Divorce and finances - what's likely?

[Stuckandunhappy]

Hi
I would like to divorce my husband and would like to better understand where I stand financially and legally.

Five years ago he was diagnosed with s chronic illness which is serious, but it has also been his excuse to become a lazy slob who does nothing in the house, works sporadically, and spends most of his time playing computer games. He also has mental health issues (depression, anxiety), has become obese and very unhealthy, we haven't had sex since his diagnosis and have absolutely nothing in common. He is supposedly looking after the kids but all he does is the school run and nothing else. I am simply fed up and unhappy, he doesn't appreciate anything I do, we hardly speak to each other, sleep in separate rooms and he thinks I am the reason he's so unhappy because I am always 'at him'. I don't think that's true, if I dare criticise him playing computer games all day I am the one being difficult, even though I am the one who has been to work all day and then has to cook dinner and do all the household chores when i get home. I am of course guilty as well, in my attempt to be supportive since his diagnosis I have essentially enabled him to become what he is now.

Our situation:

• I work full time earning 60k, he only every works part-time and when he does on low wage roles. He gave up his last job in June because he didn't like the hours and is looking for a new job.

-Married 8 years -Two kids, one in secondary and one in primary school -Equity in house maybe 250k -pensions I need to check but maybe 60-80k each -one 8 year old car, he doesn't drive -no cc or other signicant debt, maybe 2k left on some furniture -If we split I could afford to buy again, but would have to move further out and further away from the schools. He would have to rent.

I have booked an initial 30 minute consultation with a solicitor next week but was wondering if anyone had any idea what's the likely outcome? Would he be entitled to more of our assets because he can't earn as much as I do? Would I have to support him? Would we be awarded 50:50 custody? I wouldn't want to keep the kids away from him, and would like everything to be as amicable as possible.

Also, should i wait until he is employed again before saying anything? Worried he might not make any effort to look for work if I told him I wanted to separate.

Go to link above to ADVICE NOW. Download their guides. Read up on “ fair settlement” law.
no one on here can tell you what you’ll get. It depends on your circumstances re “ fair settlement “. It does NOT start with 50:50, though often ends that way and courts like it when it does.

read the guides. Read some more. Inform yourself.

Much depends on where the children live, with one in primary it's a significant consideration. Be careful he doesn't claim to be the main caregiver and primary resident and want child support from you. If he does nothing for them, and neither cooks or cleans in additional to not working, that would not ideal. Who would they prefer to live with most of the time? 50/50 is also an option, but that can be hard for children, very unsettling.
He wouldn't get any kind of spousal support and will be expected to work. Unless of course he is so disabled he cannot, in which case he will have to live on benefits.
The hardest part will be actually getting the house sold, especially if he is unwilling, so if you can find a way to do that sooner rather than later that would help.

Could you buy a house with half the equity each? I don't think you will have to pay him spousal maintenance. If he can work I think a judge would expect him to work. His disability might be taken into account but if he was working in June he clearly can work. You need to think about who the DC would like to live with. The secondary age DC would probably be asked if they wanted to live with one parent and visit the other one or split to.e between 2 parents. The primary DC would have less age due to their age. Do you think your stbxh is capable of caring for the DC like cooking them meals, and washing their laundry and keeping the house cleaned up? Or will he just sit there playing computer games whilst they go hungry or don't have clean clothing? If the DC lived with you and maybe had every other weekend and 1 night midweek with their Dad he would be expected to contribute financially for them but if he chooses to lives on benefits I think you get a very token amount per DC. Do you earn enough to support them. You might get a UC top up if you spent equity on another house. If stbxh rents he would need room for DC to stay. A lot to think about but I guarantee you will be happier on your own than you are living ATM.

If your pensions are very similar you'd probably just keep your own. If he can't drive you'd probably get the car. Maybe he could have furniture to balance that out. Your marriage will not be classed as long as under 10 years.

Wouldn't the guiding principle here be the interests of the children? Including as little disruptive change as possible and relationships with both their parents?

I hope that you are both happier apart and perhaps that your STBX gets a new lease of life once things change.

Thanks everyone. He can definitely work, at least in some admin roles, he found his last job quite tiring (admin for NHS with 12 hours shifts) but of course he had the easy option to quit as I can provide for everything. I pay absolutely everything at the moment and manage ok but unable to save anything. When he works he usually saves it all and then he has some money to last until he finds his next job.

I actually think separating would encourage him to step up, lose weight and look after himself better. Although he would probably get depressed to begin with.

I can't afford to buy him out, and wouldn't really want to anyway. The house needs a lot of work, another thing he said he would get on with when he first gave up working but of course I am the only one who's done anything here (painting etc).

I probably can't afford to buy in this area on my own, but I could afford a four bed if i moved further out. In that case I could also have a relative as a lodger which would help a lot. But would be far from the kids' schools so not ideal.

Assets will be split according to need and the biggest determinant of that is income. I presume he earns less even if FT. If he can argue his health impacts on ability to work then that has a bigger impact.

You will both need a comparable home because you will co parent. When it comes to asset split it, having the children more of the time won’t change housing need. In your case it could create bigger income gap.

He is likely to get a bigger share of the equity.

Thanks @LemonTT. Anyone have any ideas/experiences what sort of asset split would be likely? Are we talking about 60:40 or 70:30 or something? This sort of situation must be fairly common, although presumably it's quite often the husband who earns more and the wife has spent more time looking after the home and kids.. in my case I have been doing both whilst he plays computer games but presumably that means nothing in legal terms. 😕

The divorce process deals with your future and won’t usually reopen the whys and how’s of what went on in the marriage. His earning potential is lower and yours is higher. That’s the crux of the matter.

The split of the marital pot will reflect your need post divorce. Lower earners need more capital in order to fund their housing needs and to redress pension shortfalls. This is usually paid instead of spousal support and reflects a clean break situation. The size of the income differential will be what makes difference.

However if he has a NHS pension that might shift things a bit if he wants to hold onto that.

What does comparable housing mean? With his low pay he wouldn't be able to buy but would have to rent. As I drive I could get a bigger house further out and drive the kids to school, I have to drive into the city centre for work anyway. In our local area I could only afford a flat or a very small house.

People typically define their housing needs based on 2 factors, the size of the family and proximity to schools. Depending on the circumstances this can be rented or purchased properties. You will both be parenting so you need basically the same size accommodation. Which sounds like a 2-3 bed property. The amount of time spent with the parent is unlikely to make a difference to needs.

If one person earns less then their mortgage raising capacity is lower. Whilst the income difference was historically addressed by spousal support it is now capitalised and paid as a bigger share of equity.

Similarly they might struggle to pay local rents and rather than receive spousal support this is capitalised and paid out the the lump sum.

There are lots of different scenarios in divorce which result in different outcomes. But I think in your situation the outcome is likely to be a different equity share. In which case the issues you need to focus in on are

1. Overstatement of needs
2. understatement of earning potentially
3. pension equalisation.

Thank you, this is all very useful and helps me to better understand my position. I also now have a better idea what to ask the solicitor in my free consultation next week.