the whole process and wish it was over. Worst experience of my life this divorce and how my exdh has treated me. I have only ever been a good wife and mother and he is set to ruin me. He had an affair after 25years together with a girl 27 years younger than him. I hope they both rot in hell for how they have treated me. I hope what goes around comes around for him !

Original poster

Onestepforwardseveryday · 07/09/2023 07:10

Thank you to everyone who has replied.
it seems it will be as bad as I feared.
I don’t yet have a solicitor and we haven’t got to mediation stage, literally in the very first stage and waiting for conditions order which will probably be a few months away.

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 07/09/2023 12:52

My now OH’s divorce took 3.5 years. EW wouldn’t agree the financial split.

• Separated Jan 2013
• Nisi awarded June 2013
• Consent order & absolute (after 3 court cases) awarded June 2016

Busbygirl · 07/09/2023 20:24

Similar story to Airyfairy99.
2 and 1/2 years in. Waiting for our FDR
Married a complete narcissist who won’t be happy until he gets well over 50% of assets.
My advice is go to mediation straight away, I didn’t but wish I’d attempted it, I know it would have failed but I don’t think the courts will be happy with me.
Get a pension actuary straight away, ours took a year to do the sums (so so slow) but worth the wait for me, even though our pensions are tiny.
Do as much paperwork yourself, I didn’t and I’m now £40k worse off and I’m only just putting forward a proposal which I know my ex will throw in the bin!
I’m keeping my solicitor, he’s ditched his, so that will cost me even more money.
On the bright side he’s hidden tens of thousands worth of assets so I’m hoping a judge will sort him out.
I definitely think we’ll go to a final hearing as he won’t be happy until he wins.
My advice apply to the courts straight away, it takes ages to come through and definitely sort out pension sharing if you have pensions.

tescocreditcard · 08/09/2023 15:19

Represent yourself and go straight to court and it will only take about 18 months that way.

You'll have to arrange one mediation session before you go. You only have to arrange it. If he doesn't turn up too bad you proceed with the next step. If he does turn up and doesn't agree proceed with the next step. If he turns up and agrees - proceed with the next step in case he's just bluffing. You can always halt the court proceedings at any time if you should happen to reach an agreement.

Lots of info and advice on self repping on wikidivorce.

FSTraining · 08/09/2023 15:28

@tescocreditcard I think your advice is a bit dubious. Judges are not stupid and if they can see one party has not made a serious effort at mediation without a very good reason, they could award costs to the other party.

It is only appropriate to end mediation when it is clear that it will not work or the mediator determines the couple are not suitable for it. That is very unlikely to happen after one session.

tescocreditcard · 08/09/2023 15:38

I didn't explain myself well.

Apply straight to court- in the meantime attend mediation. Court waiting times will probably be about 18 months. If you haven't agreed the split in mediation in 18 months I think the judge would think it reasonable that you are sat in front of her asking her to decide instead.

Babyitshotoutside · 08/09/2023 16:26

Currently in the same predicament as you OP. It’s bloody well exhausting

Twat of an ex H holding up proceedings by not showing relevant paperwork. I’ve decided to push on and proceed to court to get him to produce it but all seems at a standstill. It’s terribly frustrating. When i contact my solicitor he tells me to wait and so on.

Original poster

Onestepforwardseveryday · 08/09/2023 19:44

When I filled in the divorce application I did Rick the box which says I want the court to make a financial order. I was hoping I wouldn’t need to go down that route but ticked it in case I have no choice. Judging by how he is behaving and the percentage that he thinks is reasonable for him to have we will probably end up in court and I don’t anticipate that he will go along with mediation.
It’s just so unnecessarily stressful and we are still only in initial divorce stages!

OP posts:

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 19:48

Mine took 3.5 years. Its still not done as he didnt abide by the financial order and its deadlines so now ive got to pay to go back to court and enforce it. Hes a massive controlling abusive cunt tho.

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 19:49

Onestepforwardseveryday · 08/09/2023 19:44

When I filled in the divorce application I did Rick the box which says I want the court to make a financial order. I was hoping I wouldn’t need to go down that route but ticked it in case I have no choice. Judging by how he is behaving and the percentage that he thinks is reasonable for him to have we will probably end up in court and I don’t anticipate that he will go along with mediation.
It’s just so unnecessarily stressful and we are still only in initial divorce stages!

100% do it. Once you havs decri absolute you cant apply for a financial order. You need one.

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 19:50

tescocreditcard · 08/09/2023 15:38

I didn't explain myself well.

Apply straight to court- in the meantime attend mediation. Court waiting times will probably be about 18 months. If you haven't agreed the split in mediation in 18 months I think the judge would think it reasonable that you are sat in front of her asking her to decide instead.

But they wont decide. They will have 2 hearings,months apart and only decide on final hearing.

MonikerBing · 08/09/2023 19:54

Get yourself a good solicitor and let all discussions go through them. Don't agree to anything.

If you are in an abusive relationship don't agree to a mediation - I didn't have to have one. (My solicitor sorted all of this out for me - she was fantastic and had seen horrible abusive men like him many times before).

My ex refused to cooperate throughout, not completing his Form E and then not signing anything or filing any papers at court which resulted in the case being adjourned a couple of times. But we did get it done in a year (this was a few years ago though and I know court waiting times are longer and he also didn't have a pension).

(Of course, entirely predictably, he subsequently breached the Financial Order and continues to do so 8 years later, but I did get him out of the house and off the deeds).

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 20:00

MonikerBing · 08/09/2023 19:54

Get yourself a good solicitor and let all discussions go through them. Don't agree to anything.

If you are in an abusive relationship don't agree to a mediation - I didn't have to have one. (My solicitor sorted all of this out for me - she was fantastic and had seen horrible abusive men like him many times before).

My ex refused to cooperate throughout, not completing his Form E and then not signing anything or filing any papers at court which resulted in the case being adjourned a couple of times. But we did get it done in a year (this was a few years ago though and I know court waiting times are longer and he also didn't have a pension).

(Of course, entirely predictably, he subsequently breached the Financial Order and continues to do so 8 years later, but I did get him out of the house and off the deeds).

What did he breach

MonikerBing · 08/09/2023 20:07

He's breached the financial order. He pays me a lot less in maintenance than was ordered through the court. He's also not done a couple of the other things he was meant to do which are specified in the order (like get life assurance, increase the payment by RPI and provide information on his salary). He knows I will have to go back to Court to get it enforced and I can't afford to do that.

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 23:09

MonikerBing · 08/09/2023 20:07

He's breached the financial order. He pays me a lot less in maintenance than was ordered through the court. He's also not done a couple of the other things he was meant to do which are specified in the order (like get life assurance, increase the payment by RPI and provide information on his salary). He knows I will have to go back to Court to get it enforced and I can't afford to do that.

Ive got to go back. Hes done nothing he was meant to do. I dont believe he has the slightest intention to.

MonikerBing · 09/09/2023 14:02

Redlarge · 08/09/2023 23:09

Ive got to go back. Hes done nothing he was meant to do. I dont believe he has the slightest intention to.

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no, I don't think mine ever did either.

I hate still being connected to him by maintenance, it leaves him with a key source of control over me. Unfortunately my youngest was a baby so we have a long time to go

Redlarge · 09/09/2023 17:08

MonikerBing · 09/09/2023 14:02

no, I don't think mine ever did either.

I hate still being connected to him by maintenance, it leaves him with a key source of control over me. Unfortunately my youngest was a baby so we have a long time to go

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They are disgusting arent they

Original poster

Onestepforwardseveryday · 10/09/2023 12:56

MonikerBing · 09/09/2023 14:02

no, I don't think mine ever did either.

I hate still being connected to him by maintenance, it leaves him with a key source of control over me. Unfortunately my youngest was a baby so we have a long time to go

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I’m not expecting any maintenance so thankfully that shouldn’t be an issue. We do have young children but he keeps his earnings to an absolute minimum by working less than 10 hours a week. He has no plans to increase this as he would have to pay maintenance and god forbid he should pay towards his children’s upbringing.
I just want a clean break with a reasonable
splitting of assets. Unfortunately what I see as reasonable he thinks is completely unreasonable.

OP posts: