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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorcing - Financial settlement advice, he's bringing up pre-marriage finances

9 replies

PlayIt · 03/09/2023 08:24

I have got a solicitor and she's good but due to her annual leave, my appointment isn't until mid-month now and I'm spinning with what to do which is affecting me functioning daily!

I am in the process of buying STBEH out of the marital home. It is going to be tight due to mortgage rates going up and it being just on me to keep the house.

He is asking for more money to "set up a new home" and failed to acknowledge a small asset too, so I declined his first offer.

Went back with an offer that took into consideration the (lower) equity (house price come down slightly) and missing asset, also deducting 2% cost of sale house that he'd normally have had to pay if we'd sold up and split costs (solicitor put this in).

He's now declined that offer, and brought up a few things. Firstly, equity in his house that went down on our marital home (10+ years ago) and secondly inheritance he had that started our savings which we were halving equally.

Both to me are 'red herrings' - they're irrelevant. No pre-nup (I asked if he wanted one when we moved, we weren't even married at that point, he said no).
I'm pissed he's even raised it. There are so many variables that counter argues those two things (I worked p/t for several years, then got a good job earning more than him but lost pension contributions during p/t years, my bonuses have paid for a lifestyle he now can't have and added to the savings).

But the total amounts of these two things are c£50k and that's not the amount he's asking for; the difference in our settlement figures, it is actually only £12k so I think - am I being petty?

I just don't know what to do. I think he is being greedy, putting me in a tighter financial position. Also, whilst there is legally "no fault" etc, he put me in this position to start with (cheating) and I'm miffed he isn't sticking to his word on 50/50 of everything now that he's got a solicitor involved. But then am I being greedy over £12k?

Long, I'm sorry but anyone got experience of negotiating or letting it be? I need to start sleeping again, I feel like I've rewound back to my anxious state 12 months ago

OP posts:
Imogensmumma · 03/09/2023 08:31

Don’t do anything until your solicitor is back or is there someone else in their office that can help you

Theunamedcat · 03/09/2023 08:35

I'm assuming no children involved?
Wait for the solicitor but tbh he is going to set up home with his affair partner so if anything he needs less money than you
Git

Original poster
PlayIt · 03/09/2023 08:48

Imogensmumma · 03/09/2023 08:31

Don’t do anything until your solicitor is back or is there someone else in their office that can help you

No, I won’t. I could have done with not having this hanging over me for another 2.5 weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayIt · 03/09/2023 08:50

Theunamedcat · 03/09/2023 08:35

I'm assuming no children involved?
Wait for the solicitor but tbh he is going to set up home with his affair partner so if anything he needs less money than you
Git

There are children involved. We both have 50/50 arrangements. He’s not living with OW and allegedly will be buying a house for him and DC, not moving in with her. Who knows though. Don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

OP posts:
fernsandlilies · 03/09/2023 08:52

You’re not being greedy and your analysis is sensible, but keep in mind that if you don’t reach agreement it will easily cost you £12k to go through the court process.

Original poster
PlayIt · 03/09/2023 09:05

fernsandlilies · 03/09/2023 08:52

You’re not being greedy and your analysis is sensible, but keep in mind that if you don’t reach agreement it will easily cost you £12k to go through the court process.

Thank you and valid point, I really do not want to go to court. I haven’t got the headspace for it.

I feel like I’m being greedy one minute and then thinking no, you twat, you’ve put me in this situation.

I am just done, and want it to go away now so he’s not in my life other that to bring up our DC.

OP posts:
EmmW14 · 05/09/2023 03:04

The other commenters have the right idea. Being careful of continuing court proceedings is important as it will cost you a lot and waiting for your solicitor will help. But in the mean time, and if costs for your solicitor get too high, see if this might help - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/ I used these help guides to help me through the court process because I didn’t have the money to keep a solicitor. It’s free so didnt have to spend thousands on a solicitor, my friend used it whilst also using a solicitor though so she could do some of it herself e.g. forms and save money where she could. Hope this might be able to help! It also really helped me understand what was going on.

Dividing Marital Assets, Finances, And Pensions

Dividing Marital Assets, Finances, And Pensions - I AM L.I.P

https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/

Original poster
PlayIt · 05/09/2023 19:14

EmmW14 · 05/09/2023 03:04

The other commenters have the right idea. Being careful of continuing court proceedings is important as it will cost you a lot and waiting for your solicitor will help. But in the mean time, and if costs for your solicitor get too high, see if this might help - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/ I used these help guides to help me through the court process because I didn’t have the money to keep a solicitor. It’s free so didnt have to spend thousands on a solicitor, my friend used it whilst also using a solicitor though so she could do some of it herself e.g. forms and save money where she could. Hope this might be able to help! It also really helped me understand what was going on.

That is a really helpful link, thank you for posting.

I’ve calmed down (a little) since last week. I’m still annoyed at the audacity but my drafted email to him (which won’t be sent!) helped me write down my actual feelings on it all.

I have also re done my budget based on real outgoings (taking last few months expenditure) and I have over egged it and still have money spare, so think I’ll be ok to continue with the plan to buy him out. It was a serious consideration over the weekend to throw my teddy out the pram say we will have to sell the house as you’re backing me up a corner so we’ll both be setting up a new home, so no need to give you extra money.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayIt · 09/09/2023 18:42

I’m still bloody angry at him and it’s been a week since his solicitors letter.

Why is this process so long and hard?

I am now of the mind that I’m not being greedy and actually he is. My drafted email to him hasn’t been sent but I really want to send it. He has the audacity to reference things that are irrelevant and ignore the relevant things, all whilst having an emotional affair and setting up with his OW immediately after we ended our marriage.

sorry, I’m raging this evening and I don’t know why!

OP posts:
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