50/50 custody - Shared costs

[LDA123]

We’re just about to start mediation to work out a shared custody plan.

How do people manage the logistics of shared costs?

Do you have a joint account and each pay in X amount?

Does one of you pay and then reimburse the other (but what happens if they don’t…)

Do you have an agreed limit, ie £50, and any expenses over that will have to be discussed and agreed first?

I think we should exclude clothes, shoes, birthdays/Xmas etc (both pay our own) but include things like coats, uniform, school equipment etc.

Does anyone have something in place that works? Want to get it right from day 1

I imagine you won’t get it right from day 1, although that’s a good ambition.

If you think you’ll be coparenting amicably have you asked ex what they think?

One issue can be “overbuying” or WHAT they are buying too - where Parent A can’t afford anything because they are funding the boring stuff and Parent B goes spend-crazy. A friend’s ex was constantly spending on clothes, iPhone when child was only 6, dishing out pocket money, TV and gamebox in bedroom etc

But never put a penny in to fund school trips, clubs, buy gifts for friends’ birthdays, paying for dental treatment or glasses. All that “invisible” stuff was dumped on Parent A budget despite requests to share big “glossy” purchases and essential but dull expenditure. When Parent A complained, parent B would insist they spent more because of all the (mostly unnecessary) stuff they bought that made DC happy.

If your 50:50 is alternate weeks, think about how changeovers will work - you don’t want your kid(s) laden with luggage and constantly packing up and things stuck in the wrong laundry . Unless you have a slick arrangement you might be better with two sets of uniform and coats. Get different style name labels for “your set” as it is bound to wander end of week into the other house and vice versa.

Personally - a spreadsheet, two columns, log your spend in there weekly and send it across to ex and say “please pay me £x”. And then up to ex to do vice versa. Takes two mins to make a payment on a phone so no excuse.

if ex doesn’t pay up then you have to consider whether it’s truly worth the fuss over small spends. If it’s big spends then you would have to think about what leverage you have, that wouldn’t hurt the kids. Not easy.

Depends how your 50:50 works. Ours is a lot more shared and I might do a school run on his day and he might do an evening activity drive on mine,

we have a shared account. Activities, parent pay so all school things, school clothes and most clothes. We have similar finance outlook so wouldn’t be any £100 trainers etc. anything fun on my time would come from me etc